zazooosg's blog

2010-08-03T08:36:00.000-07:00

u noe i honestly nv tot i'd be back here again.
well least here its my private space. i doubt anyone out there can find me here.
no one i noe, noes how to. well i do up these searches and trace about them, monitor when they left an opening for me to see. well some might call me a stalker. but all in all i;m not.

i shld stop flooding wad i think and feel in facebook or to my frens, even frens who understood me. we used to talk everything under the sun anytime. but now, i guess last time was just becoz i was down. and she as a fren wanted to help me up and now i sort of mess it up thanks to me putting feelings into her goodwill. oh well i shall cut it. as i did be4, such things aint meant for me. i just hope things can become back to last time. now hardly can talk, she also dun wanna tell me things anymore. who to blame? me! i overreact, i mess up and fuck up alot. and people just get tired of me.
so i from now on i shall just focus on wads important and fuck the rest. the world dun need to noe if i wanna die tml. which of coz i wont. such things only i noe myself well.
works not going well, but i;m trying. learning things that i almost got no back ground in. sucks...
sometimes i just wanna be alone, even though i hate it. now a days i find it hard to trust people. i look at them, their smile, the things they say another part of me is always arguing that its not real.
well i shall just confine all my feelings and tots here and not let it flow out to anyone.
anyway theres no one. i got fren who everytime we talk sure got logic about r/s. i;m trying to learn pass it but ur adding more salt to the already cut wound.
i got my best bro busy with work, call me to tell me a few things, and when i wanna tell him things he needa slp. he always tells me one day we'll meet but till now we hardly. cant blame him... work is work. his still my brother.
basically theres close to no one to talk to, to express my feeling good and bad. my tots. people dun understand me. they think they do but they dun... and they are makin me very stress and confuse. wad am i doing am i doing it right or wrong. they dun wanna explain to me. well i;m just gonna do wad i think i shld do.. if u dun like it i dun give a fuck. i;m here to do my job and i will get it done. i wanna become an officer.. and no fucks gonna stop me. ima proof i got wad it takes. leadership... who say an emo or a psychopath can be a good leader. leadership is groom not born.
i just wan work to go well, i wan frens. and i wan my head to be clear... i hear myself telling me things. is that normal? lol maybe its just wad they always tell me.. thinking too much...

i'm pretty happy today bout TP and dinner.
ima try slp...
from today on i will write wad i feel here.
i will not mood swing, or overreact in front of people. i will swallow even if its against me. bite the bullet and smile. telling myself its all gonna be well.

william.
wish me luck.

2010-06-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

When i was a kid i wanted wings to fly away free, i felt the world was holding me back.
now i got my wings i found out the tat i couldn't really fly.

ojt has been tiring, so many things to learn. i'm lucky tat my ship crew is pretty nice and gave us very structured training. i felt as trainee we could have been better. Still there are ups and downs. i worked so hard but i couldn't deliver. in the end i still got shoot by my own frens that i work so hard while he slack we still get the samme result. i think i'm really useless. cant even do my job well, even my personal life. my head iis in a mess. well i guess i shld just keep wadever i feel here, its not like anyone out there would care, most just say. plus i dun wanna trouble them anyway some time i just feel so alone here. everyone got their own little world not me. guess its all my fault that i became like this. i dun noe wads wrong with me. i cant sleep, i feel sad everyday, i feel like i'm alone, i'm useless. i just kept telling myself tml will be better. or just do wad ya need to do. maybe i'm meant to be like tat. dun understand why am i not happy. i'll just continue to smile and perform in work and outside here.
no one noes or understands me. or simply no one bothered.

2010-05-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

wad is the purpose of my existence? the reason for being alive? i ask myself that everyday and nite. i always tell myself some reason or excuse..but how true are they?

so far ojt has been good, learned alot of stuff... i do miss my frens though
miss the times we had tgt...
anyway few more weeks to go only...

haha i think i really am begining to be interested in a certain someone...
but well honestly i doubt it end up as anything.
i always get myself in situation like that.
oh well lets not let things get out of hand and ruin relation and things.

focus on work...
well i guess i have low self esteem, and i lost faith in feelings.. i feel just like a lost soul. i am not happy even though there are things to be happy about.
i'm searching for sumtin that is missing that i am not sure wad is it that is lost.
i did a facebook test the other day, it say i am suffering from depression.
but am i? i do feel that way, but then physically i am not. i make sure i;m not.
i make sure i do my work no matter how i feel.
i am responsible for the people i sworn to protect. i cant let my feelings affect that.
right now i am even forcing myself to control my mood. i try not to let wad i feel show. whether is it love, hate sad or depress..
can someone be suffering from depression and not show it?
i cant sleep, i like drinking to rid the soberness off my mind, i whack my body so hard that it hurts for days. i go out spend like crazy just to make myself happy...i talk to myself in my head...i get random mood swings.
honestly i dunno wad i am good for...
it no wonder why she left me.
i was nothing to begin with and i am nothing now even though her very words changed me to who i am today.
haha i'm just crappinh.. haha...

better go and slp or try....

william

2010-05-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

ojt seems to be a good thing to be happening now. it kinda keeps me occupied most of the time. when ever i staart to feel cranky i just need to remind myself wad is it i need to do here, why am i doing my job. it is becoz i work that others may sleep in peace at nite. might sound abit corny or bulshit, but somehow its true also looking at other country like kuwait etc... well but still i feels there something missing in my life, i still feel most of the people around me dun really give a shit bout me. its like i could just be ignored from all the rest of the world. but this time round i guess i did improved abit, not letting wad i think affect most part of how i feel. its like no oint showing people ur upset when people dun even give a shit when ir alrite. they got their own group of people they are more interested in. well like i always say human emotions and tots are a complex issue. i guess i can say i really lost faith in all those things. not that i dun wan them its just i guesss maybe its just not meant for people like me. still i do hope to experience wad i see others have. guess for now i'll just make do with wad i have...

today i'm brining eva to the navy open hse. and i'm sitting at subway for an hour now. shes still not here... sigh...
lately theres a person they i kept thinking about. more and more especially now that we work at different place. sometime i wish i could work the same place as her. she kinda makes me feel comfortable. well but i guess people like her aren't really into people like me. shes got so many people into her. and she still clinging onto an old flame, haha maybe i'm just thinkiong too much... shes a very good fren of mine, not the nicest but one of the best. glad to have met her. hope she gets well from her injury and enjoy life like shhe always wans to.

william
back to reality again...

2010-05-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

things had been improving.. but somehow i ask myself if i am lieing to myself?

i prevent myself from updating.. so as not to give myself negative tots..

but in reality.. everyone is self centred sub consciously... they can say they noe how u feel and all,.. but ion actucal fact they dunreally give a shit...

only when they force themself to remember u that they do wad they say....

all i wanted was a friday of fun... i get people saying i emo... people telling me to quit myn drinking life.. and that she drink for socialise only...
kinda makes me feel like i just dun have any social life...
wadever.. all i wanted was company and fun just like u... unlike u i dun have that many frens... and i;m not that too friendly.. anyway u dun notice but i do... honestly wad am i to u? nothing... go stick to ur buddies brandon or tall or who ever.

haiz... i feel like crap... probably dun mean wadever i type but just like shit...

finish cans after cans of beer.. and a bottle of baileys... its not helping... i wan a smoke but i dun have any.... haiz... wtf... wth am i really here for...

everything needs peer evaluatioon.. i probabkly flung everyone of it now... i;m so messed up.... haiz...from today one i will not bother u all anymore...

fuck it if i have depression.. if i;m sucidal... its just me the world moves on...

not like anyone of u gioves a shiot...

2010-05-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

lately life alittle better, i guess if u really try to control ya tots it somehow become better in its own sense.

couple of days back was feeling very depress about myself especially after revising my work with my instructor. i felt like i noe nothing even after so many value added trainings. i felt like i am really worthless.. i didn;t feel like talking to anyone, i just shut up and kept to myself and blasting music in my ears and kept studying. well i guess my buddy jill knows that i felt depress, help me scan for lunch and even lend me her book she wanted to pass to me since ffdc. it was a book about slowing down my life. well i read a couple of chapters, its somewhat interesting and yet hard to believe.

i finished the test but merely passed. i guess i didn;t work hard enuff.. but well i did tried so i guess theres nothing to be sad about, just have to do better.

went for my class 2a pract 1 with jill ytd. it was fun. the more i ride it the more i wan a 2a bikez. hopefully today she is sober enuff to ride. i guessed something happen to her ytd. saw her facebook status. well i guess me being an outsider of her life cant really expect her to tell me anything, but i hope shes alrite. well i'm there for her if she ever needs, i never let a fren down. well sometimes i do wish i was like brandon and the rest where she can easily just talk and share things.. but guess i'm not.

alrite i'm going shower and heading to ssdc again le. hopefully jills awake le.

2010-05-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

sadly i feel i am no meant o be in this world. why am i trying to hard to juz be positive when the things i see is so negative. i'm always lieing with myself with logic of others just to ague that i;m wrong.

in my life majority of people only thinks of me or remember or even contact me when they need something from me. other than that who the hell gives a shit bout a bulky clumsy fat good for nothing piece of crap like me? its not like any of them will give a shit or cry for me when i collapse and die? the only people who cared most probably i hope is family.

i keep getting random moodswings like on and off.. and lately thanks of i cant fall asleep properly. i get it worst. i'm always trying to be fucking nice to people doing good deeds and all..

haiz i fuk up again... i said stoopid things to people when i'm drunk and this time it duk up real bad... i really didn;t mean it. i deserve to die.

2010-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

if thoughts and feelings could have a meter, mine would be fluctuating end to end.
woke up today, first thing i did was to set my day telling myself i shall for once be very very positive. i did house work, a bit of study, exercise and all...

somehow its quite hard to maintain leh. worst when u seeing people around ya emoing.
jills emoing, probably quarrel with bf or wad, my other frens also liddat. work lah, frens lah, or even jus pissed off the world is like that. all kinds of things. so okie i maintain my stand, i go around trying to just give positive remarks when needed. somehow the enviroment always gets ya. ya minds start to run and next thing u noe, ur back to square one. oh well least physically i'm okie. least the world wont notice. people dun really give a shit, they only act like they do. then behind ya they'll just say things. so wadever it is ur happy or unhappy the only true person that noes wad ur feeling and u dun have to say a word is ur self. people tell me if i keep bottling up i'll get depression. who knows maybe i already am. but i surpassed it? people are only depress if they feel that way, act that way and the whole world see them that way. cant u have a person feeling depress but yet becoz he understand his place and responsibility he maintain himself least on the outside?

well i'll continue to be positive, or just keeping trying.
i see things around me, made me think alot and feel alot.
i see things or people, i ask myself why am i not the one having them but watching other people have them? hahaz such questions will only kill u in the end.
but cant help it. alot of time i feel like i'm not meant to be here. maybe my past live i did sumtin wrong and i'm here to go thru feeling like crap? haha..

oh well like i always tell people. life goes on no matter wad.
william! william... dun think so much... i really hope those who say they understands me and wad i'm thinking or going thru, hope they really do. why do i still feel alone?

william

2010-05-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

Woke up today feeling like i had a car crash into my head...

sigh...i messed up again. lost control myself while partying letting my inner demons get the better of me. Doing things that troubles the people around me. WILLIAM YOU GOT TO HOLD URSELF TGT!...

Ytd i left work very early, after lunch we all head back. Was very bored at home as usual, did some workout. by the evening, i went out to meet my navy chaps and had a gathering with my army couterparts. All was well, there was me, jill, gerry, jc, tecky and his gf, yak and eugene.

Had dinner at bugis area, followed by drinking session at Amber21. All was well till i messed up. which i cant even remember when. i think i did alot of foolish, childish irritating and annoying things. my memories of them is very blurred. only remmeber bits and pieces. Well i think i really have to watch myself. since the moment i decide to change, i try not to let out everything to the people around me less they get annoyed and start to outcast or dislike me.. which i think they already feel like doing. well cant say i'm sad but neither am i truely happy. guess its about living and feeling. physical and emotional?

i did remember one point though. was a very familiar feeling, both comforting and warming. its like a very calm feeling. at the point where i was very agitated, i felt someone holding me down not in a violently way but comforting. its like someone giving u a pat on the back letting u noe they give a shit bout ya and they dun wan me to do sumtin foolish to hurt myself. i did remember holding the person hand not wanting to let go, its like u found something comforting and u noe if its gone ya probably wont get it again. it reminded me of a certain someone, who used to give me that feeling. used to, till she turned my world upside down. i woke up today thinking that was a dream, but i'm very sure it was real. well i know maybe i shldn't have, but still i wanna say thank you to the person. even for a short time, it felt good to noe someone cared.

well i wanna apologise to my frens, all of them... i messed up again.. i kept messing up.. i am trying not to. pls dun condemn me. i wont let it happen again.

well as of now, i will make a stand to change myself. keep trying..
i will set my priorities straight, no matter wad happen, to exercise self control over my emotions. i will not act up upon my feelings, or burden my frens around me with my whining, unhappiness or mood swings. all this comes from me and i will keep them in me and not let it affect the things around me.

i wan a fresh start but i really dun noe how. someone pls guide me. tell me wad shld i do.

next week i've got 2 exams coming up. i guess my first step is to start preparing for it? do wads important and keep myself occupied.

sometimes i see things and people others have, i wan one too. i wish i have one too. hahaz but i guess a person like me dun derserve to have them, if there was a god, i'd probably be out of his grace, abandoned and left out. for the things i said and done. guess i'm not wad they say i am.. for now i just wish my frens wont abandon me for all the things i messed up..

william

2010-04-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

i am trying to keep my mind thinking straight, trying not to think too much, focus on my work and all. or simply put try to be positive. hmmm i think i really need spend some time to sort out my tots and priority. maybe i shld simply just keep to myself and just watch the world goes by and not get affected by it. i'm a social person, i dun really like to be left out and alone. but reality is the latter. wads the point of me trying to talk to people when they dun even bother to reply? well i guess i'm thinking too much again. maybe they are busy with their own things. i shldn't burden my frens to entertain me or company me. coz in life its a fact that u will lose everyone around u sooner or later and accept the fate of being alone. whether in the later part of ur life or in a coffin. i'm very disappointed with myself ytd. did another test and i misunderstand how to do certain things. if others could do it i feel like a failure when i cant. i shld have prepare harder maybe? i got to pull myself tgt, no matter how much i like or dun like this job. i may be better at other job but since i'm here i guess i shld give it my best? well but wad is giving it my best when i hardly am the best? irony.
i'm just a weirdo stuck among people who dun know or understand or maybe even appreciates me. gone are the days where i'm surrounded by frens who actuclly feels like they know ya. here everything is about themself and each other. dun deny it. i've been doing sould searching for a long time now, trying to understand things, understand myself my existence. i still am.. i feel like there are unanswered questions in my that i dun even noe the questions to begin with. feel like an empty shell, discarded and unwanted? i dunno.. theres this feeling in me that driving me mad. but i cant put it to words.
gtg for work.
william

2010-04-28T07:21:00.000-07:00

as of today, i'll try to just purely write wad i feel here. and not act up on it in front of people. honestly people in reality they are all the same. they listen to only wad they wan to. no they dun give a shit wad ur going thru or say. they only say they do when the moment they say it affects u directly. well true, maybe i do get moody alot, so much so long till i can do my work and still continue to live and smile. but then wad i feel inside. who the hell noe rite? even if i try to express myself people dun really give a shit. i can only like they say suck thumb. i wan a fren. a companion. someone who think of me when they wanna talk or hang out. someone who think of me not becoz they need my but they wanna noe how am i or wad am i doing or sumtin. everyone or almost everyone say they care, they noe wad i am saying. but do they? no they dun. some people say its they way i talk thats why i'm treated differently. but is it? well maybe i shld juz find a companion who noes me inside out and i can talk everything with them. i have stared into my screen for the past few hours, even taking the initiative to tag on people in facebook. but wad happen. they fucking ignored me, they rather reply their own click then me. i went for a run, i see all the couples old and young. while i have to jog thru the winds alone. for some reason or that reasons i miss my sch days. least i got company around me. i sms people, they give me the crappy reply. they only sms me when they need something from me. i try to talk to people. strike a conversation, they give me the haha oh ok reply or worst simply ignore. wtf am i doing wrong? dun lecture me about wad i shld do or not. wad the diff between me talking about something that happen to me, and i hoped that it interest something or the other person care and give me a reply. and wad other people is going thru the nite be4. its simply put, they are not fucking interested in me or anything with me. i feel like a shell in the world purely empty. one day if i am to die the only people they will give a shit is family. and no one else. i look at things ebing positive. but then reality of the world is juz getting me. i hate this place, my life. even though morally i am to love my life. there are people worst off than me.. i noe... but bad and worst its still not good. they might have it worst, but i;m niot doing any better either. i'm juz crapping my brains out here. i cant even explain wad i'm going thru with words WHO GIVES A SHIT? maybe i shld juz die or sumtin. wad am i living for? my family and a hope that tml will be a better day.. but it always isn;t. if there is a god, pls save me...i do my best for people around me, but no one does anything for me. i gladly let myself be used by others juz for a little feeling of people giving a shit bout me, even though its not real. but juz a short while the feeling i'm happy with it. i feel damn shiity... but life goes on.. sleep and pray tml will be better.

2010-04-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

was trapped in the rain with a good fren of mine at spec mess and somehow talked about blog abit.. tot i come back for a visit.. notice i actuclly update not that long ago although close to couple of months.
alot of things have changed... i dunno is it for the better or worst..
maybe i shld return here to write since i noe my blog is almost dead.. and no one really reads them le... shall start writing again soon. maybe tml or when i'm free from work

2009-11-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

its ben really really long, and i guess the people who kept reading my blog probably tot its dead... good thats wad i wanted. some private space for me to flood my tots.

its so fuking frustrating... one bad fell and it fuking ruin my friday and probably sat too... fuk... went all the way down to haf some fucker to order me home or he'll charge me.. worst thing was cant he had put it nicely? like my mdm? its bad enuff i feel like a handicap. i felt i could go on, who is he to say otherwise. honestly i feeling damn rebelious, but noeing the fuck that i am a soldier, i take pride being one. i noe wad i can do and wad i cant even though i wan to. i take instructions whether i like it or not. as long as its lawful. Fuking hell paid 80 dollars for it. waited weeks for it. just to had it all ruined. was hoping to haf some time tgt with my batch gals and boys. some proper chill time. i'm already losing my edge blowing my mind. losing focus... trying my best to keep up. maintain top 2 positions. i already failed. now i go to class feeling like a failure... wad would my superior say after the knockout performance i had be4 i came. they probably think i slacken off.. it probably cost my chance at going degreee and going up me4 even though my name is still in it. its probably just me, i feel my life abit in a mess.. dunno how to go about sorting it. theres juz so many tots.... honestly i'm feeling just like a fren of mine, emo everyday.... but i cant let that show can i? i got a job to do...
i wake up feeling like shit, thru out the day try to make it better it doesn;t really seem to work anyway. honestly i cant even haf a proper conversation in camp. everytime i try to talk, its either the things i talk about they dun noe, not interested or i'm ignored whether on purpose or not. its probably just me. sometimes i really think i'm meant to really be alone. i haf to deal with it. i got plenty of frens.. loads of them, but who actuclly noes me? not more than a handful. i try my best to noe people. but it always turns out wrong. i got people treating me like a bank, people taking advantage of my good will. i feel fuking pissed off but i just couldn;t vent it out. this world is one selfish son of a bitch. people only say things u wanna hear. but how many they mean it? i wonder. everyone is selfish.. admi it... theres only a handful of really nice people. who stubbornly goes around helping when he himself cant really help... i ask myself.. why? ya noe when i was a kid, i always tell myself i wanna be the good guy, helping others at my own good will, trouble myself to ease others problem. stuff like that. but i think i read too much or watch too much fairy tales. in the end its still u alone. came into the world with nothing but urself i probably leave it alone too. i feel fuking fucked up...

fuk it i'm gonna throw my crutches into the storeroom, i'm gonna self heal like i always been doing. i dun believe by tml i cant run... been thru worst...honestly i think next week i;m gonna be in a fuking bad mood....worst than wad i always been....
life is a shit hole.... with a few cosmetic here and there...

end

2009-07-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

been a while....
recently been stream to my vocation, entered JRC phase, lifes a little better(less colors and eme not forgeting row call)

today is my first wed in JRC, my first liberty... or in normal term nights out..
had plans for it...
but it all washed down to nothing at all...
dunno is sianed o pissed off...
wad i'm doing now i could haf brought laundry home to wash and dry and iron and bring back... or juz stay in camp rest or sumtin...

forget it...
i think i'm gonna fall sick soon, body getting warm... having mild prolonged headaches.
feeling uneasy after meals... got to take care of myself.

lately i feel like i'm being ignored by people...
maybe i shld cut down on the correcting the facts of others. or simply talk less see more.. i find u'll learn alot more that way.

and also.. my new bunkmates.. half the lot is lazy.. and most cant square out their bunks after waking up. they tend to wake up late. dunno how to say this but doesn't seem to be my type of clicks. we dun fight or dun get along.. its juz the feeling is different. hahaz miss my old cabin mates. the cabin where alot of the prominent people of the bmt cohort.

lessons gonna start time to kick start my brain to work again...
and got to train for ippt next year liao.. went runnig and i find all the junk food is killing me...

gtg...
william

2009-06-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

block leave.....

now its going friday already time flies when ur relax....
been jam packing my whole week lol

like partying with frens and all that.

talking bout party...
wed nite ladies nite,
was kinda forced to go powerhouse...
but okie lah did enjoy myself, free entry LOL
there i also saw this really really cute gal.
got the sweetest smile.
she was with a couple of frens.
i looked at her, she smiled, i smiled and that kept going on till her frens tot i crazy.
then one part when she walk passed me i kinda approach her and whisper to her ears shes cute. omg then she gave this really sweet smile.
hahaz.
but the sad part. didn't got her number. shld haf ask when i had the chance.. haiz sadded...

oh well i guess maybe next time?

2009-06-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

130609 Saturday
POP day!~

Honestly i never taught this day would come. I remember the day when i enlist into BMT in IMOS on 130409. When i enlisted, it was 3 days to the previous batch (04/08) POP day, on their POP day i sat there at the gallery watching as they paraded down the parade square and end it with the throwing of their beret. That day i asked myself, when will it be my turn although i know its juz a mere 3 months be4 its my turn. 3 months in BMT, been thru blood and sweat from a selfish self centered company to a BMT 01/09 that incorporate "HIT" (honor, integrity and TEAMWORK). According to some, we'r the ones that made everyone proud setting the standard. our 3 months here we achieved so much to show case to the rest of TRACOM. although there were times when we failed and crash and burn, from bad to worst. but many thanks to our instructors for not giving up on us no matter how much crap we put them thru and also for protecting us when we screw up.

Today, we all woke up all excited to put up a good show for an event that was going to be once in our lifetime, the event that we probably gonna remember for many years down the road. siting at the victory hall waiting for all the guest and loved ones to settle down was the most agitated moment. everyone was afraid of screwing up everyone wants to put a good show. why is that so?

Because days be4 POP, we kept screwing up so badly that we failing the vatting by our 2 IC. it was so bad that they we'r thinking about cancelling all the extra things.everyone was in an all time low but our teamwork pulled thru. we all worked hard and we actuclly succeeded. looking at the videos my parent took. i myself am amaze that we actuclly performed so close to perfection.

the drill team, the most stress team i'd say. by the end of our performance, my sgt in charge was jumping with joy. we did the impossible and made it all happen.

a little flashback regarding the drill team.

originally selected based on drill proficiency test results, however with some opting out we had to mix others into the group. started out slow, couldn't do most of the things slowly working tgt. challenging ourself with harder and harder formations and moves. doing things that the other batch failed to do. we stressed till the very last day deciding the music and pace to work with. settled with 2 groupd march in criss cross cutting down our rifles juz nice be4 smacking into each other, and some static drills followed by a marching move that is quite hard especially when in such short time. most people would march in a single file or a cross. we chose to march in a "Y" formation. Now u may say its easy, but in a Y formation, u cant see or guage the person or dressing around u thus having to trust each other and one mind and one move to get it thru. ending we march into 2 file facing eaching other doing a waved like sequence throwing our rifles and doing drilles ending juz nice with every pair shooting up their rifles, spin it down and back up. we wanted a fancy ending but my sgt said this" if all those u do it with perfection, a simple march off the audience would already go crazy without all the extra ending. and guess wad? he was right! I'm so proud of my drill team, unofficially the wonderboys.

now more flashback about the moments in BMT that i rmrmeber deeply.

came in PTP, work so hard till my body aches and breaks. but by BMT it all becames easy when our bodies are conditioned to handle all the stress.but new challenege arise, discipline matters, personal grudges, living up to expectation and passing test. a few example is duing the last week of our confinement week, our OC came down to do rounds and with our standard that time, where everyone cared only abou their own bunk, ended with 9 different standard in one level. in the end our OC forced us to come up with 6 casualty. there we learned teamwork. putting ourself aside and looking to do as a whole.

other than that there are also alot alot of small moments that i dunno how to write it out here but i am sure i'll keep it close to me at all times.

i wanna say many thanks to all our instructors. also hope they enjoyed OC nite! sgt kent and his wondergirls dance!, sir chang and his recruit clone lol. etc etc. many thanks to my bunk mate and of cuz my division, the best divison of 01/09!~ CHALLENGER! "AH WHOO!"

i guess i'll never make it to POP with out all of them. i noe i'll miss those days. i'll keep in mind all the things i learned from my sirs and sgt. they made me a new person. seeing and working differently.

to anyone going in soon, i hope ur BMT will be as meaningful as mine. keep in mind, " be thankingful for tough training. for it is because of tough training that in future u got sumtin to tell and remember of." always work tgt as a team, u wont make it alone. take everything in good light. no matter how pissed off u get remember the instructors dun like doing things to u either. imagine when u POP, all that happen to them is restart back to new greenhorns immediately. be thankful!~ gain as much from it as possible!.

william logging off.

2009-05-24T02:43:00.001-07:00

lately i let my temper get the better side of me alot of time...
i guess my temper isn't exectly very good. i get pissed of with people quite easily.. its juz most of the time i keep telling myself its not worth blowing my head for..
for instance i get pissed off with people who when lesson being taught, dun focus and pay attention and when test come all desperately come ask this and that.. and wad makes me more pissed of is.. i can nv turn down a plea, it irritate me if i cant help the person out 100%, but in a short time to teach them things is like almost impossible... and this kinda things always makes me feel people is taking me for granted lol.

so far bmt is quickly coming towards the end, another milestone of my life is coming to an end soon, the entire week i'm damn sick and shag... went for alot of important lesson. such as range and chemical defense etc, its all quite fun and quite and experience. fun not exactly easy though lol. as for my range, my theory and my IMT was almost perfect but my live range i screwed up =(.. haiz.. history repeats. back in ncc it was like that too.

weee i lost weigth again =) damn happy...

enuff bout those...

ytd when i book out was suppose to meet my bunk people for sushi...
they say met 3pm, the lot of them came at close to 5...
i happily jio my dear fren for lunch wait for them till i sianz...
coz i meeting martin and grp at 7.
in the end i meet my bunk people but i nv eat , then i head over meet martin and grp for dinner. after dinner, they psycho me to watch NATM2, jio my dear fren along.
its a very nice show =) sweet too. looking at some scene i kinda had some self tot.
lately this months got alot of nice show to watch. =)

in a few moment gonna go bookin le, wonder wads in stall this week.
been sick and still sick but hopefully heal by tml, coz i really dun wan get status.
but if its needed i'll go see the MO, else my dear fren will kill me and ignore me liao LOL.

hahaz ya noe, i noetice throughout alot of my post i always talk about my dear fren. sometimes i wonder wad will life be without her. shes like the one i rant to, talk to, hang out. she hears me out every night in camp, the one i meet for meals when i book out. juz wanna say a very big thank you! =) dunno wad i'll do without u =D

going o0ff le
william

2009-05-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

blogging again even though at thwe moment my head is practically spinning like mad....
will try to ton till 6.,30 to wakie wakie my dear fren up for work, wonmt wan her to be late for work will i?

anyqway todsay is the day to book in after a long weekend.. witch sucks.... honestly who like to get screwed in camp rite? but for me i look forward.. not tjat i'm sadistic.. juz sometimes being outside i feel alone... thank goodness today for the fun we had drinking to our hearts content. i thank my dear fren for spending time with me. with all her problems i wish i could do moe but as a very good fren i can only be around to render support as and when she needs it. =) i'll always loook out ya back alrite. had a joplly good time toiday... zzz damn hard to type when ur finger aren;t responding wad the brain ask it to do.. but oh well make do... drank like mad...
as always i always had things walled up in my heart.. dun care wad others think about them,.. i juz feel good letting loose after a good nite of drinking... drinks bring people tgt. letting the inner self talk... but too much can harm....

to my dear fren who noes me so well.. she noes i'm always going thru allt his crap and nitemare.. but she noes i always handle them so well not affecting my daily life. i'm juz glad shes always or mostly around for me. shes like a girlfren without all the relationship liabilities, someone who cares for me like she care for a family. i really appreciate that. juz remember to take good care of urself alrite. =)
honestly if ur missing from my life. i'll feel like my life juz lost anothe big piece. =) hope u noe wad ipm talkng about.. i noe u definately noe wad i;m talking about even without me saying.
=)

take care and meet up again.

many thx to my bunk mates too =) see ya all 2045 later.
william.
miserable, but feeling great now, with a really good fren around him.

2009-05-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

080509 long weekend again

back home again, evening plan all canceled... kinda suxs...
lately been suffering from very bad saw throat and cough.
mood kinda going down by the day also. although mentally pressing very hard to garang.
every passing day, i seem to be getting more and more alone.
seems to me like slowly i'm like left out of everyone.
cant really blame anyone or anything, everyone got their on commitment.
i cant expect them to stand by me thru my life rite.
but looking at where i stand now i really wonder, wad i done so far in my life,
wad and where i stand among my peers. am i really wad they tell me or am i something else.?
ya noe my phonebook is getting lesser and lesser, and worst, the majority of them no long contact me anyway. lol kinda sad eh?
then even in camp, i'm good with everyone but how close am i to them. even my buddy.
yes, i haf my click, but its like we'r juz enjoying each others empty company.
i wonder, is there something wrong with my attitude? sometimes i juz feel so alone, i prefer to be left alone, watching things go by around me. seeing everyone making their calls everynite, where i juz stare into my phone wonder who can i call.
whats the point of becoming fit,strong, street smart, wise when everything is juz myself only rite? hahaz all this seems to be negative self talk/tots. in a lesson i had lately regarding stress its a symtom, now i ask, am i stress? i dun think so.. well all this been inside me for a long time, juz so far able to get away from them.
it always come back to find me. sometimes i juz think of my future.

zzz enuff with all this negative tots.

a little bit on the things i been thru.
first aid, lots of test paper. and not to forget, a talk by commander regarding the navy day incident, not exectly a big thing but the things he brought up made me thinking alot. its about personal responsibility, personal best, pride. i do agree with wad he mention, if u step in to the parade u dun fall out. if u are not well dun participate. if u wan in, u see it thru. its like in war or in mission, once ur in u finish it by hook or by crook. but then i believe we shld not comprimise safety too. so far all my training i haf been pushing although most of the time get fucked for things i did not do. i only fall out once, and it sucks, everyone look at me like i'm useless or chao geng. its sucks..

well i'm not exectly in a good mood... but not saying its bad...
juz i suddenly feeling shutting myself to myself only..
i'll end here..
back to rotting alone listening to music...

william
aircon spoil..... sucks

2009-05-05T03:25:00.000-07:00

050509 Tuesday

Today is Navy Day, so we get to booked out around 1200h, in the morning,things were pretty relax, everyone was busy with things, while we recruits won't involve in anything. well its not exactly a bad thing but then, i kinda wonder its the navy day and we are also part of the navy although we have not finish our BMT. In the afternoon, there were suppose to be games, by the time we march there it was almost halfway. Best thing, we got to stand there by the side watching, luckily they allowed us to sit later on, after not long we were asked to march back, they wanted to let us out earlier. woohoo...honestly lately mood hasn't been very good. alot of things kinda irritated me, some people really pisses me off. i really hate people who comment so much and complain so much but is incapable of doing things. they say it like as if things are so easily done, but when asked to do it or take charge all their balls dropped. and when forced to do things, they do it like crap. hoenstly its becoz of them i got saw throat every fucking week. losing my voice everyday. i wake up every morning with a throat so dry so painful. yes i noe i have the experience to lead to time to do things, but hey i'm human, everyone is human, i cant sustain it 24/7 for everyday....only people who been in the IC position understands wad i'm saying... so if any of u here is reading... if u dun wanna take charge, least u can do is make it a little easier for the people taking charge, do things quietly and properly and not forgetting fast. if u think theres a better way to do things, suggest it up nicely. not swear at the person in front.!

enuff with that...

today although booked up, i end up being alone again. well cant blame anyone though, its a weekday and everyone is working. but it kinda sucks.. =P damn man sometime i really wish i got someone to be by my side when i need them, someone who thinks about me not only when they need me. maybe i juz need some company.. lately my dear fren also been a little strange, i wonder is she alrite? well dunno why, but when i called her, i hear her, i can tell shes like super tired, sounds like not juz physically tired but like troubled by things. i hope things work out, and if ya need i'll be here for ya alrite. dun worry bout troubling me alrite, wad are frens for rite, plus to me ur somewhat an important fren to me, so ur problems is my problems okie. last but not least dun overwork urself okie, knowing ya, when ur stressed out, bored or even troubled u tend to juz chiong work. we shld go haf coffee or sumtin or even dessert! its been a long while. well even though i'm in camp, i do spend some time and tot thinking bout my frens. be it they do the same for me or not =D thats juz me.

talking bout frens i wonder hows my poly mates doing. kinda miss them already. 3 years of close proximity, now suddenly i'm like so far from them. i miss those days when we fight, haf fun or even game tgt. dun forget me guys, we shld hang out sometimes in the weekend alrite! F6 plus the gals =)

gonna cherish the last few hours here relax in aircon and music, now listening to love story by taylor swift. gonna go study for basic trainfire package later. for tml paper.

gonna end here.
feeling damn lonely... =S
william.

2009-05-03T02:02:00.000-07:00

back after 2 weekend confinement, cant say those 3 weeks pass very fast, but still its over....
wanted to enjoy this weekend as much as i can, but then now its almost time to book in, i kinda wonder, did i enjoy it that much? feels kinda sucks...
but still had some good time, first thing i came out i went to eat with my dear fren, she was kind enuff to fetch me straight from tenah merah, hahaz, thank you! wish every week book out she come fetch me. then we head over east coast eat sushi teh, we juz spam all the good food there. =D its okie, once in a long while. then the night we went drinking, well the drinking could haf gone better, its okie, i promise the next one will be better. i'll rest myself well enuff to drink to hearts content with ya.

other than that nothing much really happen this weekend. no one was really free to pei me also. sat morning, went to meet derrick, my senior in njd, to pick up our graduation attire. hang out and ate at cine, then play lan, haben had so much fun for a while now. miss those days when i was under them in njd, where we haf fun and train hard tgt. one day we shld all meet up again, the marks, derrick and me =D

honestly i feel like crap now.. damn sianzzzzz, home alone... sucks man...
lately been thinking alot of things also, regarding my decision on taking my current profession, regarding the things that happened to me, regarding my situations now.
sometimes i really wonder how much am i worth to the people around me. hahaz. been trying to talk to her, but as usual always busy, kinda makes me wonder... wads the point in commiting into things when in the end ur forgotten. hahaz as usual, the only thing to say is MOve on.... not that i;m sad or wad.. it juz amaze me how much people can change when their surrounding, or priority change. one moment ur the most important thing to them, next ur juz yesterday.
hahaz damn man, i miss all my frens, poly and sec. all the good times we had. =P its so true time waits for no one. well now its all about how to go on from where i am.

every choice has a consequences, a price to pay, sumtin to give and take. things will forever keep changing as we grow up.

well take care people. another week in the stuck in camp... lucky me, next week tuesday half day due to navy day, then sat holiday so i presume fri night book out.
then following week wed i graduation so can book out again.
after that no more book out, and i calculated, POP around 20th june. a somewhat long way to go.

william

2009-04-04T03:35:00.000-07:00

back again, 1 more week to go be4 bmt start, be4 ptp end.
honestly i think i've improved alot after being inside for juz 3 weeks.
looking forward to the things that are coming.

ya noe, alot of times i really get sick of the regimantal life inside,
but i tell myself, it was my choice, it was wad i wanted, it still is, i'm gonna suck it up and take it like a man... i'm very glad for my csm to give us those motivational talk, my sergeants for pushing us to the limits and at times treat us nicely and motivating us to move on. i think without those things, i would haf gone mad LOL

well lifes been pretty tough, though some might say its tougher else where, but i guess how tough life is depend on oneself, how oneself perceive it. for em, its tough, but manageable. or ya can say, its nothing i cant handle =)

well while inside i tried many things, many role, i think i performed them quite well,
i'm the loudest person in my company, no one can drown my timing when i'm timer, while i can drown the person giving command LOL, i tried the role of a division IC, leading a small amount of men, even tried my hands at company IC, leading everyone.
at times i really hate the pressure, but thinking back, hmm it was nothing. maybe juz the counting strength part abit headache..

there i learn to manage between being strict and being nice. got to balance it to gain the respect of the people following you. too strict they'll rebel and go against ya, too nice they dun follow.

the things i miss the most inside, is probably my family, frens, my freedom(well not really unless you call wasting time slacking around, freedom) but i guess now i nv regret joining. =) piece of advice to ya guys out there, really go train, or u'll really suffer. =)

2009-03-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

first update after enlistment...
technically, i'm not in bmt yet...
i'm not strong enough, not fit enough,
so i ended up in the PTP phase.
objective is to bring myself to a whole new level to be ready for everything that comes at me.

the main thing i feel regarding life in the regiment, is first to change the mindset, it may sound corny to tell urself that after taking the oath and shaving the head, ur on ur way to be a soldier. but it is true. the faster u accept that fact the faster u adapt the faster u perform the faster it progress.

many people go in thinking, how can they slack, how can they relax. but guess life is not like that. its alot more different that wad they say outside. as for me its gonna be my career, i'm gonna give it my best. i faced difficulty, i got to learn to overcome it.

personally i'll advice my friends who yet to enter the army, please go train urself physically,mentally. when they say dun worry, the army will train u, i agree on that but trust me it will be a hell lot easier if u start early be4 u enter. else u'll probably be in a whole of pain... also try to find things to motivate urself to get thru things. NEVER give up, regardless its physical training, or life inside. juz have to suck it up take it like a man, Tough man... coz if u give up, things probably will get and feel alot worst. when u try ur best, not only u will gain, become stronger, u'll feel life slowly gets easier.

in short, life in the navy is not what they say, easy and slack, it is on;y that way only when u learn and ways and strong enuff.

regimental life is very very very simple, but not and never will be easy. everything is step by step, routine, but never try to compromise the rules or pay the price.

some may like it some may not. but grow some pride, ask urself, u got 80 years to live, how much do u wanna achieve in the 80 years.

so far, i've been in there doing alot alot of physical training, twice a day everyday. train till it ache, and continue till it stop aching. u'll feel urself getting stronger by the day. food wise is considerbly good, welfare is never better. and getting fucked is almost certain everyday. a few things i learn so far, proper warm up, exercise, drills, and alot of standard things. some principles that i learned "HIT" (Honor, Integrity, Teamwork) a few motivational phrase to push myself on, " Tough time dun last, Tough man do", "Mind over body", "There is no "I" in SEALs", "Good Deal For Good SEALs". even though we'r not divers or commandos or even the navy seals, all this are priciples that is true. integrity, when u screw up u pay the price, accept it and move on, every action has a consequences, u do good u earn the priviledge, u screw up ur reward is pain. so guys and gals, all i can say is suck it up.

so far 10 days, i went from a chao recruit to a maggot, up to a division IC and now a Company IC, i screwed up a number of time. but kept in mind the ABC, no Argue, no Bargain, no Complaint. adapting at first wasn;t easy, but as time pass the fast u accept the reality the better u will get. and advice to u lot, my staff-sergent tell us, assumption is mother of all fuck up. so never assume. in a few hours time, its time to revert myself back to a soldiers mindset, and tackle the next 6 days.

message to add, i really dislike Rounds(aka standby bed/bunk/area) got to learn attention to details. looking forward to BMT in 3 weeks time, and POP in 2 months 3 weeks. wish me all the best.

short term goal: IPPT SILVER, followed by gold.

william

2009-03-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

this probably my last post in a long long time.

few more hours to enlistment, i noe wad ur thinking... "wad the hell am i still awake for at 3.30"

anyway, went to do some last min purchase, and back home,
today met my poly click, though not everyone came, and well spend alot of the time rotting. but still, i did enjoy dinner very much. take care ya all!

the past few days been doing alot of meetup and gathering, well i noe, its not the end of the world when it comes to enlistment. its juz i dun like endings, ending one chapter of ur life normally means losing a few people along the way. and i dun noe when i'll meet them again, some wont even get to meet for a long time. i treasure my frens and even if they forgot me, i'll always remember them.

did many insane things and had hell of a good time, fun, surprises, etc etc...
catch all of ya up when i'm out.

to my dear fren, well even though we dun noe each other for super duper long time, but we click like we know each other for a lifetime. take good care, and all the best for ur future, be it study or work. remember ur dear fren here "a fren at all times"(i think u shld noe where this line comes from) and also "anytime anywhere" hahaz, those times juz kinda came to me suddenly. =D

hahaz justin, felix and ck, i noe ur NS time not yet here, but hahaz it will come one day! and i'll be waiting lol enjoy ur holidays while u can. take care ya!

2009-03-08T12:08:00.001-07:00

wooohoooo..... juz came home from an exciting nite...
today suppose to meet my dear fren be4 i enlist, hahaz allocated a day for her,
to my surprise she organized a group..
thx thx =)
tell u the truth i was really surprise, i really tot justin and felix happen to came by.
till the 3nd time justin said "surprise!"
we went to iguana i think.. not sure the name.
its the 2nd time i been there,
talking bout that.. OMG had the hottest chilli in my whole life..
there was the Tabasco(no kick), the hot sauce(dunno wad sauce is that but quite hot) and there was the EXTRA hot sauce(this one is killer!)
we also had flavored margarita. eat slack and talk =)
then after that me, justin, felix and ck we went to eski.
i met my fren dex, long time since i been there, its sad but it seems that seri left.
we'll contact her one day =)
after that we wanted to eat so we decide go simpang bedok.
kinda got lost ended up driving towards taus.
did alot of stunt... then exit out queensway and back on track on the ecp.
lol justin is one safe yet insane driver! LOL
turning here and there, once even swaying from the first lane to the last lane while in the expressway. then also letting the car roll back down while waiting for the traffic light. hahaz it was one hell of a ride.
when nearing simpang, justin let me drive in one of those empty carpark. well i did a pretty good job =D wahhhh now i wanna drive!! i wan car license... damn! if i took it last time i would haf got it and drive my dads car. oh well next time.

anyway today was really great, really thx, i;m definately gonna miss you all while i get confine inside. never tot this day would come so fast.
all the best for ur results alrite!
lets catch up again, this time me without my hair.

anyway a few days be4 today, i also meet up with the group go chill, at e hub, justin treat me japanese food, eat until damn full, slack around play the arcade, waiting for justin to return. taking alot alot of pictures too..
but justin came back damn late, so we ended up heading over ck's place first,
taking even more pictures along the way. its on friendster if ur interested.
there we drink to our hearts content, and play rock band and watch shows,
had lotsa fun, its been a long while since i drink till so seh...
next day rot till evening be4 heading home for my grandma's birthday.
had another feast =)

i guess thats about it all for now.
today i also packed my room. damn empty now..

to my dear fren, gonna miss ya, we'll definately catch up up once i'm out. all the best for ur results!
take care u all!...
justin drive safe!
ck intro me that astrologist!
felix! i still haben seen ur gf lol...
wish me all the best... hope i never make a mistake commiting to the navy hahaz..

2009-03-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

another sleepless nite...
well things are improving.
but still kinda having difficulty sleeping..

anyway.. went singing with qianhui and frens
enjoyed myself pretty much, though kinda not much mood to sing,
hahaz i sing like crap today. but still had fun =)
thank u all.
reminder to self tml remember to call TMS to update my particulars and ask about my last sem result and whether or not i need to submit them since my enlistment is be4 result release.
anyway came across a music video by 3 doors down, made for the US national guard.
kinda find it nice though. the song is base on the things the national guard do. from my knowledge the national guard is the ones who protect on the soil of their own country. they response to natural disaster and such. to me, anyone willingly putting their life on the line to protect their believes and their dear ones deserve some respect. even more, helping those in need. anyway heres the video

and here are the lyrics,

3 Doors Down
Citizen Soldier lyrics
Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights,
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself,
When that moment finally comes,
I'll be there to help.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here.
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there are people crying in the streets,
When they're starving for a meal to eat,
When they simply need a place to make their beds,
Right here underneath my wing,
You can rest your head.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there...

There... there... there...

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
But rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
On that day when you don't have the strength for the burden you bear,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
(Citizen soldiers)
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

2009-03-01T11:53:00.000-08:00

3 in the morning, and i cant get to slp...
well i'm kinda losing alot of slp lately...
and well i dun intend to go back to my old ways of going to slp...
feels kinda like alot of things on my mind...
but i can lock on to any of it.
its like a mess inside but then i cant seem to find the source of each lol
weird..
maybe juz a little messed up inside..
too many things inside, but cant think,
sad to say wad i tot would be the happiest moment in my 2009 soon become possibly another sad one. i nv could take ending easily. but thru experience i noe i can definately get over it.
i'm the sort who dun take anything feelings lightly, but everytime feelings always takes me lightly.
i guess its juz how things is.
juz feel a little sad, but it'll be over in no time..
but oh well its a 2 person thing, and theres no way to force things thru rite =)
so if it gotta happen it will happen.
hahaz maybe i;m the sort who thinks too much =P
anyway.
1 more week to go.
more like 11 days.
this week i juz wanna hang out with all my frens and family.
if possible everyone close to me.
after some thinking.
some of them i dun even noe when will it gonna be to meet them again in the future..
the truth about things is juz cruel.
as time pass people ur close with juz leaves u one by one.
only some stand by u.

anyway.. kinda thinking wad to do...
sg is so god damn small that theres like not much to do.
do this and some of them dun like do that and the others dun like..
well as long as we meet up be4 i go in i'll be happy.
suddenly feel like asking my dear fren go dinner and dessert LOL
well she influenced me to eat dessert hahaz, and i influenced her to drink.
well now shes holds her alcohol alot better than i do =P
anyway guys and gals..
lets meet up be4 i go alrite.
in case we dun get to see each other again in the future. lets make this a memorable one.

william

2009-02-28T01:04:00.000-08:00

a change of the weather and it changes everything in a day.
sadded... AARRGGGHHHH why muz it rain, spoils my day.

oh well, suddenly i;m home alone no plans...

hahaz at first ck from last week wanted to ask me go double o...
its a club with very cheap drinks, but its 21 and above for guys, so to sneak in they put us in guest list. but becoz i already got plan for tonite, i didn't gave my name to go.
but now that it rains everything changes.
gf dun wan go out liao, then i also dun wan lightbulb my bro and his gf =P
well its okie lah i guess, wont wan her to catch a cold or get caught in the rain and fall sick especially now that her bike tp is around the courner.
jia you!! hahaz ya noe now i kinda wish i didn;t pass then can go revision with ya like last time how we met =)
muz like me liddat one shot pass alrite!

arrrrr back to staring at space finding things to do..
wanted go swim but darn rain... also cant swim zzz lol

william

2009-02-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

rotting at home nothing to do, thats wad i;m doing now...
well mostly slept thru the day, coz very darn tired...
came back in the morning, was at ck's place playing poker..
honestly speaking poker is a very interesting game...
anyway...
yay!~ today very happy, going to meet peishan later...
meeting her and my bro and his gf for dinner.
hehe double date!~ ;)

1 more week to enlistment, i wanna fill the whole week up to meet everyone be4 i go in...
spend more time with frens, family and last but not me gf...
kinda sad though, so fast enlistment day come liao...
not that i'm not looking forward...
juz kinda sad its an end to one chapter of my life and going to the next.
i;m nv a person for endings hahaz
hopefully the frens i met for the last 3 years, we'll be frens for at least the next 30 years lol

well lets see wad happens in the future. hopefully everything goes well.

william

2009-02-26T06:59:00.000-08:00

wooo hooo!! exams ended, and i can say i unofficially graduated!
=D overall the exams was quite okie, not exectly gonna score very well..
forgot some things when doing the paper.
but passing definately wont be a problem!

2 more weeks to enlistment, i got most of my things ready,
left a few more items to prepare and get. must remind myself to take a nice pic with me gf be4 i leave, =P really wonder wads it like inside. i noe it wont be like in the movies but i expect a pretty exciting life? i certainly hope so, new challenges and problems to face. i must really work hard and do well this time as it is gonna affect my life drastically. =) BMT here i come, hopefully do well and they let me go OCS or sumtin =P

anyway today, woke up around 10, went to tp to meet peishan, meeting her after her exam for lunch and movie, and some quiet time tgt. well i enjoyed my day, hopefully she enjoyed hers too, besides the sleeping at home part hahaz. all the best to ur upcoming bike TP, dun overwork yaself hor! i see ya so hardcore go practice revision. hahaz
also in the evening went with my qianhui for dinner and dessert, chat abit about our lives from last time till now, hangout again soon ya!

take care see ya soon!
william

2009-02-17T02:57:00.000-08:00

Graduation, Enlistment all coming closer now....

now that my life is having a turn, everything is coming to an end and also beginning.
found someone i like who likes me juz as much=)
enlistment coming next month,
exams over soon,

talking bout exams,
today i had my Multi-layer swtiching labtest,
not say i'm very confident with it, but still kinda disappointed,
could haf done alot better than juz pass.
but still juz pass is better than failing.
did too many silly mistake that took out alot of my time.
worst of all is wad my lectuerer tell me at the end of it kinda makes me feel even more disappointed with myself =(
he said " william... i expected more from ya." wahhhhh sadded man...
shall not sulk here, and look forward.

i juz finish a show on national geographic, CARRIER
well i'm both fascinated and excited after watching it.
it kinda shows ya the life on board the most expensive and powerful asset floating on water.
an asset that house over 3000 people and 70 over aircraft and tons of equipment.
many in there are people our age. its like a small town in there.
not exectly the easy life but still a unique one.
honestly speaking i really dun mind trying that life for once.
even better if i had the oppotunity to became a fighter pilot onboard a united states aircraft carrier. hahaz day dreaming.
well besides that, there are things to be given up, juz like when i sign on the navy.
except there its alot longer and alot more.
imagine deployment of at least 6 months. =P
hahaz i;m sure my gal would miss me alot rite? hehe

enuff bout that.
few more weeks i;ll be off to bmt at changi naval traning base.
hopefully all my excitement isn;t for nothing =P

anyway all the best to everyone for ya exam,
all the best to peishan for her upcoming bike tp,
muz pass okie!
then when i book out come fetch me hehe

william

2009-02-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Long time no update, well lately there are alot of changes to my life.

first thing first,
i recieved my enlistment letter today, since i'm on navy sponsorship, i'm required to report for bmt straight after my school finish. its on the 12th of march 2009. need to prepare some documents, of which some i already lost them..

next would be i'm kinda disappointed with myself regarding my napfa result, although it wont make any difference regarding NS, since i;m on sponsorship, i cant cut my bmt anyway.
still, i tried my best and recieved a bronze, i shall not say that it was because of my body in bad condition on the day of the test as an excuse. not taking care of the body = to failuare to perform so its user fault. i got 5 points for my pull up, sit up, sit and reach, shuttle run. 2 points for my SBJ and 1 for my running. all in all, got a 23 point and a bronze award.
i did 11 for my pull up, 44 for my sit up, 59cm for my sit and reach, 9.6 sec for my shuttle run, 223cm for my SBJ and 13:19 for my 2.4(1 more sec and i fail). after training so hard i still screw up. kinda sian....

coming up next would be my exams,
although i finish most of my modules, as of now, i left with multi-layer switching network and Wireless Lan Technology. lab test and written for MSN which will end by next week and WLT written exam on the 25th feb. all in all i'm pretty confident. maybe juz stress regarding MSN labtest. wish me luck.

hmm some things to say be4 i end,

to my dear fren, well schools coming to an end, i wish you all the best for ya exams and project, and of coz in ur future to come. we shld catch up soon be4 i enlist.

to my bro who is serving his NS in SPF, my longest, cared for me the most and always being there for me brother. your as good as part of my family after so many years of thick and thin. all the best, take good care of urself, catch up soon alrite!

to my oldest fren, who probably wont read here anyway, =P all the best in ur university!

to the rest of my bros and f6, some i see almost everyday and some i dun see at all. all the ebst for ur exams catch up soon! CK I WAN PLAY ROCK BAND, ONE DAY ALL MEET UP UR PLACE!

last but not least to my peishan, minus away the dearest since ya dun like the word LOL =D
work hard but dun overwork, study hard and do well for ur exam! anyone in ur team bully u, i help u settle them HOHOHO! and of coz all the best to ur up coming TP, pass liao next time kao ni come fetch me when i book out liao LOL jkjk. so sad lah dun wan pei me for valentines day! but hahaz i shall forgive u! since its becoz of exam! hope to catch up with u soon =P we hardly see each other, but i guess that proves this r/s isn;t juz physical =)

i better catch some zzz tml going class for tips and swimming after that...

william

2009-01-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

the sudden urge to post.....

in a blink of an eye its February and very soon it'll be March... be4 that it will be the exams and lab test... after that will be enlistment followed by the stress and responsibility of working.
all in all i'll say although my 3 years in poly and my 19 years in life have not really been perfect, but i wouldn;t want it any other way. i've had the privilege of knowing some of the nicest, most amazing to the scumbags of the universe. i got the chance to live life in the high profile and suffer the feeling of the insignificant bottom. Cant say i'm liked by all but i;m neither hated. what have i achieved so far. i will leave that unanswered. or u answer it for me. why do i get the feeling like my life is coming to an imminent end? LOL hopefully not. i got a long way to go, goals to complete. greats things to be done.

enuff with that....

today i went for my defensive riding course. well some might say its a waste of money. but think of it this way... riding with the excuse that its cheaper than car... u already put a low price on ur own life... i little money spend to increase that chance of survivability in an unforseen accident, u call it waste then i guess ur life isn;t worth mentioning or remembering. i;ve seen some people even lowering it further looking for cheapo helmets. Please! riding is for rider who enjoy riding and not because of some lamo cheap excuses. for those who nv ride be4 think first be4 commenting... plus further more are u so that sure that cars are safer? a person can check the road clear on a zebra crossing in a raining day... cross the road and die... from wad u ask? the tree fell on him.... so walking isn;t that safe eh? now let me tell u most accident are cause by human error. people who never think be4 doing things that haf consequences. well u go think about it... i spend some extra time after the course talking to the instructor bout all these issue.

anyway... we learn the theory about road safty wad to expecct and lookout... plus practical.. where we learn about different riding posture... 2 out of 3, the 3rd one is not for normal road. thus not thought. tried and tested our skills in low speed stability, perception. and also braking. experiencing fish tail situation. and front brake emergency brake. its pretty cool. i also learned alot from the instructor when we talk after the course.

anyway went back to haf lunch with my dad, then home...

evening went to meet my dear fren, go watch a play at esplanade..well tell u the truth i didn't noe wad play it was but i juz agree to pei my dear fren go watch. i trust her opinion =) ask her and i;m sure she tell u the same. =P anyway i'm glad i didn;t miss it.. its really good although long. but casted by some famouse actors and actresses from oversea, talk about life and reality using an office politics enviroment, basically i find it touching, well played, really makes u think about some things in life. in english its call design for living. i tink. =P well done.. i always love a good play.. well tell u the truth i like alot of things. so much tat i cant give time for them.. i guess i;m weird....

to my dear fren.. really thank u for jioing me go watch hahaz, it was nice to meet up and catch up with ya, next time go aagin alrite =)
i guess i'll write till here,... actuclly i wanted to talk about more but i guess non of u here actuclly will noe wad i mean with exception to those few u noe who u are.. next time we shld go chill over nice cup of coffee and talk again like abck in my birthday almost a year ago ;)

william

2009-01-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

Happy CNY people!!...

good health and good wealth to all

haven update for a while...

well theres nothing much i guess..

lately aced my WLT labtest..
thats one down and many more to go...

next in the list would be my napfa test!
i got to do well.. or at minimum pass it.
i haf no problem with my pull ups, sit up, and sit and reach..
as for shattle run i dun really noe how well i will do. as i dun haf or haben train it at all..
as for standing board jump..
a person my weight.. and weak legs i cant jumps for nuts.. but i guess passing shld be alrite...
juz kinda regret pushing so hard last week with training that.. i fear i strained my hamstring..
lets hope it gets better..
my main problem will lie with 2.4 i haf been running alot lately.. but how well i'll do is a whole new thing... i really dun noe...

been putting on weight lately...
fuk man.. i;m indulging in food....
might be stress..
stress that i shldn't worry too much about...
well try to get it back in control and lose some for the test.

enuff with that..
today while i was preparing sotong,
one of them be4 i slice them.. i notice there are things in it..
i pull it out it was 2 whole fish..
buy 1 sotong free 2 fish hahaz..

hm,mm i'll write till here for now...

william

2009-01-18T08:26:00.002-08:00

wahhhhh super guilty.....

Napfa test coming in early feb,
i still overweight...
still weak...
and i allowed myself to overdose/indulge in food and drinks at my grandparent place today!
AARRRGGGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh

sianz..... when will i ever become lean... =(

exams are coming...

people work hard alrite!

william

2009-01-11T00:42:00.000-08:00

"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it." ~Author Unknown

lately i've been interested in reading books of wisdom from the knowledgeable ones be4 us, compile a list of their words, copy of their books although translated in english. For sure , one will always learn sumtin from them. juz like i did. while reading, ask urself question, understand wad they mean. sometimes you'll find that the things u used to do or believed aint exectly the right thing.

anyway lately, i dunno, juz been feeling very very neutrel. is like ur neither drown in sorrow or flooded with happiness... well i;m sure one day i'll know why things are like that. So many times we want things to work out the way we wanted them to be, even waited so long holding that bit of hope that it might one day juz tilt ur way. however, life has its way to toy with people, alot of times the things u want, u will nv get, the things ya wanna prevent it always happens.

sometimes i think i;m really having problems, i dream weird things, i haf sudden emotional changes, i will suddenly haf adrenaline rush and etc.... and when i say weird dreams i meant really weird ones... one that ordinary people dun haf. so far it has always been violent. its either the hunt or be hunted, or alone surrounded by death... the moment u noe ur a gonna ya wake up in cold sweat, "thank goodness its not real".

well scientifically it could be becoz of things i;m going thru? but i dunno.. even i myself is not sure. lately i get irritated by people, i wanna be left alone, i take silent walk... sometimes even looking at the people around me the people who care about me.. and even doubt them...

but all in all.. things are all under control. i manage to set things aside, do wad i need to do, treat others how i wan others to treat me.

well could it be becoz i doubt myself? well its hard to say... so far every time i pick up courage, grow confidence, it always go down in pieces. so words of advice, nv allow hopes to rise too high... you never noe when the surround thigns will tear it apart.

okie enuff bout those...

a little bit bout wad happen lately....
ytd went to vincents birthday chalet, with my poly click..
it was really really nice to see everyone.
i see everyone is well.. growing up hahaz...
realyl had fun around them..
we even visit OCH...
as in went all the way in to walk..
encounter some unexplained...
but all in all that place is pretty peaceful if ya ask me =)

stayed over that nite, and went back after breakfast this morning.
now i;m super tired...

oh be4 i forget...

CONGRATZ to peishan for passing pract 7, woohoo!!~ one more to go and u can go for TP le...
JIA YOU!! william support ya always... rememeber ride safe alrite.. hahaz hmmm now i kinda miss riding in sch le LOL with ya around.. i rmember last time ur fig 8 and crank course not very good.. the first few time even got hurt and falling down.. hahaz ya noe.. those time while i was waiting for my turn to go.. i was looking out for ya... and seeing ya ddrop bike and fell.. hmmm it juz smack me " omg! is she alrite!" but hahaz now see ya strong!! nothing can stand in ya way de!!... rememebr hurry get ya license.. i go get bike we go ride =D...

be4 i end..
juz a few wise quotes from some famous people that i tot i shld learn and remind myself.

The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile. ~Plato

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.

2009-01-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

super duper tired.. omg.. lack slp...

tml going naval base to do declaration.. sianz..
heng got my fren jas to drive! thx so much!!

hahaz... today lecture i barely can keep awake...
manage to survive thru..
then after sch stay behind with the guys do wisp..
i try my best to do as much as i can properly..
but i feel i wrote a chunk of junk LOL

went home....
went to my hong quan class..
finish most of my basic fist form..
advance fist form, dun bother starting.. its not my level..
and i dun wanna waste my time learning and doing like shit.. wads the point of doing a form for show... no standard no strength or stamina.... i'd say.. fuking waste of time... =P
plus i dun wanna hurt myself... dun see doing form like easy...
it takes proper breathing, sounding, steps, strength, proper form and move for each specific moves... if to u, learning martial art is to get a belt and learn a pattern and do them and end up WAHHH LUCKY MAN I PASS.. then i tell u... u will nv succeed.. nor cultivate urself or even use wad u learn at all...learning an art is not about fighting or showing off... i noe my fist can break bones.. thus i shall nv use it unless dire needs...well forget its not like any of u here can understand wad i;m saying.. spending time in basic boring stance, throwing fist at a bag everyday, perfecting everything that u learn... to succed in learning an art.. is to perfect that art..

now i'm learning the most unconventional weapon, the walking sticks. harmless it seems but useful it is... tell u the truth.. i dun evern bother taking test LOL i learn a form i practice the form everyday.. i learn another form.. i practice both... its passion and interest not level..

anyway... super tired now.. legs are shaking by themself...

hmmm nothing muc else to write about i guess...

ooo lately i;ve been compiling wise words in a text file.. i think its rather interesting and meaning full..

heres wad i got so far...

Great leaders inspire greatness in others.

Belief is not a matter of choice, but of conviction.

Easy is the path to wisdom for those not blinded by themself.

A plan is only as good as those who see it through.

The best confidence builder is experience.

Trust in your friends, and they'll have reason to trust in you.

You hold onto friends by keeping your heart a little softer than your head.

Heroes are made by the times.

Ignore your instincts at your peril.

Most powerful is he who controls his own power.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.

When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.

Who's the more foolish...the fool or the fool who follows him?

The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins--
But in the heart of its strength lies weakness:
One lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars.

There is no emotion; there is peace
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge
There is no passion; there is serenity
There is no death; there is the Force

Death is a natural part of life.
Rejoice for those around you who transform into teh Force.
Mourn them do not, miss them do not.

Learn To Let Go Of Everything You Fear To Lose

Trust your gut, follow your heart.

note the spaces are seperate different wise words..
and well to outsiders who seen this be4.. NO i did not come up with them... i juz jot them down read them.. i find them meaningful. i respect whoeevr who understand and created them..

william

2009-01-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

first day of school after 3 weeks of long holiday, slumber and laziness..
tiring the day has been...
forgetful i am getting...
talking weird i will for the next few moment...

its certain great to see the guys again... as in my classmate and all...
did a few lab.. surprisingly.. i manage to recap or pick up the lost track that i left behind be4 the holiday...

found out my WLT result i haf today...
bad the result was not, but better it could haf been...
work hard i muz...

stayed behind to work on wisp...
put the rite person for the right job one muz...
help understand and lend my hand to deal with the research..
however i have not begin...

also...
my school open a new canteen.. fully aircon...
and omfg.. its as big as a convention centre...
zzz NP.. when ask to spend money stingy they become..
when they wan to spend money.. nv hold back they will...
but wad the heck.. the foods good...
=D
overdosed of eating today hahaz...

anyway.. my surprise.. i met an old fren.. one that kinda sometimes i feel guilty regarding the place he ended up with.. but it aint fully us... its up to him to work hard too...

his family franchise their outlet there as well hahz and his full time..
been dismissed from the sch he had...
i guess thats wad ya get for failing too much.. but i really hope thats wad he wanted..
least his got a future ahead.. do u? i ask myself....

on my way home... i almost forgot i meeting the guys.. as in my old sec sch frens...
for dinner.. thx to felix, he called me juz in time.. hahaz
glad i made my way down.. met alot of old frens today..
some grew big and strong.. some grow wide...
catch up alot.. and most got their license...
wee me too my bike license...
if i took car i could be driving my dad car liao hahaz.. but heng...
CK learn to drive properly leh.. omg road hazard LOL

lucky no damage.. else GG

overheard a news regarding my old fren, my da jie karen...
the one who used to protect me from ben during art class..
omg i really miss those innocent days...
heard that shes married?! omg!! sad nv tell ya didi...=(
but hahaz congratz.. may ya live happily ever after!!! find time hang out too!!
went over her blog.. paiseh haben update her links...
well i noe its been ages since i last contacted her.. so cant blame her if i;m forgotten hahaz..
saw a few post.. OMG jie ya drawing now so zai le!!
i'm so envy!!!
i remember last time ya used to be the one who complaint alot when come to drawing LOL
we used to worry if ya can cope when u went nafa..
but seeing the pictures ya draw there.. i;m amaze =) muz teach me to draw like that!!!

hahaz...

time really flies...
years after years...
days after days...
wait for no one time will...

from the innocent mind teenager and kids with common goal to each of us going the path we choose to walk..
good or bad only time will tell...
soon everyone will be so rooted into their own path that the past is all but dust..
well it might be a good thing.. some things are better left in the dark..
looking at the things now.. i wonder wad my future hold...
honestly i dun hold great hopes for it...
hahaz.. but oh well we'll see i guess...

honestly i dun mind going thru the past again..
those fond memories...
dreaded errors that i made.. and learnt from...
the frens i made along the way and lost with time...

hahaz...

please take good care of yaself to everyone that i got to know of in my life so far!!
love all of u lots..

tml i shall rush my wisp.. once that is settle i shall start compiling my things for the labs...

reminder wed to meet jas in the morning at tenah merah.. going to naval base...

and well if ya reading.. i think if ya continue to read u shld noe who u are...
congratz on winning a few n the captain balls games hahaz...
rest well today.. know that ya in my tots, care and concern =)
sweet dreams...

oh and to my dear fren..
i;m so sry waking ya juz now.. didn;t mean too...
that idiot ck lah.. wan play pool ask me call ya ask if its open..
then i also another stoopid idiot...
nv see watch juz call...
paiseh...
and also.. haben meet ya up a long time le..
i feel bad.. like neglect ya liddat...
noe that ya and jf are in my tots as well =)
please take good care alrite..
from now on.. as time pass.. i guess i'll become harder to meet le..
busy busy...
soon into the navy...
but please dun forget me...
as i wont... we'll still catch up for a drink one day =D and this time i think ima lose to ya le with all ya training back in china!! XD

anyway i;ma go sleep le...
good nitez..

william

2009-01-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

hey peeps...

super long no update.. i tot i'd update abit since the end of 2008 and the dawn of 2009

well things is... cant say improving neither is it getting worst...
on the most part.. its doing quite well
achieve a couple of things be4 the end of 08
such as getting my bike license...

honestly there are alot of things i wanna say.. but i juz dun noe how to put into words...

well forget it..

no point too...

somethings are juz better left unsaid...

its less trouble too...

happy new year!!

all the best...

2008-10-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

juz reach home a while ago. wahh this week is burn mola till pocket really light.
oh well..
after school went to meet derrick and javier at queensway, then later go meet my polymates at central. as usual, meet at 8 dun be punctual, i was there at 8.03pm waited till almost 9. but aiya used to it le.
eat bak guk teh, at a place although food is not bad i juz kinda dun like that location hahahaz i got my reason.

next we went to drink abit, well it was while waiting for mind cafe slot. weird thing is... i didn;t noe cosmopolitan was pink in color. =P wake had a barcadi151 shot. pro!

went to play board game, played fish eat fish then later play ticket for rides or sumtin... really interesting game. enjoyed myself but end up reaching home ijn the morning...

die later got bike road revision and practical 8. i muz be crazy. no confident for pract 8(evaluation) i still liddat hahahaz wish me all the best tml please! =) i pray for the best.

ytd the most amazing thing happen, a fren of mine who once told me a list of things he wont get or do which in time when he met up with something that happen to everyone in life he changed. well it was for the better. he even had the courage to go sing with us =) good job! glad u enjoyed urself i sure did!

anyway if ur reading i juz wanna say, well shit happens to everyone. u learn to cope with it fast thats a good thing but dun let it run ur head or u'll be doing some really shitty things without even noeing or meaning it. i been thru some shit myself, although yes i wish things was different, but it cant be changed, so wad can we do.. aka LAN LAN... well =) juz haf to put it aside and try not to let it affect u and do other things bah, like say make more frens? get to noe ur frens more. or simply slowly let it die down. although yes its almost say hard to let it be. but it got to be done =)
i can do it so can u.
at times i really feel shitty, ask all the why and what if. but thats juz me mood swinging bah. hope u are well. i will try to always remind myself that sometimes things aint wad i think it is or will be .

i got to go, will write more soon.

william.

2008-10-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

2nd week of the new and last or final semester before shipping off to a life of uniform, water and ship, not to mention the discipline and increased emphasis on the chain of command etc... well might be a good thing might not. god noes =P

anyway, its been a while. lately been doing nothing much of interest, beside all the working out, except the last few days. hmmm think i strain my right biceps again.. GREAT... haiz.. sianz hahaha..

ooo also here some new addition to the things i always bring around with me everywhere i go. =D
something that burn a hole in my pocket. but i'd say its a worthy investment. once u get poison by it u'll wan more!!! its juz a simple earpiece thats 499 SGD, yes it cost a bomb.. but be4 u say a thing, juz pop it in ur ears and u'll change ur mind. its more than fantastic. throw all ur sony, panasonic and most of even ur creative into the bin. try closing ur eyes and juz listen. be4 u start playing anything, the sound of peace and quiet, isolation from the outside. hit the play button, depend on the genre u playing, imagine the crystal clear sound so clear and specific that one sound and u can tell wad is the person playing, no more jumble up rock music that sound like noise. imagine hearing a guitar sound so crisp that u tot u heard the person strum and it sounds like his around u.
without further a do, heres my newest prize possession, the Ultimate Ears TripleFi 10 pro.
its a triple driver earpiece that is top of its range (not comparing with their customFi)
well customFi is out of my league. imagine 1150USD for a earpiece. =D well again be4 u say a word hear it first then talk. i wouldn;t wanna hear, and get poison by it muhahaha..

specis wise for my earpiece check out their website. heres some pics from their web.
UE TripleFi 10 Pro with Case

Close up =)

hahz while uploading the pictures i came across some old photos of fond memories =)
really miss those days when we were considered innocent and naive. at that time we nv tot of anything but the coming holidays and such hahaha... the the blessing of being a kid
as we grow, we learn and the more we noe the more we face reality and the more burden is carried on our shoulders. i guess the more freedom we get the more responsibility we carry.

somethings cant be changed no matter how we wan it to be....

juz haf to accept that fact.

life aint fair.

watcha gonna do bout it?

hmmm looking for companion to work play train tgt hahaha. anyone interested? LOL
kinda sounds like advertising myself =P remember send in ur application form with photo, and other information =P juz kidding.

william

2008-10-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

the good thing about not updating is that soon enuff people will think this place is dead and well come here less often thus i can put more of my own tots rather than worrying others miintepreting them.

anyway its really late now and i got sch tml.
the last day of my long holiday was spent pretty well with my polys pals =)
celebrate my bdae although belated.

anyway this year. birthday wise, its slightly different than the usual.
normally it would juz be another day or another crappy day. but this year, i recieved the weirdest wishes, and for some reason i seem to wait alot for alot of people. plus my poly mates celebrated for me. =)

well some things of interest, nor forgot even though i hint him juz for fun, zw wish me happy birthday and may i slim down or sumtin around that. my sis bought me 3 canes of tuna with ribbons on them as cakes. i waited for hours for some of my frens, hahaz dun worry, i;m not mad or wad. and its not juz u =)

on the day of my birthday my dear fren and her bf had a pretty nice dinner with me at brewrks
but sadly the steak was disappointing, but not the salad. we also tried the fruity flavoured beer.
after that we head down to a place of old memories for me. eski bar. hahaz the people there cant forget me, i cant never forget them.(blame it on doing the most ridiculous things there and worst, for the first time in mankind history, hitting a car, not the other way around, and got my own face bloodied followed by being drag around in a rubbish chute.
hahaz those were the days.

then ytd sat to be exect, went out to celebrate with my bros from sec sch. well starting i waited pretty long for javier but oh well, next we waited for ben who walk from the mrt station to cine took almost 40 min, we got my bro arif and his gf, ben and his gf, me and derrick and javier. had dinner at hong kong cafe, had my membership there got a free bottle of wine, and talking bout that, my bro got me baileys! =) thx man!
next we went to watch eagle eye, pretty exciting show =) worth watching.
then we ehad home after.

the next day,... btw i didn;t slp. i went off to meet my poly mates,
met rh, around 11.30, surprisingly no one was around beside him.
wad happen to 10-11 LOL opps forgot to add the "try not to be punctual hahaz"
anyway we rotted a whole 4 hours hahaz finally got to sentosa and the gals arrive.
we had alot of fun in the sea, showered and head for dinner at marche.
dinner was great and the surprise that was installed for me and zw was even greater, i nv felt so celebrated all my life. and we got prezzy!! my very first mp3 player =D thx people! loves ya all lots.

me and zw decided to give everyone a treat and was met with a brutal opposition from the gals LOL
but oh well in the end we got the upper hand i took the money, and got zw to bank back to liying hahaz.

anyway i really enjoyed myself =D lets hang out again soon alrite!

tml is first day of sch after a long time.
i look forward!

today i shall set aside all my other emotional feelings and leave it as it is. happy and touched.

take care people.

2008-10-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

i moved on......

life is indeed really short really fast. Before u know it, u are graduating, u are working, serving time, dieing. one can only look back the past and laugh,cry,anger the times that we had in our life.
i for one hold onto my past very deep very tight. cherish the time, regret the mistakes and missing the people. but one muz always look forward too. i think its a matter of wad u learn at the end of ur journey.

anyway alittle thing about today be4 i back track.
at the moment i suddenly feel that i let go and moved on. the flash back of certain offending conversation with some people, the inner tots of the people around me, hear the feelings that going thru my dear fren. i suddenly saw myself. the things i did, i said, i felt. but there is a difference now. now i see myself from the outside. not feeling anything. haf i truely moved on? hahaz i hope i did =D

well yea yea i do feel alone sometimes, empty.. but then least certain things are gone.
plus some recent events made me realise even more that tiem is moving and not waiting.

tuesday i touch down singapore at 4 am. left house again early morning.
went down to changi naval base, to submit my results. met some of my navy frens, next we went down to cmpb for a dialouge session. there i ehar the same old story.. and some good news and bad. good news more money. bad news. my enlistment date is so soon. and also failing ippt more than once will deduct pay. oh well.. all the more i shld do better.

well as for taiwan trip. there are way too many things i wanna say le. especially about singaporean and their people.. we shld really learn some things from them.!

anyway to my dear friend. please dun drink so much okie. do take good care of urself. letting urself like that is so not like u, kinda makes me worry. life gets rough sometimes, but u'v pull thru so much already, dun give up now. u noe ya always got me looking out for ya rite =)

sometimes even when one moved on, he is meet with more obsticle. finally falling for another, but that another is still stuck with the past. juz like he once was. the whole cycle juz keeps going, there will always be a heartbreaker, a victim and someone who wan to be the better man or woman. love can bring about great change, but it also sometimes bring about great pain. its a wonderful thing but it is also a blind cruel thing. there are alot of way to perceive it. i look forward to it with utmost hope =) please dun let me down. to those around me. dun give up alrite. u might feel miserable, lost, but there will always be a path to walk, there is no such thing call no place left to go. u will always haf someone who thinks about u, cares about u. loves u and care for u. juz haf to open up to them. for they are yearning for u to open up to them. sometimes life gets pretty unexpected.
well thats all i wanna say for now =)

peace out

2008-09-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

its 16 of sept
2pm...
i just woke up.
well actuclly i woke up a while ago, but i juz cant move.
felt as if my body juz broke down.

ytd, suppose to go for my practical 8 for my bike.
my last practical be4 i can go try for my license.
but i guess i was rather not confident about it.
i didn't go, but glad i didn't
went swimming with jason and wake in the late afternoon,
went for ninjado training in the evening.
felt more like a gathering.
all my former seniors came back to see each other. all the botaks
=P
training was great. work up alot of sweat.
and during the sparring. i felt i was on form.
everything juz flow in place.
though i cant kick fast, manage to dodge/block most attacks that came my way
and kept going in for the strike.
juz kept pushing myself.
well i juz glad my training did pay off.
everything in the world can betray u, but effort and training never will.

but lol now my whole body feels like tearing apart.
so stiff...

weeee also.. i got an A for my IAP.
GPA 4 points.
nice!!

well i shall juz address all this and leave everything else out =D
logging

2008-09-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

hmmm after so many post and delete...
i'll try to be positive today....

FUK.... opps...
hmmm juz applied a medicine... and weird the reaction i;m getting... i feel like my body is freezing up.... wonder did it expired? oh well...

in a blink of an eye its september...
olympics over...
exam result coming,
frens going NS, graduating soon...

life doesn;t wait for no one....

oh well i've lost my way in life...
juz walking where i tot i saw light..
lol i;m talking rubbish...

well haben really been at anything lately...
juz rotting and rotting...
weee my bike pract 8 liao... gonna try pass rpact 8 on monday(damn nervous can!...)
if i fail... then i'll wait till oct then try again =P
pract 8 the sch test the circuit and the road... hope the bike dun screw me...
weird.. i;m more worried bout circuit then road...
nvm i will pass!

pass pract 5 in 1 shot.. i shall do it again...
16 demerit point i will aim for less than 10..

hmmm other archivements?
well finish my basic form in 洪拳 also known as 洪家拳 well its a southern Chinese martial art associated with the Chinese folk hero Wong Fei Hung, who was a master of Hung Ga. (lazy type so copy from wiki..)
as for the history of it... well jzu wiki it lah...
shoalin kung fu or wushu... i mean the traditional one... no modern fancy performance things for me..
north and south...
northerner are tentatively taller (or so they say) and excel with kicks compared to southerner who they say are usually shorter thus they prefer to use fist.. most people say people who practice southern shaolin kung fu are bulkier but u be the judge to that... juz dun come whine and complaint to me wad right and wrong... i not interested in wad u wanna say...tell u the truth unless ur credible all that u say is bullocks .
enough with history and all that.. u go found out urself.. keep ur comments to urself.. i dun give a shit..

finish learning the basic form...
well the basic form is not from traditional curriculum more like as it pass down and over the world.. things are added to suit the situation... but hell its a damn good work out...
after weeks of practicing final i'm allowed to learn new forms..

now learning虎鶴雙形拳. u wanna noe go wiki it also...
well i only juz started learning this form thus not 100% sure its that...
but if it is.. i;m curious...
traditionally be4 ya learn that form.. ya shld learned 工字伏虎拳 first...
nvm lah... =D
hmm okok enuff of all that i'm sure ur bored to death....

well other things upcoming are wenqi's birthday.
tell u the truth i used to always mix up her birthday with my ex... even though its quite far apart..
well i guess i got a reason for that.. hahahz but nvm...

Happy birthday ya! may ya be happy always,....and nothing bad ever happen to ya =)

hmm i think i'll cut short wadever i wanna write...abit sleepy..
anyway...
i'm beginnign to wonder some things i came across..
whether it be true?
seems like it...
till i overcome myself..
i think my life will be juz like that...
but oh well like it matter to the world...or anyone...

take good care of urself people =) i'll rememebr ya all... always.. even if not at the moment... i mean it...
i'll go lay back and listen some music be4 i knock out.. good nitez..

2008-08-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

haiz.. another fucked up day,...
well good news... i passed practical 6 of my bike lesson...
2 more lesson to go,
to a live life fast and dangerous, gonna end it soon life
or juz another thing in my life...zz wtf am i saying...

woke up today to nothing..,no one...
rotted my day away...
went for bike lesson...
passed it came back..
tot of calling my family members... ask if they eaten, maybe i can pack somethings if they cook at home.. or pei them eat if out.. called house only my sis (3rd) at home...
called my elder sis... no answer zzz... call my dad... no answer...
as usual lah.. i;m not gonna ^&*(ing waste my time calling and asking them to on their phone...
if they wanna sign a line and waste it away by offing it.. so be it,.. i dun care...
well seems like no one bothers bout me anymore...
is that wad i wanted? wad i been trying to get all my life?
well if so.. why do i feel so different now?
no one rememebers me...or even think about me...
theres no longer wad i wan, wad i need...
yea sure.. wad i need i supply my self selling my life away...
that dun fuking mean that only rememebr me when u need me...
alot of people in my life are liked that...
i really hate that..
why cant i haf people who actuclly thinks about me or i dunno be there for me'?
i noe that sounds very unindependent like..
but it sure makes me feel a little better?
sometimes i think bout people... but seems like no one actuclly do the same for me?
who actuclly concern wad i feel wad i been thru and all that...
well i can tell u no one... no one at all...
well looking at a positive side... its i cant expect them to...
everyone haf their own life...
but if i;m juz being negative...
its... why so unfair... why can some people i see haf all these while i dun....
does growing up means.. putting everyone and everything away...
career, money, Dog eat Dog world...?
fuk i dun see a place for me here..
i really ahte this place...this world... everything i see... the news i hear...
its all assholes after assholes...shit after shit.. and who suffer the people who lives in it...
its like we'r all tie to this shit hole.. from the beginning..
from kids shielded from all the shit...
as we grow we get so used to it that we dun bother with it no more juz become part of it...
haiz.. i;m juz talking shit here....
it dun make sense...

fuk... yea i look like i;m full of activity...
full of people around me...
but is that all real....
its still abck to the if ur beneficial ur a fren else they wont rememebr u for anything at all...
they only do when u finally says hi to them...
well fuk this world... no matter how i hate being alone...
i still think its the safest most comfy place... i will ever be...

this is juz a pile of crap wall of text..
u juz wasted ur time reading...
doubt that anyone will read which is good.. for i can jzu write wad i feel.. without considering anything....
haiz... sometimes i wonder why....
why this why that... am i that bad?
or is it my personality?
well if anyone detest me... well least ya can do is tell me why....
and well so be it... i wont say i will change... well i dun even noe myself how am i supopose to change?

zz man i;m really talking crap here...

logging...
well if anyone do happen to read this...
well put no heart...
its juz random ranting... senseless ranting...

2008-08-24T04:37:00.000-07:00

haiz.. been ages since i last post...
well kinda not in a goo mood so gonna rant abit...
honestly speaking this world is hopeless, pathetic, cruel, theres nothing good about it..
even though i noe that may or may not be true..
but alot of time it is juz that...

at the moment, juz feeling angry, sad, disappointed with someone...
someone whom i cant juz throw behind, cant juz abandon, someone i see everyday for the past 19 years..
haiz.. nvm i dun think i wanna write it here....fuk its juz the things that gonna stay with me for the rest of my life and i cant deny that...
sometimes i really hate this world...
feels so comfortable alone.. but so lonely...
dear fren came back, kinda misses her..
wonder hows she doing.. well i noe i haben been smsing ya lately,
but hey ur still my dear fren alrite =) juz been feeling alone.. u noe feeling really comfortable alone... i dunno feeling better? haben really been thinking much although once in a long while still the same...
well i noe ya been working lately, dun overwork yaself okie =)
rememebr when theres anything i;m always here for ya k =)
hope ya read this, really dun wan ya to feel that there are distance among us or any of that..
well ya can always msg me ya =D hmmm well will try to msg ya the next time i see ya okie =D

well hoenstly i dunno to consider my life as miserable now or better...
kinda being a loner..
haiz.. nvm.. juz l;eave it all be... soon lifes gonna change again...
god noes where it head..

logging

2008-07-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

hihi...

update again...

well today woke up weather quite cold...
so dun catch a cold ya u people =P

had a half a pack of milk for breakfast...
the other half for snack..
almonds for lunch with water...
zzz kinda sian....

anyway.. was reading sch email...
holy crap..
presentation i'm the last person on my panel...
zzz 4pm.. the only one at 4 pm...
crap...
looks like by this week or next i need to get an adaptor for my laptop
oh well i'll need to do some stunt to get the lecturers attention especially when i'm the last person..
sianz....

i also saw another mail asking me to provide name and contact number and student number..
the sch is forming a parade contingent for national day celebration zzz
well half of me wans to go half doesn't wan becoz its been so long...
tht kinda brings back some good memories and sad ones too hahaz
regreted not continueing..
hahaz
nvm...
while surfing the net came across a RSAF website dedicated to singapore rapier, 165 SADA.
hahaz to my surprise i saw my dad picture in them.. hahaz...
well he was quite fat then.. 100 over kilo..
hahaz now 70 over..
wow
=P if he can drop his weight so can i hahaha

hmm haiz.. shit always happen...
sianz...
sometimes juz get so sick of things..

logging william

2008-07-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

seems like alot of people wans me to update =P
hahaz i'm honored..

actuclly i did update but then decided not to post them in the end...

well a little bit about lately...
honestly physically i;m doing pretty well...
currently working out really hard.. i wanna lose more weight...
well strength wise been gaining pretty constantly...
cardio wise and lower body strnegth is still lacking
been hanging out with frens and all...
trying to be on the positive side =)..

mood wise, been rather okie i guess...
some times do blow up all of the sudden...

although i still feel something missing...
like i'm lacking sumtin..
abit purposeless feeling..
and kinda feeling introvert..
like i dun really wanna talk to anyone kinda feeling.. or the no one really bothers feeling so why shld i bother kinda feeling...
well nothing wrong being quiet...
i juz wanna do well in the things i do...
and leave the rest...
i do however still care bout the people close to me...
i worry bout them... even though i noe they are old enuff to look after themself...
its like i really dun wan any bad things to happen to them...
maybe i;m beginning to be paranoid...
=P its somewhat disappoint when ya found out that people ya care about dun even bother bout ya... bout the things ya both been thru...
am i the only one who actuclly treasure the past? hmm well i guess i cant jump to that conclusion...juz becoz afew people...

talking bout frens... lately been worried bout a fren of mine...
constant headache and all...
well get well soon and take care alrite...
shes a really nice person and i wont wan any bad things to happen to her...
wont wan another repeat of wad happen back in year 1..where a happy cheerful person turn into someone who really sad and all that...
hahaz well i noe shes old enuff to look after herself... but still i worry hahaz...

besides that.. some others also sometimes disappoint and upsets me...
oh well... honestly i dunc are anymore.. ya all can think wadever u wan of me...
like as if u noe me... but honestly 3/4 of ya dun even noe me...
i would say only a handful who noes a little more about me...
i mean like even i dun noe myself....
zzz *calms down*

to my dear fren... sry haben contact ya lately..
hope u are well... i noe a few more weeks u'l be back in sg... i cant wait hahaz...

hmmm some change i notice in myself...
i cut down alot of alcahol, i eat more healthly.. work out more often...
i'm abit too tired to care about alot of things around me...
funny how things can still get to me when i dun even care anymore...
i guess i'm a magnet for crap in life hahaz...

that reminds me today.. this idiot at harbour front really spoiled my mood.. early morning..

i was at cheers.. he queue behind... getitng annoyed and all that pushing me and keep commenting the cashier so slow...
kaoz! if ur so fast go do it urself idiot!! pushing and getting annoyed wont get u anywhere...
i juz stared down at this pityful middle age man whos size looks rather puny...
dun play punk when u urself noe u cant handle it...
he stared at me... i juz said nothing...
honestly i think everyone is annoyed of him..
i pity him... growing so old le still liddat.. childish... brainless and pathetic..
well i comment these becoz i'm prejudice against him? i dun like him... case close...
when i take bus also liddat.. push push...
haiz sg people no wonder cant stand out from the rest of the world...
coz they really sometime too petty in the head...
nvm.. talking further juz spoils my mood further...

i asked myself wad is my puspose in life..
wad do i wanna do..
honestly the things i wanted nv came true...
the things i didn;t expect always happen...
well i think even though at the age of 18 i look at like as an 80 year old marathorn or shorter..
i'm born into this world destined to die..
i ask myself wad can i do out of this stretch of life..
and i cant think of anything...
i used to want to become successful and haf a really loving wife and kids... and all that..
but wad is being successful? it varies with different people...
loving wife.. hmmm well at age 19 i had one terrible r/s and single all the way...
kinda makes me doubt if thats ever gonna happen.. but who noes...
kids.. i love kids... but thats way int he future...
well i think at the moment.. i juz wan to be the best i can be in everything...
or simply put my impossible goal is to be perfect...
in all aspect...

hmm i think i'll end here...
its long enuff for an update after so long...

logging..
william...

2008-07-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

hey all,

back to update a little bit since i;m kinda free at the moment...
well at the moment, feeling abit weird, resume taking the supplement i used to take last time after a long break in between.
and well initial feelings were, heartrate increase and stuff.. pretty normal..
i did however intend to increase the dosage from 2 a day to 4 a day..
still below the direction given, and way below the amount that will kill ya..
and NO i;m not taking steroids..
well other than that been trying to improve my physique, kinda demoralising to see no result...
the scale dun move...
and lately a few update on my personal side,
i kinda left my cca partly due to my attachment, and partly other reasons.
been doing my own training. i wonder how much i can excel.
been wanting to pick up other martial art but haben really picked up any.. cant find one that meets my personal requirement.
well i noe i noe fighting is not good and all..
but its my interest my passion..
i dun fight outside at all, but i enjoy learning them..
training hard for them..

2008-06-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

good morning..

its a pretty good morning today,
good weather to be sleeping,
sadly i;m at work working =P
sianzzz....

2008-06-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

monday blues.....

moods pretty bad... hmm nah i would say down bah... juz blue...
feeling relaxed after showering, listening to some really soothing music that i didn't noe exist in my playlist.

sometimes being alone, shut up and juz sitting there as time fly by feels kinda good..
though it gets lonely sometimes and even boring..
but least it beats trying to find some company but then not noeing wad to say...
wishing for company but dun really haf any..
well sometimes juz having someone around ya juz makes ya feel a little better be it ur mood..
well i;m juz feeling sian probably..
sometimes ya feel like u got things to tell people but u juz dunno how to begin...
or worst ya dun even noe wad is it..
zzz
hahaha

well i guess its juz a need to socialize without people trying to overpower u with their vast knowledge be it they haf it or not.
i rememebr i used to talk to myself here in my own blog..
but kinda stop doing that...
partly coz maybe i try to venture out of this little world?
or that its no longer me around here...

well i noe my dear fren would probably be reading this..
well know this, i haben forgotten u at all =P
think bout ya at least once everyday.
hahaz feel bad not callin ya.
well hoenstly alot of time i really wanted to..
theres like juz things i wanna talk to u about..
be it pointless things or important things..
or juz plain sitting there and hearing ya talk bout ur life there..
hmmm let me noe when i could call ya and well talk =)
i got like 10 dollar more in the card to use LOL so no worries no limits
take care of urself alrite..

soon it'll be attachment end...
looking forward to it..
kinda not looking forward also lol
mix feeling bahc...

i'm tired..
i think i'll log here...
william
wonder am i in the tots of the people whom i think about daily... all the people and frens around me..hmmmm (better dun think too much)

2008-06-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

i'm bored zzzz well for a change i dun think i'll be ranting much today...

hmm maybe i'll talk about wad i'm thinking of getting when my pay checks in...
=P

for a start i think i'll get a new sneakers, my low cut converse is tearing apart.
then maybe another leather shoe, mines is also tearing apart,

2008-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

So much in the head,
So little written out.
Doubt i ever will write them out truely
Or i would one day.
when things are really too much to handle.
So wad if i do?
doesn't really change much of anything at all.

if ur wondering.. i'm physically okie..
nothing is wrong and no i;m not sucidal.. or wad....
maybe juz feelin crappy?
why?
well i dun noe myself...
maybe u tell me..

enuff with that..
1 more montha and 1 week to go be4 my attachment ends...
i'll probably go for my poract 5 evaluation this coming sat...
zzz
i;m tired..

i think i'll go off for now

take care my fren..
missed ya alot..
waiting for ya return.
apologise for the lack of contact lately..

william

2008-06-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

haiz.. tired... lol

hmm habe update in a long while..
anyway same thing.. busy with work and all...
soon soon..
1 months 1 week plus to go.

=P zzz feel darn sleepy...

anyway to my dear fren..
so sry haben call ya in a while..
alot of time i wanted call, but looking at the time seem in appropiate..
hmm hope u are doing well..
hmm u work afternoon or morning? =)

take care ya..

a few update on myself..
pass pract 4 going pract 5 but need work on my plank first other parts no problem le =P
hmmm wad else?
nothing much.. brain dead.. too tired to think

thats all folks..
william

2008-06-18T10:37:00.001-07:00

update again,

today moods not really that good...
its starting to worsen again...
everything seems to agitate me...alot...
work wise, i juzrush my work bahx, finish wad people do in days in matter of hours
its partly to occupy myself...
hmm not sure where the source of all this problems...
maybe its some things bahx...think too much nvm

anyway ytd, did a surprise call to my dear fren
hahaz was really nice to hear her voice again..
really wish she was here some time... shes one of the people i noe and feel that she honestly really cares about me.. cares about the frens and all =)
a really worthy fren to noe..
glad to noe shes fine =) better take care of urself there okie, not aroudn tow atch ur back =)
getting really tired lately.. dun woryy i'll make sure i'm alive and kicking =)

oh well i also dunnow ad to write le..
oh juz now went to meet my sec sch fren de group
its so nice to see all of them again, talk and all..
we had our bad times and good times...

hope we hang out more often be4 enlistment.. during enlistment and after =)

logging william

2008-06-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

well haben been conssitently updateing...
oh well..

kinda feel like writing sumtin now.
anyway.. kinda notice somethings in my life,
ya noe they say... if sumtin happen in ur life, and u didn;t overcome it, ya just duck and cover and get over it,
it'll come back to u again and again till its overcomed...
i kinda believe that now..
especially when i keep seeing the same type of scenario happening over and over again..
as to wad scenario i shall not say....

anyway i little update on work...
well deal with SGH le, now being put back to ACSI again...
this time i;m touching the WCS..
oh well after this week, i guess i completed one entire cycle of wireless implementation le...
from site surveying(boring thing), to configuring to troubleshooting to management..
well as to wad and how the projects are dealed i shall not mention...

tml i;pm going anglo chinese to deal with the WCS server, to draw the map for it...
and well suddenly a problem came to me today..
zzz i'm suppose to put the AP to the map.. but how i noe which room is which?
CRAP!!

hahaz damn tired...
yytd, today all spend at CDC spend with my fren pei shan..
well went for lesson 1 and 2 ytd, BORING!!!!
then went for pract 4 today.. and although i totally screw up my plank and shalom.. i still passed, thanks to me last week doing well for my plank and shalom..
i think is the instructor bah.. [pressure..
wads the use of " FASTER!!!, OI u pass liao i wan see better performance next round" and juz stand there do nothing...
haiz .. prefer some other instructor bahx.. i think pei shan also agree hahaha

then after then me went my my thoery lesson 3 and 4... or was it 1 and 2 ... oh nvm...
met derek along the way.. and was stunt to hear some things he say...
well kinda stunt to hear it..
oh weel see how it goes bahx, as long as he dun become some maniac and post a threat to my fren its fine...
well its okie to like someone ya noe recently but to go to the extreme of jumping to the idea of going into a r/s even without noeing each other more?
is somewad desperate...
oh well told her about it... and she say not her type .. not interested =P
sry derek hahz..

HAIZ... sian argghhh... no more slot for RTT as of now...
dunno when is the earliest i can get...
shit lah liddat i;ll stuck at lesson 5 for ages liao months ...
sian diao..
after my attachment i'm gonna mass car and bike tgt and get them be4 i graduate...
i haf to...
zzz

well i think i better get some slp not in the best of health, or the best of mood...
feel somewad insignificant lately... amongst people...
hopefully.. i pray tml work goes well...
everything will work out de....

well still got somethings i wanna say but i guess i;m really tired...
another time bahx...

miss my fear fren...
actuclly miss alot of things bahx...
things got a little better when i stop caring...
but things got a little more alone too...

logging
william

2008-06-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

arrrggghhhh... been lazy not working out as much zzz feel like i;m getting fat omg how...
cannot cannot!!!
muz do sumtin about it...
time time!! no time!!!

nvm nvm... adjustment to my life...
NO MORE SWEET DRINKS!!! ARRGGGHHHHHH aim for plain water only!!!
err eat according to how much i need and juz intake 50% of wad is required to maintain my weight...
run run run!!!!!
hmm maybe i shld force myself to swim int he weekend as well...
lol

zzz

enuf bout that..

anyway lately been working working and working..
been attached at SGH for the time being to solve some things..
solve 98% of it le tml hopefully can do all..
so cool lah get to try on those surgical gown and go into OT(operating theatre)
well NOOO i'm not learning to be doctor...
hahaz
kinda troublesome though...

seen alot and learn alot from my attachment...
but i shall work hard and aim for better result coming end of attachment hahaz

to my dear fren..
so sry haben called ya in a logn while...
works really been busy.. had OT 2 times in a row le.. i mean overtime
zz well i'll call ya soon alrite
take good care of urself

hahaz looking for ward to this weekend lesson, hahaz finally my khakis can make it for lesson le and same pract as me!!! congrats... i knew she could do it hahaz

zzz kinda tired.. i shall save all the whining and log off bahx..

logging
william

2008-06-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

hey hey.....

back to update again,
lets see haben really been doing much lately,
work work work,
been stuck at SGH, and well seem like i;m hanging on quite okie there,
today kinda stayed home, alittle not well..

hmm yesterday knock really early hahaha shuuu dun tell my boss,
went queenstown library meet a fren, read book watch movie and all till evening meet up with another fren, we chill talk and play cards, had some drinks, basically wad we ususlly call chillin..
till nite time then went back..

the day be4 also went chill =P around orchard
then had coffee =)

hmmm well i guess thats most of it bahx..

well hmmm somethings to whine about be4 i forget...
AARRRGGGHHHH>>>>......
i need to start running... been telling myself but darn lazy...
zzz how how, anyone wanna join me motivate me?
hahaha
muz psycho myself c'mon its juz 5 miles a day... how hard can it be rite...
zzz but ahben been doing at all...
god i muz also muz cut my intake zzz
cannot let myself grow fat...
=P

i feel darn fat haha

muz work out lose weight.. =P
get nice nice bod haha

oh well... hmmmm kinda tired i think i go slp le..

logging
william

2008-06-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

another weeks pass.. and its monday again...
pretty boring.. sill stuck at sgh..
solve alot of the things le, but one of the accesspoint gave me a real headache zz
i hate to leave things unfinished but i guess i had no choice zz
oh well continue tml.

after work went to sch for some extra training with some frens..
pretty fun i guess.. haben train with them for a long while..
this month i shall start my running regime.. zz seriously.. 5 miles a day...
i'm growing fat zzz

well hoenstly things been improving but at the same time kinda screwing up too...
bleeding all over the place... haiz.. hopefully none of it is anything serious
plus i doubt so too..
i;m still alife =)
lately been quite all to myself..
didn;t really wanna bother myself with anyone much zz
feels as if i;m running away from some things.. kinda feeling..
but really jzu cant be bothered...not like anyone will really bother

oh well...

anyway.. at the moment i'm suppose to be sleeping.. but i cant slp...
kinda still feel bad and err kinda troubled bout my dear fren...
as in like.. she asked me to call her... i kinda called but cant hear much coz i outside...
by the time i got home its rather late.. tried.. but still.. no answer or wad..
i wonder wads wrong...
i;m so sry k... hmmm i call u tml? get back to me ya, if theres anything need me help or wad.. or anything let me noe k...

zz
i think i shall not say much.. kinda having some negative tots.. =P
hmm logging
william

2008-05-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

updates....

well again here i am...
a little update on things,
continued my work at SGH,
helping dave to troubleshoot the hundred over Access Point that aint working..
together with me is my classmate/colleague, Kinleong aka KL AKA gnoelnik
the whole day started with us getting to outram park mrt too early, sat there and dicussed things,
went over to SGH, met eric ou there, one of the IT support at SGH,
asked him for the keys and ladder, he say " i dun supply these things.
"have u got ur pass?"
"wad pass?" - wiliam
"you need a pass..." - eric
then he disappeared...

me and kl went out, gave him a call and clearify things,
he says" i dun haf time to entertain you all"
so we gave dave a call explain our situation,
he called eric and well seems like eric changed his mind about lending us keys and all that...
kinda 2 face dun u think?

anyway we went ahead with our combing of SGH..
today we did block 5,
block 5 zzz troublesome..
managed to fix some levels only,
the rest, its either an A ward, high dependancy ward or isolation ward...
problems encountered, AP FA interface downed, Radio down, POE hub down and the most common of all loose cable zzz...

finished our work bout 4 plus.
left for home,
met jason along the way to pick up my course Tee..

reached home kinda slack and try to get my test drive unlimited to work... retarded software zzz

thats about it for today..

things to take note,
tml bike lesson 4 at 8.30, need wakie up early...
reminder to self, morning call me fren till she wakes up,
think about my final report and presentation. plan wad to do with it,
send GC the whole lot of warrenty list..
hmm did i miss anything?

okie thats bout it for today.

a little bout previous days,
work work...
kinda sad though.. screwed up some things...
went SGH to do a fault call, then went down with dave to sentosa, TP tourism academy @ sentosa for another fault call..
that was when i screwed up..
left my things at the office, haiz disappointed. i really ahte that feeling of screwing up...
kinda spoil my mood for the day...
thank goodness for some frens managed to keep my mood on the brighter side,

next day started my adventure with kl at SGH, same same...
end of it i went down marina square to meet sonme classmate for her birthday,
we went to eat at yuki, had fun and all.. =P happy birthday ly =)
slack abit at esplanade, fell aslp..
then went home le...

hmm i wonder did i miss anything..., hmm i kinda miss sch hahaha
cant belief i said that...

hmm i guess i'll update further soon...

logging william

2008-05-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

hey after such a long time here i am again..

well been really really busy lately with work and all that...
kinda sian of it also
wanna get back to sch hahaz

anyway a few updates in things, i'm finally passed lesson 3 in my bike lesson 5 more to go in total, and 2 more be4 i need a PDL..
14th june theory lesson 1 and 2 ( hahaz kinda remind of someone..same date also)
15th is lesson 3 and 4

then will see when rtt..

besides that, work wise, ACSI is clearing up le, soon it'll be all over..
and hopefully i get a new project after that..
a little bit on the sch side,
its half way thru my attachment.. 2 motnhs and 1 weeks more to go,
finished interim report le, SHIT... haben do my weekly report...
well i think i'll do it tml at office..
kinda remind me also,
tuesday i got a lab test in office... reminder to self, please prepare everything about STP
and things shld be alrite then...

mood wise lately beens improving drastically,
partly due to some people =)
well plus i'm starting to cant be bothered with alot of things le...
really tired of them...
plus not like wad ever i do will pretty much be appreciated anyway...
so leave them be let them do wad they wan and wad they think is rite.

a side note to my dear fren, really alot of things to tell ya.. so sry haben update my blog in a long long time, kinda miss u lotz here... hurry back and we shall go for supper and all...
hope ur doing fine there, juz a few months to go =)
well i'll call ya soon alrite...

so far while biking, i met a new fren,
a very interesting person, and only person i noe so far who got that much things in common with me lol
its really nice to meet ya =)
hope to see ya more often especailly after ya exams..

anyway.. well no matter how hard i try to me optimistic thigns always come crumblering down...
plus i really cant see a good end to things.. so yea...
but i'm not giving up hahaz, even though the end aint wad i see it to be...
i will still do my best in wad i do and juz move on ahead...

i'll be happy and all...

search for my owjn happiness and leave everythign else behind me

actuclly i dun relaly noe wad i talking but ya... anyway... moods pretty good too =)
wonder this time how long it'll last and i hope things progress and become something i pictured hahaz

logging william
hey to my dear fren...
kinda miss hearing ya lol tell me all bout ur things there soon alrite...

2008-05-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

hey guys and gals, ladies and gentlemen....

been a long while sinc ei last blog...
seriously lately i dun haf mood at all..
its juz crap really... things juz keep screwing up people juz making me feel more miserable then i ever tot i could be...
its juz horrible....
go home everyday stone my way to slp...
wake up everyday with no goal or meaning..
juz wake up get to work.,..
sit down in office... feels like a bore..
its juz darn boring...

things just been happening...
getting really sick of it...
so bad that i dun even wanna think about it...

mood change like instantly...
i look at some people.. i feel like they seem o be putting up a face...
but inside no one gives a shit anyway...

boring....
works getting really boring.. and i really juz wanna slp and not wake up...
recently juz updated with my interim report...
workmover nite to finish it.. till now 1 week pass the submission..
my LO didn;t even come to see us about it.. wth....

recently been talking to my dear fren... happy times sad times...
hopes she doing fine.. sometimes really got the temptation to juz call over and talk but then.. timing wise is always not really possible...
come back soon bring me go dessert =P

honestly out of all my frens only a handful really noe who am i...how i think how i feel...
most juz in front act good behind dun care...
wads the point of doing so much for people who dun even bother...
\haiz.. sick of it...

been also going for my cca also.. really nice to see this new group of year 1.. i haf a good feeling about this batch lets hope i;m not wrong...
this time we also haf a number of gals =P
train hard people....
get to noe ya all more soon...

zzz tired.. dun feel like tlaking..
juz feel like locking myself somehwere cool and dark and juz lay there...
zzz

logging
william

2008-05-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

back to update again, after much demand...

well honestly life now is quite rocky... up and down...
constantly changing moods...
at times feeling depress, at time happy, at times.. feeling insane.. and agitated...
seriously dunno wad is happening...

anyway been busy with work work and work...
yesterday finished a 40 page report...
went to couple of on site work...
tagging and lab test at office...
life is a bore honestly....

boring......

hoenstly i dunnow ad to write... been wanting to write for a long time now...
but at the moment abit moody... then really dunno wad i shld even update here....
kinda feel miserable...
especialy after some things i said.. things i nv tot i could express out inw ords..
things that no one around me knew that i was going thru and feeling...
a a simple thing of runnign away fromt he facts of this world actuclly can causeso much hell...
in the long run...
slowly u lose ur self, ur beliefs, ur principle, the thigns that u once trust... slowly losing ur sanity...
life jus simply become abit meaningless, without purpose, juz an empty shell...
wake up to no purpose, slep to no dream and goal...
juz nitemares at most..

life isn;t bad by itself... juz it doesn;t fel rite at all.. theres juz things stuck in me somewhere that i dun even noe...
everytime that happens.. ya juz feel like cutting urselof up to find it...

honestly feeling damn rediculous... but then even though wadever i think here i noe most are not rite.. but then it feels rite....
i look around me... who acutclly bothers about a person like me?
i got tones of frens but who really treat me as one honestly...
i give so much to people... helping listening anjd all that... but then hoenstly who am i to them...
part of me noes that that is not true... but another is beliefing it...
seriously i dunno wad i;m talking ... nvm i shall not continue else i feel worst...

anyway some things i really wanna say to my dear fren so far away...
hey dun angry le okie.. =) smile more.. dun let them ruin ur day.
if they bully u tell me i settle them for u tsk tsk..
remember take good care of urself...
no matter wad i;m going thru.. or wad i;ll wait for ya return and we shall hang out alrite!!
dunc are dessert or drink =P anything...
hahaz...
so far 2 months... liao...
2 months of no haf u around my hp quite silence =p
wellya take care of urself alrite...
miss ya lotz...
so sry if all this abit short or wad... but well its all from the bottom of my heart
juz a little not that good at the moment... so sry...,

zzz i;m going insane zzz

i shall end... tired and shoulder hurting

logging william

2008-05-04T09:02:00.001-07:00

update update....

things been ok ok....
not good not bad...
as for work wise...
work is pretty okie... also...
juz.. kinda getting abit sian of it...
really tired too...
nvm 3 more month!! it'll be over soon....

lets start wif yesterday...
went over frens 21st birthday... chalet.. close to 70 people..
rather grand birthday..
it was pretty fun and all..
at some point i kinda had some change in mood...
but aint really that obvious.. so thats a good thing.. dun wan to ruin anything for anyone at an occasion like tis...
drank abit.. rather alot actuclly but then compared tot he rest is a bit le...
even one whole mouthfl of black label once...

then went cine eat.. then walk around do crazy things and head home...

today damn tired....
still is.... haiz sian.. at the moment.. abit moody again...

honestly been really bad on the mood lately.. really.. bad...
see things happening before.. happening on me... and stuff like that.. made me juz feel like crap...
getting ignored... getting put aside...
the feeling juz sux..
honestly i feel like the least important person alife... although i noe there are people who cares about me... least i hope...
haiz.. nvm.. lets juz avoid this topic totally....
i nv seem to be able to relate this to anyone at all anyway...

anyway....
been starting to talk to my dear fren over the phone and all that.. really happy =0
finally noe how to call her le...
its really nice to hear from ehr again...
really really missed her alotz...
hopes shes well there... =) will wait eagerly for ur return....
hahaz no haf u here.. feels like missing something in singapore...
hahaz no more supper no more sinful cakes and dessert... lol
hoenstly now a days everytime i eat dessert.. u the first thing that came to my mind....
then i'll start smiling like mad liddat... well i guess simple things become more precious when the person aint around... so people do learn to appreciate the person when they are around hahaz...
hmmm now a days even drinking also think about ya lol... ya like my drinking khaki liao.. =P
now go drink like no one go wif me or no feeling or wad...
but anyway also been busy wif work and all...
work.. plus all this emotional thingy going on... draining me like nuts... tired argh... aarrgghhh
hahaz when ya come back lets go sing k(i shall go learn more song till ya comes back LOL), drink(flaming lamboghini, waterfall, absinthe, cosmopolitian), play mahjiong(lol muz teach me all the tai and all that.. still abit blur)

well got alot of thing wanna tell u about.. good things bad things.. but then like ya not around hard to say.. hahaz also dun wan give ya burden with all my things hahaz... ya muz take care of urself there, and dun worry bout me alrite.. no matter wad i will make sure i'm in one piece de.. wont let all those tot of putting myself in harms way get to me de =P

k lah i think i wirte till here le...

miss ya lotz...come back fast fast alrite...!!!

william
(hmmm followed ur advice of talking to ya thru my blog LOL)

2008-04-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

back to blog bout my dreadful boring life =P
well be4 i begin... hahaz this update was kinda more for my dear fren at china hahaz =P
well me now a days like always no mood to update.... moody over alot of things.. stress over some things.. upset over other things.... hmmm wad can i say =P i'm abit more sentimental or wad u call emotional.... hahaz....

anyway.... to my dear fren... how haf ya been? really glad to hear ya voice again over the phone after so long...quickly finish and come back singapore okie.. then we can hang out again liao.... zzz been really busy lately... work work...
honestly i think i lack slp liao =P plus some times i cant get to slp.... so hmmm juz made matter worst....

anyway... heres na little bout wad i've been up to =P

attachement start... work work work work... hahaz.... as for wad i do at work? its confidential... i'd haf to kill u if i tell u... LOL jkjk tagging(scanning and sticking warrenty stickers...), kenna test theory and practical by my manager.... tio attached to my engineer at acsi.. which later tio PS by him (coz his wife give birth) and i kinda sit int/took over... now that his back i'm still here....
lol anyway talking bout that... hahaha happy!!!! =P i solo solved the boarding sch side de wireless access problems =P its pretty fun when ya get to know stuff ya dun.. and manage to solve things ya dun expect to solve....

okok enuff bout work....
as for life.. been boring... hanging out after work wif classmate dinner and all that.... hardly got chance to hang out much wif anyone.... cut back on the drinking le....
still single unwanted... hmmmm more or less same as always hahaz....

hmmm i think i shall write till here.... be4 i get to all my emo parts hahaz...

to my dear fren.. take good care of urself there alrite!!
we all miss u here.... and remember dun skip meals wor!!!!least haf sufficient... =)

logging william

2008-04-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

update update...

currently at office, ps my fren he doing tagging i here typing my blog...
but hey serve him rite =P lol he ji tao slack de loh, throw all the major order to tml..
juz becoz he tml not in office...
oh well dun really bother me much...
i've got other things bordering me worst than this so yea....

anyway been really really busy this month...
work work work...
and also not forgeting some play in between....
hangout wif classmates and all, watch loads of movie, sing k, etcetc

as for work.. been stuck at acsi for a long long time, dunno if things are okie le mah.. anyway my engineer will be back on thursday,

haben really been in the best of mood lately...
troubled by some things... alot of things actuclly but no point mentioning...
sleep wise.. manage to slp.. but then been losing them.. or begining to lose them...
starting to get a little physically, mentally and emotionally tired...

hahaz but wad to do got to live with it...

ya noe in this world there are just too many types of people with different mentality around..

some are good some are bad and some deserve to die...
some people tell me why do u bother bout these people so much...
honestly i could dun bother.. but i cant.. its juz me...
everything makes me think.. the more i'm close to the person the more i think about it...
i cant juz shut things out...

but recently i'm realy too sick of it to care...

hmmm nvm.. i dun feel like writing bout anything at the moment...

logging

2008-04-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

OMG juz notice nv blog for weeks le!!!

hmm shall do a quick update be4 my really detail long ones

well been soso lately,
ups and down...
well one thing for sure.. crap really happens at unexpected times...
it happened alot of time...
haiz.. think bout them i really dunno sad or angry...
nvm lets not touch that... =) now happy happy shall not touch on that...

hahaz why happy u asked?
well a few things bah.. first would be... finally after weeks get to chat wif my dear fren on msn.. been really busy lately..
i'm sure she also...
read her blog and well hahaz ya noe always.. read le mood seems to be better hahaz,
hear bout her life there and all...
to my dear fren dun worry i'mm be alrite de.. u also muz take real good care of urself alrite!!!
cant wait for ya return...
august argh august hurry hurry come come...
=P

other then that well my attachment wise... things are settling le on the on site...
offrice side... learned alot.. zz got a lab test from my manager in 2 weeks time DIE!! lol

hmmm any other further detail will be done in days to come...

logging that all for now... shall update more soon...
and might consider flaming some ******
hmm and start a world war again.. =P some people really deserve it...

hahaz anyway...
logging
william

to my dear fren.. take good care of urself alrite!!!
will be eagerly awaiting ur return!!!
=)

2008-04-03T01:09:00.000-07:00

back to blog again....
still not in the best of health and mood....
Honestly.... stll coughing like mad... saw throat is improving, feeling feverish again...
here comes headache also....
mood wise... well... maybe i'm juz worrying too much....
but how can u not when u see the facts and the things coming at u?
however... worrying bout them might not be a good thing...
it blinds u from making the right choice and making mistakes...
dumb mistakes...

honestly feeling very dumb.. in certain things i did...
kinda regret also.... but no choice...
wads done is down.. blame it on i butt itchy...
but then... even though its dumb.. but the reason i had for doing them...
is for a good cause...
but honestly how good is it?
u do things becoz of others... because filial piety...
however, the things u do even though its for a good cause... might not be the best options to take...
gonna try to salvage wad i can...
wadever i waste is wasted... cant do much about it...

how much would u trust a close fren's close fren?
technically considered ur fren also...
his confidence in the things...
his assurance...
it juz makes u wanna risk it abit juz becoz of him...
but is it wad u wanna do?
the right thing to do?
honestly i dunno,...
its kinda like ur trying to weigh, ur trust in the person to how u feel about the things...
well but somethings i heard along the way.. indeed... i did learn sumtin useful...
sometimes a little risk is needed... everything has risk... but its juz i feel its not the rite thing for me....
i guess i'll put it on hold for now... wadever i put in i shall leave in...
if it truely works, well i might consider then...

honestly people... how many of u is seriously considering ur future?
i noe some people are.... i noe the person beside is isn't -_-"
well i'm in office u shld noe who...
wher would u end up... which path will u take...
will u succeed will u fail....
i've seen so much happen infront of me...
really i dun wan that to happen to me...
i wan to do sumtin...about it, about my life, my future... everything...
i wan control... but i feel limited... i feel the lack of control...
i think i'm a person who wans to command things command my life...
steer it... but then how capable am i?
honestly i think i'm the worst of the worst around... when it comes to capablility...

well a few possible plans i got now...
first off....
lets see wads the fixed path that i need to finish...
finish schooling... finish 2 years NS and additional 4 years of contract...

for me i wan wan to go uni....
haf a stable career, a slightly higher than comfortable life...

a few options in mind...
finish navy, save an amount, find a partner i can work wif.. start a business tgt...
or more ideal... try to get a degree.. by any means...(even if it means extend my contract..) den use the money i earn do investment...

or i got this feeling i want to finish wad i d/ need to do...
get a degree(by any means), at the same time freelance a job...u noe extra income(i intend to start now as i;m on attachment...
honestly this 3 months is suppose to be a really happy 3 months for me.. to spend and all..
but i haf no idea why... april i'll be so dried...
may... i'd probably be normal i guess....asame goes to june...blame it on me spending i guess... butt itching....nvm dun wanna talk about that... WHY THE FUK DID I EVEN AGREE TO IT ANYWAY.....common sense would haf tell me i dun haf the time to commit...
zzz a little maths for now... 3k -2k left 1 k dunno why left 700...
700-400 left 300 +1k +1.2k = 2.5k +500 = 3k - 1.2k = 1.8k +1k = 2.8k -400 = 2.4k / 3 = bout 800/mth...
a little error... 2.4k + another 500 = 2.9k / 3 = 900+....shld be sufficient...
hmmmm
2.4k + plus lets see some invisible money i cant get back... 2.4k + 2k + 5k + 400 = 9.8k(if i could get back all that is....)
lets see the potential money i used to owned... 150k + 18k + current.... bout close to 160k+ HAHAHA....
haiz... u can die in sg but dun fall sick....
if i indeed get that kind of illness i'd rather my kids let me die.. then let me see them suffer becoz of me... thats wad i'll do...

honestly i feel like shit... so as of today... any income and expense i will not only take note.. but make sure its worth it...
limit everything....

and anyone got any interest of well i dunno try to start a simple business?
honestly i wan to and no i'm not thinking of making sumtin like microsoft....
zzz juz u noe ideas that might work.... u noe use wad we learn to come up wif sumtin....
maybe put tgt ideas and things to set sumtin up....
i mean people come up wif their own blogshop and stuff... maybe theres sumtin we could do that is untap....might or might not work.,.. but worth trying.....
it might become sumtin big? no?

plans for now.... start saving... (been trying but i haf none.. not becoz i wan to spend becoz theres a need to give it away...to help the fam...)

ok i think i'll write till here....
nothing much to write le...
no point writing how i feel...
no one gonna care bout it.. i mean its me lol i shld handle it myself and not let people handle me....
things aint always go as expected...
i guess thats life.. learn to move wif it then....

logging william
i'm the dumbest person....(least i think so...) alive...
i dunno... i'm fugged up......

2008-03-30T03:04:00.000-07:00

update, haben been blogging like for ages,
shall quickly brief thru the week...

well the week started wif monday....
works boring, then afterwork.. did i go anywhere?
cant really remember tuesday bout the same i guess,
dunno was it tuesday or monday i went chinatown wif kanwei and norvin, eat.
then wed also nothing much i guess then thursday
i went down to acsi to do some configuring...
then after work meet up wif pp they all,
then after that, nor,yw,wake and ly went back by train i took bus wif pp,
went to douby ghaut, jason was there, pp went to find him, while i did a little surprise visit to wenqi at her working place, LOL
it was damn funny, i walk to her shop she didn;t notice, i sneak up lean at the counter she look up tio shock hahaz... cant forget the look on her face LOL
company her wait for bus then was gonna go home, but went to find jason instead,
then friday, after work, went clark quey,
meet up wif nor,yw,wake,ly and wenqi for dinner...
then slack around the river side till 11 plus
sat early mornign went to meet my ninjado group go sentosa,
lol got sunburnt...
had fun and all...
then was going back they drove to cathay...
since i was they i tot i pop by =P
see wenqi at her work place again.. =P lol well i got time to burn i guess..
then went down meet my bro at bugis, met arif, ben,javier, derrick and samuel.
they go for dinenr then shisha,
then went to play pool...
then went back..

honestly was damn glad to be home,
was feeling really terrible...

not in the best of mood or health lately...
been like sick...but then its not stopping me from going out wif my frens and all...
nothing much i guess...juz fever, saw throat, cough, flu and cold, headaches..
feels kinda terrible though...

mood wise, well nvm well tok bout that later...

that about it i guess..

as fopr today.. slack at home rest, then afternoon went to meet xan and ck for movie at my hosue nearby...
watch the bucket list..
seriously, GO watch it...
its worth the money...
i'm glad i did...its very meaningful...
tells us that life is indeed really short.. make the ebst of it...
i think i shld haf a bucket list myself...
though i;m not gonna die juz yet.. but who noes...
i think i will go buy or download the show...

hmmm well got feelings and tot to write but at the same time dun feel like writing zzz
its sumtin like u wann to find people to talk but u dun feel like sayign anything...
zzz

nvm logging
william....

2008-03-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

juz deleted a whole chunk of wad i wrote...
dun feel like i shld write it out...

nvm i guess i shld not blog today...

logging william

2008-03-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

Update 2...

back from lunch...
well i shall not go into all those PC thingy again...
honestly feeling abit unwell...
think i'm running a fever...
feeling abit feverish...slight headaches and all..

zzz

oh well the days gonna end in bout 3 and half hour le

nothing to do juz tagging and more tagging...
well nvm dun feel like writing anymore things... will update again when i feel like it...

logging
william

2008-03-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

<<<>>>

Well technically be4 i go on... the thing flooding my mind now is reagarding my PC...
lol i saw a good offer on the internet, a 2nd hand leadtek 8800GTX 768mb....
selling at 520 sg dollar...
damn tempted to buy... but still the price is abit high to juz buy like that.. and i actuclly wonder if i got enuff power to support it...
hmmm nvm been doing research for the past few hour...
since nothing to do also..

well somethings i found and possible things i can do...
1st... HECK juz buy and fit it in and think later...
2nd... consider shld i wait awhile more and get a 9XXX series...
but then this opstion got its problem.. such as different PCIe slots..it uses PCIe 2.0
and if that is true haf to consider change mobo.. means more money.. means bad...
or i could drop my own card and get 2 of a lower end? hmm nah.. bad option...
damn tempted to get my hands on it...
i mean coz damn SLS... when the 9000 series came.. they wanna obselute the 8000 series beside the 8800GT...

well think about this... if i get.. i'll be like having half of my target rig le...
currently i'm using a ASUS striker extreme mobo(love this board) with a intel E6400 (2.13Ghz.. not as good... i shld try push it up to at least a 2.8 or change for a C2D 3.2Ghz.. or even a quad core... but then money is an issue) together wif this is a Leadtek 8800GTX 768mb...(love this card no matter wad people say...) together wif a 2 gig cosiar 667Mhz ram..(bad option.. shld haf got a 800Mhz de.. or juz get a HyperX....since my board can handle it) zzz with 320GB de HDD(i think need additional....

well my target is to achieve a same board, wif SLI 8800GTX, 2gig SLI RAM, wif additional 500GB hdd, C2D 3.2 or even a quad... but that would mean bigger PSU...
haiz if i was a rich kid hahaz...
a few things to take not for myself... time to cut up my casing.. need to do some mod to it...

well if i am indeed a rich kid...
i would haf gotten myself the same mobo.. or change for a Stiker II extreme... =P quad core extreme, with 3 8800ULTRA, 4 gig SLI ram, 1200watt SLI-ready PSU, 1 terabyte HDD and a fatality sound card... OMG if only... then i would use if a casing i saw yesterday at my grandma place.. zz can remember the name but damn well design but damn ex... then put it wif 2 32 inch LCD hmmm heck if i that rich i wan 2 plasma tv to it liao hahaz hmmm nono make that 4!!

okok i got too far got tooo far...

back to earth... money is still an issue....
i got bills to pay, driving to learn, things to buy...
cant juz spend like that...
talking bout that KNN my bills not paid for my HP... i told my parent like many many time...
my hp bills juz gimme...
dun wan then everytime liddat...

haiz.. nvm...

well beside that...
ws kinda thinking bout sumtin....
i think i'll continue after lunch...

2008-03-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

well back from my bros place...
was suppose to go book lesson for my driving but heck argh.. had other plans that came up..
its close to 4 am le and i kinda juz got home awhile ago...
and no i didn;t go chiong or wad...

technically i went to cityhall to get some suppliments i ordered..
then head down to eski to meet a fren of mine whom i really really haben seen in ages...
well we had some drinks.. chat wif the people there...
then went down to archipelago..
met long there =P opps i said i wanted to visit him for a long time now but haben.. but i will de.. there.. he treat us to a new beer that they made..
its really nice to catch up wif them and all..

after that shuhui aka eva, one of my most valued fren
she suggest we head to her place..
so yea i did...
guess wad we did there...
no nothing to get us in trouble hahaz..
went to watch drama wif her =P
till bout 3 when she gonna slp le then i went home... well had to cab i guess... no buss le... heng is from her place serangoon to my place aint really that far since got TPE...
juz head down to hougang and TPE down...

thats about it.. i guess.. hahaz my fren she damn cute loh.. she was talking on the phone while i continued watching tv.. =P she like got damn excited hahaz then we were watching
gong zhu siao mei
she was like saying she wan to be the gal int he show =P
me also i wan be the guy sia..
got looks got money... got skill hahaz
well one thing i rememeber clearly was on the way to her place..
took bus, listen to her mp3.. well her earpiece got problem(the rubber came off)
so technically iw as hearing her sing =P and i muz say shes got a really nice voice...
so yea hey ger jia you!! go do wad ya like.. if its tourism u wan.. go for it!!

well some things i came across today ..
oh yea i met eva de godbrother.. chris.. nice guy really nice to meet ya
then some things we talked about..
as usual got gf ? tat kinda question...
they were saying.. guys too nice.. no gal like.. i was kinda laughing there..
男人不坏女人不爱
how true is that?
seem like that though...
no point being a nice guy a good guy...
u juz get used in the end...
maybe javier was rite..
rather eat people then be eaten...
who actuclly cares about people who done them good?
who remembers the thigns u done for them the things u sacriface for them?
its human nature to remember the bad things...
so shld i hate myself for become who i am now..
someone who finally became nice.. and ended up not noeing who i am...
the things i do to make people know me appreciate me rememebr me.. but in the end.. do they?

nvm that hahaz
well i'm gonna try make a difference for myself...
first off.. is to kick off my new training regime... enuff bulking le.. now is to shred and become lean..
then also attitude wise haf to change...
i noe i dun really talk much to people de ..
weired thing is.. to some people i can like socialize non stop de.. buit some i cant even say anything...
zzz i got to learn to speak up and speak out...
stand out... if that means being an ass.. i'll be an ass... as long as it doesn;t go against my priciples..

finance wise.. well currently looking at it.. even be4 the months start i over spend le...
but then if i counted correctly this time.. i shld haf enuff and haben over spend..
hopefully i didn't count wrong this time...
take care people...

logging..
william
feeling shit and happy at the same time...

2008-03-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

its friday... GOOD FRIDAY!!
so kinda typing this at home,
juz woke up, bout 1.30++pm liddat..
feeling kinda tired...

got home pretty late...
well yesterday after work, went to meet up wif the guys to go my fren de EC project thing..
be4 that i went over douby ghaut, drop by a frens working place =P
hahaz imagine suddenly walking into the shop, then she surprised look =P
well she end work bout 7 so i kinda had time to burn to i went to find her see see look look, talk abit
then after that company her to bustop then i head over to city hall...

well then at city hall, everyone was gathering up...
except for some...
one got lost and some kinda late....
anyway... well some of them kinda got on my nerves...
i think he actuclly dare say that to me...
well lucky him i was really in a good mood, after going over douby ghaut..
i didn;t bother bout him...
well dinner was okie =)
after that they went their seperate ways..
i ended up wif ck and ben, they wanted to head down to eski..
so i followed..
but didn;t drink much... serious okie juz tried gin tonic only...
then talk bout some things...
and wow...somethings really cant be told from the outlook...
but i shall not say it here...
kinda private affairs to the person...
;)

then after that went home in NR7...
it kinda pisses me off taking that bus...
first the damn driver like driving a freaking oven...
air con was like not even on de...
nvm.. once it gets squeezy.. it get really hot.. then some bugger sat beside me occupy so big space... and he was like another heater zzzz

oh well i forced open a window and survive the trip home...
reach home i slp till now =P

hmmm was a pretty exciting day.

hmmm later will be heading over my bros place for the nite..

i guess thats about it?

hahaz

logging
william

2008-03-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

Update... for wednesday and thursday of week 3 week of march... =P

well weds been a pretty exciting day in the office..
though wasn;t feelling very well..
but things work out fine.
got to try many new things...
more tagging, learned about Catalyst 6, the difference in CAT IOS, NATIVE IOS and HYBRID IOS. did some staging test, change parts of equipment, POST new equipments. and be4 the day end i went on-site again, this time to chevron... at raffles place.
well i tot i could go and then head home after that, however i was wrong.
i had to bring this make shift test equipment there and back to office be4 i go.
so far nvm that, went there i tot hmm why not.. learn something new, i mean like haf u ever seen a wireless strength test be4?
but to my horror...
OMG the client is really nv erm how shld i put it? "smart"?
i first realise something was wrong when we took a lift to the 9th floor and take the stairs down...
went there OMG the office wasn;t even up..
everything is like in the making...
had to wear helmet to go in as well..
but oh well since they wan it.. we test it..
setup and walk around wif a laptop and record readings.
then zzz drag till like 6 plus.
after that had to cab back office in PEAK HOUR!
zzz
after work i head down to douby ghaut to meet my classmates.
=) really glad to see everyone again hahaz, well we seem to be getting closer in this attachment and some other things...
so far got jason, pp, norvin,yw, wake , ly, wq and myself, follow by si jia
we walked around and had dinner at this shop.. was it dao jui mian mian or mian mian jui dao?
=P
dinner was rather nice.. really enjoyed all the company and the food was pretty okie i guess...
norvin had a type of noodle called yi tiao mian LOL really is 1 long strand
after dinner we went to watch movie, RULE#1, sadly wq didn;t join us..
but oh well if its not her type of movie then dun force her loh =P theres always next time.
well the movie was okie i guess not really scary but kinda sad...
feels kinda unfair to the main character but well life is like that i guess...
but really this show is like sad ending loh...

after movie went home...
at home chat wif some frens and well was talking bout some things, and really made me wonder..
well i guess in different peoples eye they see others differently.. every actions ahas a different meaning to different people. hmmm juz like how i;m hated by some people who i think dun really noe me, but i'm okie with others..

well take care ya, dun think too much bout all this le, i'm sure they all wanted ya to be happy de but juz maybe the way they think is different from the way ya think ?
well doesn;t matter wad others feel bout u, juz noe that theres people out there who really cares bout u, ya might not realise. take care ya..

hmm anyway enuff bout yesterday le, i enjoyed myself hope ya did as well =)

hmm today.. gonna be a very rush and a very slack day...
rush becoz most delivery is on monday and all not done tagging...
slack becoz we cant do no tagging...they doing stock check...
zzz heard its gonna take awhile... die... how?

anyway later will be meeting up wif the rest of them and go for my frens de shtec de project...
hmmmmaybe afterwork i shall head somewhere first ;)
so may be late a little...
but will be there.

logging william

2008-03-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

well today not exectly in the best of moods...
once again.. i felt kinda hmmm how shld i put it? alone?
like that kinda i'm not up to everyones expectation around me kinda feeling..
like everyone looks at me with their opinion and all...
honestly i really like to juz get in close to noe people and all..
but juz someth=imes ya looka t them.. and ya juz feel like wads this person thinking of me...
like i;m below them or sumtin...
am i?
hmmmm... i noe i'm not..
juz a feeling bahx...
kinda like wad i say to my fren..
its like a fear...
something that happened be4, that kinda made an impact...
that the aftereffect still stays on...
hahaz i guess i haf to learn to overcome it...
well today in office i look into my windows messenger...
and well i got so many contacts but yet none or only some i could talk to....
some ya talk to them... they juz give u the i dun wanna talk to u feeling..
well i guess i'm the kind who needs to socialise..
i talk to people... though afraid that i'd be judge...
but i really dun like it when u made the effort to communicate.. and keeping in contact and the other person juz give u the kind of reply that make u dunno wad to say no more..
honestly i talk to people i'd think back bout the things we been thru.. u noe like cherish the moments... but then sometimes.. niot everyone is like that i guess..

oh well i guess different people react differently...
today did nothing much also...
learned abit bout ASA, and some stuff...
tml will got alot of thigns to do...
and i expect alot of onsite to come

oh well.. we'll see how tml bahx... i;m sure i;d feel alot better
and well dun worry.. i;m not upset or wad .. these are juz some things i feel bahx.. then i juz write them out to get them out of my head...
=) gonna slp soon... surprise? hahaz

hmmm yesterday my dear fren left for china.. and today i already missed her... lol cant sms her or wad hmmm i wonder hows she doing hahaz...

i guess i better get going now.. nothing much also...

logging,
william
...juz be urself...

2008-03-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

a little more update bout today...
well for the rest of the day.. kinda did nothing...
learned from GC that the SP de stock didn;t tally wif the warrenty sticker...
opps
he had to retag the whole 200 boxes...
psps....
knock off and wanted to stay out abit maybe go find fren or wad btu then in the end decided to went home...

tml is my granny de birthday, so i guess after work i'll head home straight...

weds, currently the plan is to go watch a movie, hmmm everyones going... well except one..
hahaz psychoing her to go =p go lah go lah!!!! lol oh well tml see how...
though it'll be nice if the whole group was there...

thursday, going for my fren de project thing 5 course meal de dinner...
looking forward...

friday HOLIDAYYY!!!!!!

lol currently... kinda missing my fren who juz fly oversea for the enxt 5 months...
lol no more supper and late nite dessert liao...
hopefully with her away i still can find people to talk =p
felt bad couldn;t send her off today...
well not that i needed to be there but then juz i feel bad lah... close fren going off so far and long...
hahaz

hmmm a little personal reflection...
confidence is harder to find back then juz say only...
but well i'm trying... in time i'll find everything that i lost...
personally i kinda hate the feeling of being left suspended...
as in like hang in the middle of things bahx...
left untouch coz its sensitive or wad,...
or juz certain uncertainty..
i guess most people dun like that as welll...
but well i got to learn not to rush things.. for too fast it might ruin everything...
though i'm feeling alot better both mentally and emotionally...
theres still some doubts and fear...
all the wad if this and wad if that...
but in time i'm sure it'll all go away...
i guess patience is the key?
i've already waited so long.. wads awhile longer rite...
at the moment.. i'll haf to learn to be who i am, improve myself, and find myself back...
whether the end will be wad i wanted or not that doesn;t matter.. the thing is i try my best...
rite?
well i shldn't let my doubts and dears hold me back...
this is the challenge that i face... haf to elarn to overcome i guess...
confidence confidence confidence...
need to pick that up...

logging william....

2008-03-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

another update after some long time again....
well lets see wad i need to update...
thursday, friday, sat... i shld skip sunday.... and of coz monday

well thursday nothing much actuclly...
kinda rot around and went to client place mount a cat 6 switch...
cut myself though....
zzz
beside that nothing much le
oh yea eveing i went to meet somefrens for dinner and drinks..
its really nice to see them all...
especially when on of them is leaving sg for 5 months le

well friday... went on site again.. this time wif norvin
we went to invensys...
somewhere around expo...
YES!!!!
so close!!
to where i live..
well got to woke up late, then go there slowly reconfigured the IP phones
got like 600+ to do..
took one whole day =P
but we manage to finish rather early too
late afternoon liddat...
then i kinda went out after that...
after work we went expo there walk then eat milan la mian
met pp there...
sat and chat there abit then i went off le...
went home change and all..
then met up wif mich, ben, ck and mich bf
went zouk..
they having a cleo de event....
some 50 most eligible bachelor event
i was rather nice.. gals going wild over those guys...
LOL and wow those are really sumtin
i mean they haf the looks the brains and they got music talents as well =P
hmmm target next year become number 51 and half... LOL
51 is my fren ck.. and why half?
well i'm half the size of number 51 mah... LOL
omg hope he not reading this...
=P
after that ck kinda con us go zouk...
i remember is be4 11pm 6 dollar..
but turn out after is 25...
zzzz
sian 1/2
but okie lah tiring but did enjoy myself a little...
well i haf to rite..seeing the rest of them having so much fun...
it'll be a let down if i say i wnana go home...

well got home bout 6 plus...
then later 7 plus 8 woke up le prepare then head down harbour front...
suppose meet my poly frens at 10.30...
but by 11 only lik 3 of us there LOL
but oh well later on everyone reached...
it was fun... played volley ball..
swim and kinda tanned...
well i'm glad they all made it..=)
we shld haf more outing tgt or sumtin..
after that we went suntec food fair..
then had chocolate fondue...
NORVIN WHERES THE CHEESE FONDUE U PORMISED?
lol

then after that went home le while pp and jason went to watch movie...

sunday was rather bored...
then here comes monday...
well monday not end yet..
but then... today is the day my dear fren leaving sg for china for her study trip...
well gonna miss her =P
no more supper or dessert le...
sad i couldn;t go send her off....
but i'll be awaiting her retun..

take good care of urself alrite...

shall update further...

now some personal tots..
well i read up my frens blog and i kinda agree wad he says and well i noe wad his saying as well =P
well lets hope things end the way we wished bahx =)
shall not give up....
done it once shall nv do it again...
i'm pretty confident that wad i am now i am better then be4...
and wad i am in the future will be even better...

logging
william
pray day and note for ideal ending... =P hooked on the phrase liao...

2008-03-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

once again updates...
this time is more about the past few days bahx say yesterday?
technically yesterday we in office had nothing much to do except tagging...
and learned some interesting thing bout hardware upgrades and all that..
after work we kinda was suppose to meet jason and group to sing...
but then there was a misunderstanding somewhere...
and in the end we watched leap year(we as in me, north, wake, liying, and yingwei)
it was a pretty nice show... okie i would say, honestly one of the better ones of the local movies..
though the sequence abit expected and the ending was alaos expected...
but well i would recommend people who are really erm desperate or upset wif love to watch it...
theres some piloshophy in it that i think would benefit...
and lots of qouatation from people...
talking bout that, i read sumtin in a mag that if u wan to develop ur brain or simply put, exercise the brain.... they recommend reading shakespears works..
this is because, in his works or in his words, things aint juz simple as in wads is said and understood..
rather it requires ur brain to work in reverse to understand the meaning of the sentence..
so with that i'm pretty interested to try my hands of some..
some books i'm actuclly looking forward to read, shakespears works, romance of the three kingdom, cisco lan switching(my manager recommend it saying 20% of it can help u last at least 5 years in the industry...juz curious) and some other....

okok anyway back to yesterday...
afterthe movie, we kinda meet up wif jason and pp to head down to pay a surprise visit to wenqi at her working place..
well i bet shes surprise to see us...
company her do closing then we head for a dinner...
well that kinda brings me to my next topic but i sahll come back to this in a while...

after dinner i took a bus and went down to siglap to meet my dear fren and javier =P
well comapny them for dinner, and we kinda chat...
and well another was there.. which kinda makes the place a rather tense enviroment... but wad the heckk...
ya cna look all ya wan.. we do wad we like when we like and as the way we like it,..
for me... i'm pretty neutrel to everyone... but then.. even though some things people do tat really i cant stand it.. i wont openly do anything...
but unlike some people...
or peoples i shld say... kinda reminded me of another..
who say one thing and do another...
well that also kinda link to my topic i wanna talk about...

well i'm gonna talk bout a very general but complex yet simple thing call love...
the many different face of it...
well to start off...
to a certain someone dunno if u are reading...
well.. saying isin't the thing to do... and worst forcing is not either...
how can u demand anothers love and deny them of their own love for ur own selfish sake?
all u think about is u love her u need her, but ever tot about whether is that the same for her/?
u say u can give everything, but can u?
who are u to say?
u cant handle urself and u want to take care of others?
please consider the fact that love is 2 person thing
not juz u only...
u may or may not haf realise it...
but still some things u do... to u it may be a show of affection and all... but to the other it may be a very offending actions....
and seriously if u not realise, wad u do can land u in jail...
and one more thing to add...
c'mon 2 years inside aint something to be sad about... it juz goes to show ur true face...
so pls consider this...
u are not the bf u haf no rite to demand that either...
honestly how much do u noe bout her?
so please think thru this one sided feeling of urs and please stop freaking haress her life like the way u do it now... ever wonder why ya feel shes being different.? honestly is she different or haf u changed.. changed to someone who shes starting to grow to detest?
well do urself a favour and wake up tom reality...
the way u do things... well it worries the people around her, and it lowers the standing u haf in others.

to my dear fren, please take good care of urself and not let this impact ya too much... its a long time already and its about time it concluded...
lastly rest!!!!! omg u starting to zombie liao....

one more thing... TV argh TV......
ya noe it really worries me sia seeing ya liddat....
understand how ya feel and everything, been there be4...
but be strong gal, ya haf a bunch of frens who really thinks and care about u =)
so dun ya feelalone alrite..
i noe currently u haf many many unanswered question, why this and that...
but well i guess we cant answer for ya, leasti noe i cant and i dun haf that rite...
but we'r here to walk with u thru this dark(least i consider that in this case) time..
giving u the support u may or may not need to help u find the answers to all ur question.
well i shall not ask/force/demand tat u muz break up or wad though that is really i feel the rite thing to do... but still u haf to decide for urself... and dun make a decision u will regret later on in the future... leave no space for regrets.
personally my own view is... well i guess u already noe from my sms.
since he dun cherish u(even though he says he does) dun safekeep the trust u place upon him,
abuse ur the faith u place in him and abuse the people u cared about around u... i feel ya deserve someone better...and that he dun deserve someone like urself...
u are a very special person, unique in ur ways(notice that since i first noe ya, and till noe i hardly find any similar)
it is very unfair to ya that this haf to happen... happen to someone as innocent, cheerful, like urself...
but be strong gal... take it as a learning jouney..
and last of all be happy always...

to the him in this situation, if u ever come here i suppose...
well u may not haf liked me, trust me neither haf i maybe due to some misunderstanding somewhere... i noe u called me names behind my back and all....
and well for the first time.. i shall stay very calm in this...
well honestly then we may haf our quarrels and all... but when that all got settled... trust me i wasn;t really happy bout it as in the ending.... but still i tot u were indeed better... a better man...
and after like some times i really decided to give ya chance to proof urself, and not judge u like i did be4... even on that trip i really starting to think u were indeed better as in character and all that... but sadly i didn't noe wad happen then... honestly i didn;t noe alot of things then... even the fact that the whole 3 person thing was already settled....
even in recent even i really was neutrel to ya already...
but u.... u disappoint me... and honestly i really hate u for wad ya did...
so if u still haf some sens in u, go reflect thru ur own actions and honestly i'm sure u noe wad is needed now..u can give wad ever excuse u haf.. but wad is done is done... like i always said... DUN do sumtin that u noe u will regret... or did u not understand that the truth will be told one day?
honestly.... now... well dun think i'll ever change my idea of u anymore...u ruined ur own name by ur actions...
u can say wadever about me as u like i dun mind go ahead... but then... u think ur better off?
well we'll noe who has the last laugh bahx... people like u always think u haf everything can give everything but honestly wad do u haf?

personally myself... after all the things i gone thru... i haf build myself a career, a rather constant education, a rather strong future.... character wise... well i am who i am, people noe me as i am...
i dun haf to show faces of me... they noe wad kind of a person i am... not perfect but least i'm not as rotten....
so to anyone who thinks and say that they can give and provide wad others cant... pls think again... i meant people around our age...
we dun noe wad we haf or will haf...
even i myself dun consider that i haf much to give...after all the things i achieved...

so that concludes wad i wanted to say...
to the people who deserve it... take good care of yaself and be strong, be happy always...let go and let time heal ur hurt that u suffered and in due time the rite one will come(well to every it concerns, u noe who u are)
to the people who deserve nothing at all reflect, repent, u may not ever get acepted by the people again but least down the road in life u noe ur a changed man and rebuild ur own life...
dun destroy wad is already lost... rather... let go and let time bury the wrong doing that u did...

logging
william
a pretty long post i guess.....

2008-03-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

update once more...
well things beginning to pick up once more...
though i still feel kinda lost.. but lets juz try to maintain this...
been doing alot of thinking bout wad my fren told me...
well i guess its true that one haf to realise whos their real frens and whos juz a passerby in their life?

well i'll still be there and help those in need bah... but then if they really dun appreciate then so be it... theres a limit to ones chivalry...
well neither am i rdy to become wad i was last time.. dread....dreaded by people...

well currently mind still in a blank.. but well like wad wake say...
take the time to reflect loh...
i shld think where i wan to go...
wad i wan in my own life...
i cant life my life for people forever... coz they wont stay by me forever.. no matter how i wish they would...
i guess the first thing i shld learn to do...
is to catch enuff slp...
which i'm getting along pretty okie.. though still got nitemare and all but its subsiding..
next major thing i haf to find back is confidence...
i was once full of it.. till i gave it all away and lost it...
these will be the first 2 major thing i need to find back..
in addition... i guess i need to learn to be determine once again?
well i noe this all sound really err weird...
but well when u gave it all away or haf it ripped out of u...
u feel like u haf nothing left...even though scientifically it cant be proven...
ya really need to grow them back...

as for goals and dreams...
my dreams is still to fly to be a pilot.. though it seems like that will nv happen...
but well no matter...
wad i need to do now.. is to achieve my diploma first..
followed by when i enter the service wif the navy... i wan to get into OCS... i was told that i could try... i still stood a chance even though i;m tied down..
with that.. i hope to get a scholarship for uni...
career wise thats wad i currently aim for bah...

as for wad i wan in my life..
well it would be nice to find my special someone,
i'll prove to the person that i am someone who she could trust, depend and build a future with..
in the distant future.. to be a good father(thats if i ever find my half) to nurture my children as well as i can..,
learn from my mistakes and pass the knowledge on.. and not let them learn the way of life on their own in the cruel world.. well at least prepare them enuff?
well thats all still to early to say,...

to be a good fren,
a good bf,
a good husband,
a good father.

to be a good leader,
a good colleague,
a good employee or employer

well besides that.. i also really would like to change my physique ...
i got to drop my weight and fat percentage...
well knowledge and advice would be appreciate...if ya any pls dun hesitate to let me noe..

its a tough road to walk...
but i shall not give up...
its either i finish it or i die trying...

well i guess thats wad i wanna write today....

i shld get to slp....
wake up early wake up fresh tml...

loggin..
william...
tml will nv be a brighter day... however, it'll be an opportunity to do improve and do things better...

well really haf to thank my frens for believing in me true or not doesn;t matter...
i will try my best ya, kick my bad habits and reinstate myself back to who i was or even better who i will be..

hmmm side track...
something i learn today...
bout CISCO CSS 11500 series swtich...
CSS = content service switch
well rather then the usual mac address, this is more of a layer 4-7 device i think..
uses IP address and port(:___)
shall read up more and write in my report =)

good nite people to those whom i haben seen a long time.. really miss ya all and always thinking bout ya all =)

2008-03-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

update update
tmls monday again...
hope tml working will be a fine one

anyway this few days been a mess a serious mess...
its juz problems after problems...
messed up i'd say...
everything juz crash at the same time...
it always liddat...
anyway... well i guess the truth is out...
we'll see how things proceed bahx...
honestly i dunno wad to say or think or feel also le
well the peak of everything was yesterday...
well got lectured by a fren... i can roughly remember bahx...
didnt really wanna hear it de... but he insisted...glad he did anyway..
plus zzz taking vodka by the shot liddat is really bad for the throat zzz
kaoz...
well was feeling really terrible... till a point i stone thru the nite till my dear fren knock off work and talk to me over the phone while on her way back... well
thx

zzz
well i guess i shld really handle things?
hmmm dunno how or where to begin.. but i think i shall begin wif slp...
i guess somethings about this world really is shit...
no matter how ya dun like it.. ya haf to be it...
not really happy or proud by it... but wad to do...

zzz dun wanna say much.. more like dunno how to say anything at all...

logging hahaz
dun worry no emo today.. not that i noe off... zzz
william

2008-03-07T15:24:00.000-08:00

shall skip the part about work and get stright to the going out...
after work met up wif some frens to hang out and celebrate frens birthday =)
well it was quite insane...
2 movies?
LOL but really loved the step up 2 =P
well also i did haf a little chat wif a fren bout some things... and really made me wonder some hings...
shall talk bout that later...

zzz on my way home i overshot my stop LOL
shiok rite...

welll a little tots...
hmmm maybe shes rite? i nv tried....
hmmm but wads the used....
zzz
sometimes is better not to noe...
better never to noe...
to think that i actuclly was in the dark about everything...
well got quite used to that le... so yea... wads the point...
its all mere history...
honestly i dunno wad to type rite now...
but my mind is going thru tons of things...
i guess i'm probably the surface only kinda thing eh?
i'm juz tired to bother bout anything le...
honestly everything i cared and valued seems not wad it is...
... nvm i;m not in the rite state of mind to blog now... or talk to anyone...
it feels like a warzone up there...
lost my sense of reason
wads the point of going the extra mile... for the people u valued and in the end ur juz a no body...
damn tired...
dun even noe wad i;m thinking, wad i wan, wad i feel...
zzz kaoz.. i think i juz go slp or juz lie down or sumtin....

logging...
william
not in a stable piece of mind...
i need sort my tots...
hmmm am i really that untrustworthy? doesn;t wad i cultivate and portray to be tell who and wad i am?
doesn;t anyone noe me at all?
i guess u juz cant ask for wad is not given to u...?
zzz having a headache again....

2008-03-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

well last nite i slpt pretty late...
talking to frens bout some current situation problems our opinion and all that...
got be quite worked up...
then also talk to my dear fren on the phone =P
well come to think of it.. she seem to be the only fren i really talked on the phone LOL
feel honored rite?
well i shall save all the details there... its need to noe basis...
juz remember i;m always... we'r always here for ya de alrite..
and for heaven sake.. pls take care of ur health lah see u poor thing loh.. sick work, dun sick also work... sad also work... see u liddat. i also tio influence de okie hahaz... take care alrite...
and really from ur voice, ur message or even the way u talk can really tell alot about ya current state of mind =P hmmm i muz work on thsi skill

anyway...
the next morning..
DIE!
woke up late..
chiong cab down to ACSI/.//
sad all my money my dad gave gone liao
okok got there started work on the access points again...
got the hang of things le so moving faster le...
today i actuclly compkleted 70 of them.. out of 150
tml die die muz finish 80
i belief i can
target 30 min do 10...
hmmm in that sch i feelr ather alien LOL
everyone see u like alien sia...
then stuck in server room face all the racks and racks of servers and switches...
but today i kinda got a sight of how real network engineer works and all..
ACSI revamp their entire network
and u got like many company involve in the project

2008-03-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

Part 2 update on today...
well i didn't make delivery neither did i went SP
instead, i went to ACSI instead...
attach to this engineer anwar,
well at first zzz i felt abit left out they were like toking to themself in their own language..
while i juz follow, they sat and ate i juz sat and watch.. tehy discuss bout the client de project.. on another table LOL

zzz
but things improved afetr that..
went to ACSI, wow its damn big... and hmm tot it was a boys sch, why do i see gal in uniform as well?
really kinda like their uniform damn nice...
although i dunr eally like ACS...
lets juz say... related to my ex bah... some things... nvm best dun rbing it back up
anyway went to their server room..
and guess wad... well we got 150 wireless access point to configure zzzz
kaoz... i 2 hr finish 24 nia...
tml morning gonna go back there again...
hopefully tml can finish bahx
zzz else i'll be there friday again LOL
nah tml shld be can de.. i'll reach there bout 9...
talking bout that i better check how to get there later
well honestly attachment is pretty fun but the idea of waking up early everyday go office kinda sian... especially when ur like so tight on cash...
looking forward to april.. LOL well u noe why... heh
hmmm few reminders to self, please remem,ber collect money from those going on the 21st... coz i cant afford to pay first....
nvm i think i dun get to all this first...
wait later i stress up and cant slp

k lah thats about it =)
william

2008-03-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Update 5th march
regarding 4th march and a little bout today.

Day 2 in IAP, Fujitsu Asia

report into office at around 8.30am,
continued wif tagging the equipments for delivery order, delivery order for singapore poly...
chances are they probably starting a course similar to wad i studying .
while tagging half way, was called to deliver a CD to a customer?
it was at 15 banoi road, got there...
it was rather ulu , at the end of jurong..
it was actuclly Keppal de shipyard,
everything was like huge there...
got there in a cab, got off went to change pass, followed by reception,
pass the things to the person and off i went back into office.
back, continued wif tagging then lunch...
after lunch tagging again, then our manager, mr you ann, a pretty nice guy i;d say..
gave us an interview bout our expectations, grade and all that...
ask things like wad we studying, wad marks we looking forward not. well of coz for me, the higher the better, theres no harm in achieving a better result if my performance allow me to...
he then lay out the challenges he set for us, 1st learn as much as we can and he'll put everything we learn into a hands on test...
2nd achieve a CCNA cert by end of the attachment...
well honestly i dunno how i am gonna do it but i'll try...
he encourage us to ask queastions and learn as much as we can..
really i feel this is a really nice place to work and get attach to...
hopefully i can live up to the their expectation and my results..

after work, went wif norvin to drink coffee,
talk bout some serious things...
then after i went home le,
he went to do his things..

well some things we talked about includ the recent things and events that happen..
well i really hope things get settled..
she really haf the rite to noe... but its unfair to her to get hurt...
shes juz pure innocence and deserve nothing like that...
haiz... the more i think the more sian i get...

other things include norvin de personal "mess"
well hopefully things work out as well...

please lah people dun stress so much bout all this alrite...
pls dun end up like me...
zzz

anyway thats bout the end of yesterday bahx
today got to work, POST a switch and learned some troubleshooting skill,
later either going to do delivery or following engineer go SP =P
either way i dun mind....
really feel like i'm not up to standards here... hoepfully i do well and impress them bahx..=)

well other things including my personal tots i shall udate tonite,
not convinient to write now, with norvin beside me and everyone else working...

logging...
william
take care people....
hopefully wad ya say is really wad ya think and feel.. and i relaly pray when the facts are out u'll react like u say...

2008-03-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

Day 1 at IAP....
Fujitsu Asia PTE LTD
SPBU Enterprise Network Integration Division...
well the day started wif me waking really early... more like nv really slping...was thinking bout some things...
well nvm that..
well i woke up prepare.. and wore my best i ever wore in my life so far...
everything went well...
went on to haf breakfast wif my parents and sibling.. send them to sch..
and off i went to work.. raffles place...
time strikes 9am..
and i was in the office...
and guess wad...
the person was so darn surprise to see me..
first we were really early...
2nd i was in the wrong place....
damn the sch.. gave me wrong info...
mine was suppose to be at 20 Science Park 2
zzzz nvm after sorting things out... of i went wif norvin....
honestly was pretty disappointed to noe that i got post away from raffles....
zzz
but oh well i reached the place and it wasn;t too bad....
looks really nice... juz darn ulu...
waited like darn long be4 we met up wif the HR...
Cindy..
shes a really nice person.. funny also... =) kinda lighten up the enviroment.. especially wif norvin around..... u noe that bugger...
nervous or wad.. start doing stupid stunt hahaz.. like practice his "song bank" my god everyword i say he can come up a song by any artist...
zzz
okok settle the administration... LOL lots of joke around...
and got to our DIVISION...
wow got my own desk.. and my very own name on it.. =) though it had nothign else...
got to see the director and all that even my seniors were there... as partime rather then intern....
then settle down...
got our own laptops... OMG i haf nv seen any laptop in any worst standard LOL
oh well can use can le...
zzz OMG so many restriction !!!!
well first day started wif us tagging stocks .... well its somewhat relavent...
coz we'r tagging routers and all that...
and i found out SP is starting a networking course like ours.. and WOW!!! the amount they buy is insane zzzz alot more then my sch... hmmm muz go back sch complaint liao LOL
zzz well it aint easy job tagging...
zzz alot of hard work carry and all that...
but we got thru that...
lunch time.. zzz omg the place is so ulu that they got sshutter bus for lunch everyday that bring u go different place eat LOL
ate at clementi...
back to office.. more tagging and last hour my senior tell us to take a break... dun ping ming... LOL coz they only pay u 500 LOL
well then later went off... knock off le...
went down raffles meet some frens and head to eski...
and hey to u noe who u are... all my drinking buddies hahaz.. next week or the week after eski got some dance event... =) it'll be cool...!!! 1 for 1 all nite =)
i'll pass ya the details when i get hold of it...
i had 1 glass...
catch up abit wif them.. then chiong down city hall meet my classmates...
had dinner... well this group was really nice.. well compare to some 2 face people... this group is purely frens =) no second tots...
then later after dinner they head off marina square...
i went up swiss hotel.. 66th floor =P
meet my parent..
they celebrating their 20th anniversary lol they book a dunno wad room.. but the hotel found out its anniversary.. they gave free upgrade to VIP suite.. OMG its damn nice,... really damn nice...
first got balcony...see the city view.. then the place got like rooms and rooms... toliets everything LOL all seperated LOL its like a house...
and they got those mini jack daniels, sminoff and all that... damn cool...
its juz damn nice... i noe wad to do if i ever get attach and maybe on some occastion....wad to plan le...
well its juz me bah.. though i think i dun stand a chance in these bgr things... but its really no harm dreaming the things ya would do...
well if i ever find my one true love... i'll bring her to the nicest place to dine, to sight see, to walk, to feel, even to rest... i want her to see the best this curel little world can offer...
i dun belief in cannot be done.. everything can be done if u put ur heart to it...
well beside my one true love i'd really wan all my frens to see them too.. to enjoy them...
well dun care wad u think.. i'm the kind who treasures my frens really alot.. i feel their pain, their suffering when they are down.. i feel their joy when they are happy... basically understanding and putting myself in their shoes to noe them.. to be there for them...they dun need someone to juz be there... and disappear like the passing wind...rather they shld haf someone who would be there for them always... i guess different people got different thinking...

back to my story... well its juz amazing...
the room and all...
hmmm come to think of it... their 20th anniversay...
wow then.. they were about my age...
haha kinda envy them.... lol
well one day i;m gonna be like them... bring y other half to europe for honeymoon, stay and be there for her thru thick and thin...
ya noe juz thinking bout it makes me think and feel tht how much i love them... no matter wad happen between us and all... i really happy they are there for me... with me...

well thats about it i guess.. time to get to bed soon
tml chiong again =P

hahaz be4 i go.. some tots..
well... currently thinking of a number of frens... one i was suppose to meet for breakfast... but didn;;t pls i got posted else where.. its been a really long time since i see her.... hope u are well.. bleh...she dun read here de... sad... hahaz nvm next month shall jio her out for dinner...

well the 2nd person that i'm thinking about.. is my dear fren =) hey hey how are u today =)u noe who u are... hahaz well weird but true i everyday wont fail to think bout ya(and NO i;m no obsess or wad..) juz wonder how was ya day and how are ya.... ya noe like care for a person like that.. though i noe i'm juz an ousider sometimes hahaz but still cant stop people from caring rite hahaz...

well some other people include... one of my class mate... well called her wanted ti meet up and all.. and found out she had blisters and bleeding.. awww poor thing... hmmm take care alrite.. catch up soon hopefully after IAP can same class... partners =) lol

also thinking bout an unexpected fren.. well worry bout her... but well i can do nothing but worry... zz hahaz...

well there are also others whom i'm thinking and wondering about... including my bro and well those around me... if u treat u as a true fren u;ll noe who u are... =)
and hey to u guys out there,... dun feel bad if i nv state ur names hahaz.. well ya dun expect me to list out ya all as well rite LOL
well basically the people i care about u noe who u are.. the closer u are to me, the more i feel that ur a true fren... the more i care about... i dun wanna lose them.... welll i only haf a handfull of such frens and u noe who u are...
well not that the rest dun matter... juz well some are closer u noe...
damn man everytime i talk bout this i feel bad.. and everyone de face start poping into my mind zzz all the sad face saying wahhh william u good u dun care bout me zzzz omg i really think too much...

well maybe thats why i cant get to slp... always thinking bout people LOL
personal things, sch things, family things, frens thing... well everything can be sloved and i wan to solve everything... i wan to become who people will be proud of happy to be with... and proud to tell people about... i dun wan to be that failure i always had been...
zzz

hmmm something interesting my sis told me...
she said any sacred book like the bible or the teaching of buddha and all that...
well u hold the book, belief and pray... and open a random page,... chances are u'll find some enlightenment for ur prayers.. well u might say its juz ur mind.. but well its always nice to haf a special being the belief... the feeling that someone watches over u to seek relief and refuge..
yes i may be a free thinker... but i too need to turn to sumtin to clam myself... sadly i usually cant turn to anything or anyone... not that no one care.. juz i feel bad burdening my troubles to others...
anyway... i flip to a page and it says.. purification of self...
the phrase that catch me most..
is "...cause and effect..." well the others not important as of for now...
every thing has a cause and an effect...
belief that..

k lah enuff crapping le i guess everyone also tired of me le....

wif many many loves for those who i care about.. especially some of u.. u noe who u are...
noe that ur alwys in my tot, my prayer(well not really religigously but yea u noe wad i mean)
i may not be a good person, or someone who could give everything and all that...
well the only thing i can offer is a true frenship and my care and concern...

logging william
zzzz
i think i'm abit psycho today bout all this frens and feelings thingy... hopefully in the emss no one will mis understand me bahx... =)

2008-03-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

4 int he morning 2nd post of the day...
i'm feeling so damn....i dunno
too mix a feeling i dun even noe wad i feeling...
i feel anger, i feel miserable... i feel... alot of feelings...

why do damn idiots/fuckers exist int his world..
to make the life of the innocent the life of others... miserable...
do u feel joy in doing so?
first u wan to take the most dearest thing from the person...
then u demand her affections...
next u do things against ur words.. which goes to show ur motive..
followed by ur fithy actions...des[picable...
and then u treat it like nothing happen...
and wad...
u think ur gonna get away thru out ur life..
well guess again...
with those no matter how much u change to a better man...
ur will always be wad u are in histiory...
u ruined ur own life.. wif ur actions and the consequences that comes wif it...
wads worst u bring others down wif u?
i despise u... hate u... i dun care wad people say about u being a fren...
but ur actions juz goes to show u are no fren of mine...
i give u my word ur life wont be good...
u will suffer...the consequences of ur action...
repent now... and STOP making peoples life miserable...
be4 i really go insane as to by pass the person objection....
though i noe its wrong to do...
i haf no rite to make the choice for them...
no rite to make matter worst...
wad i can do.. is be there for the person...
help her overcome... help her prevent...

i pray u wake up from ur psychopathic world into the facts of the real world..
i pray that god haf mercy on ur soul for u haf put urself in the pits of hell... by ur actions...
yes i dun belief in religion...all my actions is base on right and wrong..
but still all i noe is ur wrong...wads the use...all i can do is juz vant all my anger here

is that wrong? well i feel for the people i care about...
i wish i could be there for them always...
i wish i could be the one who suffer not them...
is that wrong?
i treasure these people...
when they come to harm...
i feel their hurt...
yes u may say i noe nothing of it...
but all i say is i wish i could do sumtin... to prevent to ease... to replace...
well i hope even if after ya read this ya will still let me noe wad ya been thru if anything happen...
and no u are not a burden...
we as ur frens are the shield around u..
well do to others wad u wan others to do to u....
well not that i expect.. but i noe i feel that ya will feel the same for ur fren if the same thing happen to them...

to my dear fren...
i really pray/hope/wish... u are well...
though ya may say u are.. but i noe dep inside u feel otherwise...
u are strong i shall not deny...
that is ur strength and ur weakness...
words cant describe wad ya been thru...
but noe that we'll always be here for u alrite...
i give u my word i wont allow this to ever happen again...
and if u ever allow me to i'll put myself in the line of fire to settle this for u once and for all...
take care alrite...
seriously.... take care..
ya migth think that i think too much...
or wad.. but well i;m not exectly good with words... but thats more or less wad i feel....
wish for ur happiness, may u stya happy always, and always protected from all this harm ever...
take care alrite...
i dunno wad to say... but ya noe how i think and feel alrite... i;m sure u do...

ur fren always
william

2008-03-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

lalalalalala

well another days pass...
nothing much happen so far...
well friday went sing ktv wif my sis and my uncle and aunt..
then err.. also nothing much actuclly
today... slack slack slack...
till evening went for dinner wif some frens..

then thats about it i guess...
looking forward to attachment...
hopefully all goes well...

very sian lately...
people are mostly busy and all...
some are leaving for long long time...will miss ya...
and march.. i;m so broke... april come quick...
and got to psycho myself to learn driving liao... else the PDL like waste sia

hmmm kinda haf a brief memory of wad happen last nite...
well i did haf a little drink... okie maybe a little more then wad i shld haf had...
i seriously hope i didn;t spill some things out...
btu keep having this feeling that i did...
well i pray not... and no point asking the person...
its juz make it more obvious...

well moods been improving... a little...
but stilll
hmmm kept thinking bout some things
well yes ya might say it doesn;t concern me and i got no rite to make things worst..
but still i juz cant stand the feeling of being able to do nothing...
well shes got the rite to noe..
everyone shld noe...shld haf the rite to see the true face of some people...

well i guess its mostly juz tots for me bahx

do hope things improve and karma befall on the asshole...

hmmm well miss some of my frens though.. they all busy working working...
well dun overwork ya =)
catch up soon...

some thigns to look forward to...
IAP, my fren de project, FTT, hmmm start learning driving..
save.. buying johnny walker...wad else?
thats about it ?

well was doing some blog reading...
found wake de blog.. FINALLY...
read some of my frens blog and all that...

hmmm damn suddenly forget wad i wanted to say....

well i shall shut up here...
logging william

2008-02-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

Honestly if Blogger was working yesterday i wopuld haf had a long string of non stop verbal assalt...
zzz was damn pissed off yesterday...
damn angry.. basically no words can describe it...
zzz

nvm be4 i even get to that...
a little update...
went ot a frens chalet, something like a class gathering..
well most things were fine i guess..
first off we went wild wild wet.. play like mad...
then went swimming..
lol did 6 laps there...
then went back bbq till nite...
drinking game...
i went home to get more drinks..
and we got casualty after that.. =P
told ya my drinks can kill...

well we also went red house..
nothing much actuclly
went in walk walk...
cant feel anything... no feeling of any harmful being around or anything;
basically juz an abandon hosue..
though my more sensitive fren did hear an extra footstep..
might be wrong...
then went back ton thru the nite...
had a little chat wif a fren...
honestly i wasnl;t in a good mood then...
seriously if u were me u would haf feel the same..
juz cant do anything...
if i could i would haf...
next day check out i decided to walk my dead body home...
till then i couldn't slp keep thinking bout it...

nvm thats about it for the 2 days..

honestly some tots...
why did i give up for some one like him?
why? why did the other party had to pick him?
to think that the person was a 2 face bastard...
i mean being cheeky is one thing but daring to do wad ya joke about.. to offend another person really seriously?
this kind of people deserve death...
deserve the arms of the law...
deserve justice to be done...
zzz but wads done is done...
plus zzz as an outsider.. i guess i got nothing to say...
i'm juz so not happy bout all this...
i cant write no details here...
well to my fren i really hope things get better and things can be put behind.... and wont happen again...
if it does happen again...
u noe there are people who are on ur side rdy to stand up for u...
u noe who they are...

honstly nice people dun last, dun exist, cant provide or give..
zzz nvm dun feel like writing le./..

i pray the other party wake up her senses....
dun wan the other party to get hurt in the process...
and i pray that justice be done...
he deserve punishment... no less...
i;m juz speechless...
i pray things get better...
i'm sick of all this asshole wreaking havoc le.. 2 strikes already.. the third i;m gonna take actions into my own hands...

i juz dunno wad to say, wad to do.. and i juz cant sit and do nothing...
screw it... no point being nice
juz give wad people deserve do wad i like when i like...

logging...
william

i'm gonna be a different person... not that i want to but is the enviroment that made me so...
juz wanna go slp... dun wann asay anything at all...
take care u all...

2008-02-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

back to post again....

well moods improving...
a little bout wad happen yesterday?
well monday, lets see wad i did for monday... slack... woke up pretty late
had another dream... nitemare... this time i was stab horribly by a friend...
pray hard its not true...
feel real though....

well nothing much actuclly...
went gym wif my uncle...
and guess where?
LOL KK women and children hospital...
the staff de gym LOL
he snack me in

well facility is pretty good...
no body also...
tot him wad i noe about gyming
and did chest work out wif him...
well targeted top pec, mid pac and lower pac...
overall worked it all out...
then head airport for dinner and den had a little supper at simpang..
then head back...

then back home wad chatting wif a fren... a fren that well thinking back.. i knew her out of accident LOL
though started same classs it hink...
but then after many weird things we got to noe each other pretty well
and in current situation.. LOL she dun regard me stranger =P
least thats wad she say hahaha
well shes one of the people i cared about around me =)
the rest u noe who u are with out me mentioning..
i'll always spare a tot for all of ya... everyday...
how are u? how ya day? basically remembring them, cherishing them even if we dun see each other...
hmmm ya noe its nice to noe there are people who really cared bout ya, they nag a little, but hey that little made me feel alot better sometimes hahaz

anyway today woke up pretty early..
went to meet kanwei(wake) for breakfast at KAP(king alberts park)
near my sch..
and there was this staff there very cute..!!
lol shes new there i think....
well she left an impression on me hahaz...
i walk up.. ordered sausage mcmaffin wif egg..
she repeat my order but then mumbled and lost track of the words LOL
she was then giggling to the person teaching her...
then she ask me meal? i tot she say meow? LOL laughed...
its nice to meet this kind of thing early morning.. kinda made ya day a little ont he brighter side
cute fellow wif a very cute voice =P

then ehad sch for IAP breifing..
did the portfolio for it... and all that,...
and OMGH no leave for personal engagement...
wad happen to my FTT liddat?
heng my LO is nice enuff to ask me check wif the supervisor...
pray hard all is fine.. else muz learn from my dear fren liao...
MC loh!!
lol will ask ya teach me =P

after that.. i went to meet my dear fren for lunch... wads better than spending the afternoon wif my dear fren for lunch especially when shes gonna leave so soon le...
we had sushi teh... then had NYDC then walked around... then head over to take buss back ehr place pick up some things.. then head bedok... me juz tag along!! =P
talked to her bout lots of things... well shes one of the few people i really enjoyign talking to =)
hahaz another compliment!!! muz feel honored wor!!
sometime talking to ehr made me realise sopme foolish things thats troubling me... lol
and hey i'll spend my 6 six thinking thoroughly de wont unnecessarily think about my last resort..the price to pay the things to give up is abit too much for me to give...
alot actuclly...

well hey and one more thing dun worry the next time ya go for it... i noe ya can make it out perfect score de =)
very confident in ya... lol the tot of ya leaving is sometime really saddening..
but hey remember take care of yaself there and dun forget us hor!!
we'll await ya return de.. then we party like mad okie...

got home..
then did some cardio workout...
then back here...

hmm be4 i end.. i little things to remind myself...
next month is really tight.. please consider some ways to do budgeting..
lol hmmm i think for attachment i shall not use concession...
1.50 x 20 is 30.. and mrt concession is like 45.....
thats if i work at raffles..
well some things to rememeber to take note...
fren bithday tml... then friday kbox session wif my family..(oh my first time leh)
then next monday start attachment...(yay can meet eva be4 work at aroudn there)
now is muz tong until my allowance come and my pay come...
april will be a very good month for me...
3k + 1.2k(bonus for result) + additional 500
thats 4.7k for april, may and june
plus working attachment... so shld be less going out...
but i really hope to haf enuff to hang out wif my frens next week be4 i go for attachment or be4 they all leave for wadever they need to do.. long or short...
DUN WORRY!!
i will find ways de.. theres no such thing as no money dun hang out de...
hehe time ti chase debt from people liao!! JKJK
=P well i feel bad doing that...
wont do it unless really needed to....
and hey to my dear fren... DUN WORRY BOUT IT!!! and dun feel bad also...
trust ya so dun worry bout it... i dun wan see ya work till mad and tire urself out becoz of all this thing... health is always important...

last be4 i go... gonna rely on my dad abit in the coming month...
my apology and my appreciation...
though to him he will say its okie.. but i noe sometims its not..
and though yes he say he lend a sum of money from me, i dun considered it lend, its my duty to give.... plus family... my money is their money =) wads better then benefiting the whole...
love ya =) always...

logging
william

2008-02-24T11:31:00.001-08:00

3.33am again...
same stime zzz

well not in the best of mood today, alot of things dun feel like writing here...
exams is over more slack le,, but all the more meaningless life gets...
had a nitemare today... when i slpt in the morning...
dream of me dieing really horribly...
kinda like hunted down...
felt like i;ve seen it be4 but i cant recall...
well my frens where in it too... but dun worry they weren;t the one being hunted...
cant really remember.. i dun wanna remember either...
did nothing much today.. rotted...
juz sat quietly infron to my com.. staring... l;istening music.. and more staring...
thinking...

then went my grandparent place...
its lovely to see everyone again...
and well for the first time i seen my baby cousin talk non-stop...
damn cute..
well on my way i was talking to my dad bout some things.. we alwyas talk...
well some things i didn;t quite agree...
and same old things, people will use their age to tell u that u seen nothing yet...
so why muz i be hold down by wad people gone thru?
wad if i chose to belief something more.. want to achieve more...
wads the point of living when everything u do is juz gonna end up the same...
why muz people tell me wad i can do and wad i cant...
yes io noe i;m useless and hopeless adever ya wanna call me...
i got nothing to give nothing to be really proud of...
wasn;t good enuff in the first place.. thats why she left.. least thats wad i concluded...
but still i'm trying to forge my own life here...no matter how impossible...
i feel i can do it.. but who do people insist that it cant be done?
the more they tell me the less i feel motivated.. to do anything at all..
if wad i do is gonna end up the same.. no matter how much i try..
or even if i go else where...
if its all the same then wads the point...
everything i psycho myself to think positive something like this happen...
and the fact that life has not much of a meaning comes back to me...
the main reason why i;m alive right now is becoz of respobsibility, my family and frens.. the people around me.. without them i;d probably end it long ago...
waste of genes...
WAD AM I ACTUCLLY HERE FOR???

for today.. i aint gonan care bout wad i am suppose to psycho myself...
juz not in the mood...
somethings i;m juz so sick of it...

i think i'll end here...
logging...

no matter my mood... its still juz me...
its not about any of u... and it wont affect any of u...
its juz me.. i've got issues alrite...
feel like juz banging my head so hard on the wall and knock myself out tonite...
and no damn ice to make no drink... its gonna be a long nite....

pray tml be a birghter better day,....

feel damn useless... all i noe is to whin here...i haf to think of sumtin to solve all this be4 it gets out of hand... or be4 everyone around me starts to isolate me...
i juz hate losing people and juz hate being alone... the feeling juz sucks

ignore me juz wan to rant everything out... to make my feel better...i'll be fine...

2008-02-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today i almost died.....
lets juz say if i juz took one more step... juz one more i would haf died...
at that moment.. well it wasn;t fear or flash of my life coming to me...
its felt more like... embarrassment... in front of everyone...
well i dun noe why,.. but the idea of me dieing like that juz kinda doesn't hit me at all...
like wad my fren say... "u wan die also dun die in front of me mah"
lol at that moment i tot if i had died, its not grieve or wad.. more like guilt.. i caused the person who drove the car to live a life of guilt? thank goodness i didn;t

enuff that..
well went to sch early study and all.. then head over for exams..
that was when i almost died while crossing the road...
was thinking deep in tots.. kinda moody then...
and i didn't notice...

okok my fault...

went for exam..
it was okie i hope...
manage to noe most of the things..
came out... got held up in sch...
then after that went for dinner wif my frens...
went holland village..
wah that group is getting more indecisive more and more...
zzz take damn long to decide things...
we had crystal jade...
well it was late liao so we decided to go meet up another group...
me, zw, nor, wake, yw, ly, weili, jason and xijia i think..
we went to catch L change the world...
pretty nice show i'd say...
made me think of some things... and the things that almost happen to me
well imagine u noe ur gonna die...
and u got limited days left...
wad u gonna do?
well the part that caught me most was.. the end when he said in his heart to watari,
that he wanted to live juz a little bit longer....
well he wrote his own name in the deathnote coz he expected kira to write it...

well everyone here noes that death is imminent...
can happen anytime...
we noe we'r all dead man walking.. but still we dun cherish the things we haf..
the topic death is pretty touchy... can be view positively and negatively...
live and death juz makes no difference...
well wad u think?

ok after that...
we went party world do some singing..
well this is where i feel like why the hell didn;t i study hard for my mother tongue back in sec sch..
well i love singing.. sadly i cant sing for nuts..
no looks to assist it either..
voice is horrible..
and my chinese is cannot make it...
i trying now to learn as many song or word as i can hahaz...

then after that went supper and home.. i didn;t eat.. i rationed..

then thats about it today....

FINALLY EXAM OVER!!!
next big thing is my attachment.. 5-6months...
wah gonna be no life le...
well gonna take this oppotunity to change myself...
both physically, mental and even emotionally...
forceing and surpressing myself from all my tots...
surpressing them so that it wont affect the people around me...
and try to be as positive as i can, or juz at least look like it...
well... i'm really sick of some jokes, comments, and insult i get from people...
well i noe i am that.. all the things ya said.. so be it...
sick of it...
theres a limit to things... well sometimes i try to play along wif u... but i'd appreciate if u control...

well i guess thats about it..

do wad is needed, wad is rite...
and give up on the things that i noe i probably wont be getting in life...
i'm juz meant to be alone... and there to assist people...
wad importantance am i to anyone?beside my family or so i think?

logging william
saw a gal in library today who look damn like my dear fren...
look damn alike..
...

people around me is getting sick of me and my crap...
but i juz cant help it...
but i'm changing...
looking for motivation...someone pls motivate me...

2008-02-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

time.. 3.33am... wow nice...
anyway same thing again.. aint slping... zzz
i think after my exam i better learn to catch some slp... else by the time my attachment comes i die...
anyway...
today.. woke up pretty early...
slpt pretty well the nite be4...
not many time i get to enjoy that..
ok.. woke up.. chiong down.. meet my fren at clementi,
went o buy toto...
well its my first time.. kinda made a fool of myself but hack... thx to my idiot fren.. purposely..
nvm i shall save the details to myself..

then head down to sch...
studied and talk cock with them...zw,nor,rh and kl
while studying got to find out something..
guess wad i recieved an email from sch regarding IAP(industrial attachment)
well i got FUJITSU ASIA...
i'm there as a network engineer assistence..
500 dollar 5 day a week 8.30 to 5.30
well i'm pretty okie wif the distance least its closer than sch..
then i found out something.. wah my fren kanwei damn sway...
he got IBM.. but.... at changi
he live at bukit panjang...
LOL good luck...
gonna attend a briefing on monday...
well today i'm feeling pretty positive...
told myself be4 i slpt last nite that i wan to change...
and i woke up wif an open mind...
feeling good. i'm looking forward to things and surpressing wadever unhappy tots i harbour in me...
i shall do my best even if in the end i still am meaningless and useless.. but least i tried..
well later will be my last paper for this sem le.. all the best... really hope to make it
after that,... its time to shred myself..
well lets use this 6 months attachment as a plan..
by end of it.. i shall make myself lean and mean..
for this once i'm gonna do something for myself..

hmmm besides that.. was talking to my sec sch teacher on msn,
well update her on how i've been and all..a little catching up =)
hahaz well she encourage me with some of the stories regarding her frens in the navy and all..
well as we all grow up we tend to understand things a little better than be4, learning from our mistakes and all..
well thinking back...
i was really a failure then not that i'm any different now but now at least i'm a little better...
hahaz if only i had realize the facts of life then..
i think life would haf turned out different..
for good and bad..
well cant say that now actuclly... coz we'r still learning...nv will stop..
some people till now their thinking and mindset and concept is still all wrong.. and over the place, believing wad they feel and belief now to be the rite choice the true thing to do.. but is it?
if i am not certain...
how could one say to another my life revolve around u??
well if u say that.. think again.. is that obsession, or are u desperate in possesion of her/him?
did ur tots blind ur actions cozing grave consequences that not even u or even god can erase..
honestly i'm still doing alot of mistakes.. that i still think i shldn;t haf... though not grave or wad..
but still... i muz keep my tots clear and my action firm... do wad i believe and of coz logically it haf to be the rite choice... i cant afford to pull the people around me down with me juz be coz a spur of the moment cause me to think things all over the place and say things i didn;t wan or mean..
well maybe wad my fren said bout me was rite.. i'm juz not emotionally strong...
but hey i'm learning ;)
hopefully one day i will become wad people will be proud of... a better self...

i think i'll end here today..
be4 i go...well at the moment.. thinking of some people, some frens and all...
its okie if they are silent in my life... the fact that i take effort in remembering them and thinking of them.. i shld be happy with myself..

take care people..
pray for me...
wish me all the best...

william

2008-02-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

lalala... i'm back.. missed me?
nah i doubt so....

hmmm well back at home, been away for the past 3 days
celebrated my dear fren de birthday..
well be4 we get to that..

hmmm monday... went ot sch,... didn't slp much... went sch study...
then went in for exam le
i was done in like 40 min out of 2h...
and guess wad the teacher dun let me go...
oh well... sat there burn time...
finally out,...
saw my other classmates and hmmm...
they seem to be like disappointed with the paper...
for me...
i cat say i will do very well..
but then i think i sure can make it...
i shall not hope too much but pray i make it...
theory... its either u noe or u dun...
simple as that.....
now that this is cleared time to worry bout friday paper..

BUT!!!
first... head over my dear fren de chalet there...!!
its her bithday today(i mean that day)
and as u noe, birthday is a once year year every year thing...
its not everyyear u turn the age u are... dun worry not hinting anything.. but still i mean..
its a very special day to the person mah...
even as her frens... its always nice to be there for ur frens for good and bad...
let them noe they are appreciated by u... let them noe they are there for u, and etc etc u noe wad i mean =)

well be4 we get to that.. a little bout the prezzie i prepared...
well i still think i could haf come up with something better...
but then.. i noe she likes some things and i try to forcus on those..
well some might say i'm a bad influence... buit well up to u all..
well i was the only one there who gave her liquor...
bought her jack daniels and together with a greeting card i got separately and of coz added a little surprise and all juz to make it even more special other then picking it myself...
hmmm and also the packaging..
well i at first wanted to get her soft toy.. or a mini one to add to the jack daniels... but then i remember her saying she haf alot and her mum aint gonna be please if she got even more hahaz
and plus i dun really noe which one she haf or dun haf..
so i styaed with the jack daniels idea... then wanted to wrap it in a winnie the pooh wrapper but then it looks kinda weird... so at last..
i end up wif wad i had..
i wrote some notes and nice greetings in the card, and took some time to brush up my pencil skill and drew a pooh bear pic to the card...
hopefully she likes that...hahaz coz well i aint beri good at present but well if i get present for people i wan them to noe that i put my heart to making, getting and even giving =)
really hope she likes it...

okok back to topic..
k off i went... down to the chalet..
stayed there slack play and bbq...
oh not forgeting the non-stop gambling that i lot everything and even owe people LOL
lots and lots of bbqing.. but not much of the drinking as i expected..
oh and absolute pear is abit weird in the taste and hard to put wif mixers..
but the bottle looks nice!!
=P

lol first nite alot of gambling!!!
hahaz... and a little unwanted heated encounter...
well cant blame my him.. but still i think that temper needs some tending too..
i'm sure when his in his normal mood, he'll understand but then at that moment,
well i didn't quite agree with the way it turned out..
but still let the matter rest and not make it any bigger then it is le...
well something i personally dun like is to..tio fire by people when all u did was gave a tot and concern and even care to the person...well my apology if we disturbed u, but we juz tot ya working tml then its best to haf a proper bed and all.. and the floor is rather cold and all that..
well anyway now that the matter its at rest le.. lets put it aside,

well the first nite, didn;t slp at all!!
ton thru it.. well upstairs is occupied..
talking bout that.. wahhh!!! u people good loh... suppose the plan was the birthday gal got one room and a big big bed to herself in the end u all occupy!!! LOL
so i ton thru the nite talking with her,
ya noe i kinda feel like a patient and shes the psychiatrist trying to talk sense to my already senseless life...
lol but still i really appreciate that, thank you!!

next day early morning, decided to call mac....
packed up abit, ate and start waking people and all this time round carefully...
and finally everyones up... those got thing de left le, then left few of us.. they chiong mahjiong while i slack around...
then later at one point i decided to go wif edmund go swimming...
nice weather and all..
and while we'r there we also talked and get to noe each other a little better
all the best wif ur plans for the future ya, if its NDU u wan.. Go for it!!!!if ya get in i think i'd see u more often next time le lol

then after that went back.. evening le, started fire and started cooking and all...
2nd nite more gambling...
i ton untill; like really late le, really cmi le... then decided to go up slp...
then well as usually i had a really hard time sleeping...
toss and turn... everywhere i turn i close my eyes i see things i dun wanna see...
think of things i wanna juz leave aside...
like feel very congeted inside cant slp...
toss and turned till few hours later, where javier came in... he also slping le...
he can really fall aslp fast LOL
manage to dooze off after a long while
next day i woke up like zombie...
then after everything we all headed back to our daily lives le...
time for me to chiong my study for the last paper

got home on my com oh shit... my sibling or somebody touched it and wreak havoc on it...
its filled with spyware, worm virus and trojan... everything...
zzzz
time to lock everything down..
thank goodness my files are alrite....

hmmm i guess that shld be all for now...

a little side note...
well though things didn;t go as well as u wanted it to...
least it worked out fine =)
and i really enjoyed myself...
so dun feel unhappy bout it le alrite...
its ur special day and i really hope u feel special then, noeing all ur frens truely are wishing ya =)
thinking bout ya and all that...
take care see ya soon...

logging
william

the heart feels sour when u say a lie to protect urself or ur own privacy.. or juz ur selfish tot of preserving ur own image....but when wad ever ya lied is true.. ya did wad u said u didn;t.. everytime ur heart will juz feel sour the moment ya say it..i noe its not my fault.. but still... i could haf not let it happen... guilty...

2008-02-17T02:52:00.000-08:00

update....17th feburary...

well more like update on wad happen yesterday ?
hmmm well yesterday started off pretty low... hmmm once again.. slp really really late and woke up really really late...
went down to my bros place.. attend his family de party =)
it was rather nice i would say, food, drink and it was really nice to see everyone
we played games, ate and talk...
then slowly they all started going home.. in the end i decided to stay there for the night...
well some things surprisingly happened.. sms my fren then next moment she invited me over her place for dinner... well it was rather surprising... i mean out of the blue.. till now i dunno why..
hmm but sadly i couldn't juz leave my bro.. =) had to turn her down..feel kinda bad though...

well that night i also talked to my dear fren.. well.. from juz simple talk become like me whinning bout my miserable life... haiz.. maybe i shld haf juz kept my tots to myself? i mean it aint nice to everytime talk to people and in the end i'm like talking all about me...
but still really appreciate my fren hearing me out... ya noe, i'm really glad ya came that time.. its really a blessing to haf noe ya.

well after that i kinda stayed up and watch a movie wif my bro then went to bed..
was talking to him bout some thing.. again.. he fell asleep..
well oh well cant blame him.. being tired and all... but i kinda really dun like it when people juz suddenly cut off or dose or or even ignore ya when ya talking... hmm its a sign.. i shld juz shut my gap....

well talking to my frens and all kinda makes me wonder some things...
gues i was never meant to be in all this things.. and well i'm meant to juz live off my life alone..
well things certainly look this way..
firstly i was never good enuff for anything, anyone, not even myself...
no matter how hard i try.. or did i?
was never good enuf.. even when people tell u ur good and all that.. mostly only said that to juz make u feel better but the fact is it could haf been better..
well i guess without the people around me i wouldn;t even got this far..
honestly i cant find a reason for me to live for myself.. i want to.. but then.. nvm its juz damn confusing..
used to do everything for her..
well give everything and all that.. but then unlike wad people tell me it didn;t turn out good..
hahaz crap.. here i go again.. nvm i think ya all noe the story liao so zzz

theres juz so many things i want to noe i wan to understand... why...

i shld juz throw all this aside for now...
hmmm even after i graduate.. i'd probably live my life in solitary out to sea and back and over and over again..
well lets hope it doesn;t let me down..
hopefully its like wad they say... else i really dunno wad am i living for already..

a point to take note to myself...
i shld watch myself more carefully.. and not influence the people around me with wad i think nd feel...its not fair to them... i shldn;t be spoiling their day and all...
i shld be wad i always haf been..cheerful and positiive no matter wad i feel and wad i am going thru...at all time..

zz dun feel like eating dinner...
guess i'll log here...
looking forward to tml.. it will be a brighter day...or will it?

logging
william...

next time round ya wont see me like that le i give u my word...
=D smile always..

oh i almost forgot.. in a few hours it would be my dear fren de birthday.. looking forward ya.. heres a very happy birthday to u in advance.. and juz to let u noe i got ur prezzie all prepared le.. hope u will like it...

2008-02-15T14:51:00.000-08:00

back to whine bout my miserable life...
well todays issue we cover the exciting day of 15th of Feb..
started wif me cant slp till 8 in the morning.. took a short nap and then pack my things and out i went wif my parents.
pick up my sis to go holland village
shes gonna sign her internship there with some rather famouse person in the design world..
giving up her slot in Arizona..
well after that i went all the way to old tampines road there at around covent mrt..
=P been o long sinc ei came here..
this time round..
i bought 2 jack daniels, 1 Ice Wine, 1 grey goose vodka and 2 mini remi martin for my mum(she kinda like the small small miniture de)
guess how much was it?
259 dollars
well sounds like opening 1 or 2 in the pup rite?
well told ya i got my place to find such things..
next round i'm targeting the whole set of johnny walker(red,green, black, gold and last but not least blue) well something i learn.. technically the color represent the color of the drink.. its rather true..
talking bout that.. guess how much is a absolute disco case only cost?
lol my bro bought me at around 39 in duty free.. i think... if i not wrong..
now that its not in production anymore and its last year de thing le, the case itself is worth 100 sing...
my god!
lol okok back to topic, after getting all the johnny walker, i'm aimming for all the additional things like rum, gin, triple sec, bols... and well after that i guess i can start making cocktails once i get all the glass...

zz i noe i noe ya all say i alcoholic.. but wadever...

well after that i went to meet north and becozz(janice?)
met them at suntec coffeebean... opps wrong.. it was star bucks...
but i walk the whole suntec theres 3 starbucks...
LOL
ok we had lunch at hong kong cafe.. then head to coffee bean study abit.. but mostly talk bout our miserable love lifes and wad happen in poly.. LOL well its gonna become a trilogy soon LOL
okok stayed there all the way till 11 plus and then walk around then decided watch movie.. watched jumper.. rather interesting nice show.. imagine ur traditional witch hunt wif a twist..
pretty nice show to watch.. if only i could jump as well jump as in teleport...
i'll jump out of my miserable lowlife...

then ate at makan sultra then sat at the riverside.. talk bout our miserable love life again..
then walked around.. and vice versa...
well thru out.. at most point.. i felt a little extra though yes yes theres nothing going on between them...
juz well the topic they haf in common i kinda not up to their standard LOL
and well maybe its juz my voice.. everytime or most time i talked i seem to be ignored...
well doesn;t matter.. =P least all in all it was rather okie..
ya noe i shld juz shut up and listen.. i listen better then i talk...
i open my mouth nothing good comes out...

well sadly even though i said yesterday it was the last day i whine bout all this,.. i still did today..
hahaz it sux having to remember things...
oh well life goes on...
at some point.. i really wanted to juz find people to talk but then i cant get any.. the people that come to mind.. while i feel bad or some other reason i felt like i shldn;t pester them..

its juz so unfair sometimes.. life..
oh well i guess my lifes like that..
everypassing day, my life affect that major decision i'm gonna make soon in the coming years... even though might seem far.. but hey yesterday iw as a baby and look at me now...
if i am to be a provider and live a lonely life.. might as well bring it to the global level..
to all of u who hang in the mouth the life and career of a soldier..
is a career of no future.. yes i understand.. ya migth say ya earn more.. ya dun need people with experience wif guns in the working world..
but when the comfortable world u live in crumbles to crisis..
dun whine to them asking them to save u...
not everyone live life for cash...
some live for power, some live for thrill.. some live for the sake of living and some for a greater cause...
so if i choose to soldier my life away... i expect u to respect that decision and shut ur gap...
one day when it is u who hang in the balance..
dun pray to wadever god u belief to ask him to save u.. coz it was u who took life for granted...
to those sons of bitches(my apology but i juz feel its suitable in this context) who think they rule other peopels life... who thinks their tots is those of them around them..who dominate others and think it was their rite... well guess wad i for one detest people like u... if i catch u doing harm to the people i care about pray hard i dun break ur fithy being to simple substance...wad ever u think ur rite.. in ur sick little mind.. u better think twice and think thru be4 u do something to anyone...u noe deep inside wad u did.. and u will i swear on it live with it for the rest of ur fithy life...god haf mercy on ur soul...

as for me i paid my price.. and i will accept the consequences in time to come.. and god shall haf no mercy for me for i see myself in the fires of hell...repent and u are saved? i beg to differ... i belief for one.. that when one repent it doesn't take the consequence and guilt away.. it juz lighten ur heart and u will still suffer for ur actions.. but accepting it with no regrets...

so think thru be4 doing wadever u think ur gonna do...i'm watching u...
touch the people i cared about and u will regret ur born...

take care
logging william...

2008-02-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

hmmm 3am again in the morning...
haben slp, dun feel like, cant slp...
my fren demand i go see a doc about it, but i nv really like anything to do with doc...
he say an injection can solve all...
zzz
okie i shall force myself to slp...after this....

noticed a few things..
1. i'm updating overly efficient...
kinda bad at some point...

okok enuff that..

anyway.. once more.. its happy valentines day =)
well though in my previous post i go on about how i dread it and all..
it wasn;t all bad...
a time to show love compassion and cherish the people around u...
well as for me my initial plans was to lock myself at home...
well decided to go to sch to accompany some of my classmate to study...
well aint that bad i guess.. least i could still give my company to another person who wans it..
studied.. from like say 2 all the way till 8
then went down holland village...
well one of them wanted to take the nite off...
so we went holland village de eski..
saw alan there.. and the other gal i cant remember the name..
well as usual i had a graveyard.. been awhile..
and boston ice tea...
i shall skip wad my frens drink.. though eski mojo looks pretty cool wif all the lime and pepermint..

had some fun...
we were in the cold room and well..
talking bout dance..
my my dear fren zw..he demostrated the Melbourne shuffle, the running man and a little of the sea dance..
and my other dear fren norvin did all the RnB dance he learned back in sec sch in the dance club..
had pretty much fun there.. then after that went out.. had a little light dinner...
and mind u graveyard be4 dinner is horrible..
well at that moment.. kinda did something i told myself i wont do it again...
zzz well wad goes wif drinking..?
smoke.. zz well one of them bought a hmm how do u spell that..? nvm.. sumtin ice mint..
well shared wif him..and i noe its bad and all.. and i will not say i'm under influence of alcohol..
and i noe my best fren dun like that..
and i assure u.. i wont do it like everyday.. even my fren dun do it like everyday..
well it juz feels good together wif drinking..
how do u explain that.. erm.. heck nvm... i'm not a good boy alrite.. think wadever u like...
still i cant juz keep wadever i do in me.. keeping one dark secret is bad enuff.. and that one major one is enuff..
so think wad ever u like and if u think i'm wrong.. i ask for ur forgiveness and well i wont pick it up i assure u...

why do i explain myself so much..? well coz i dun wan people to think wrong of me...
but still wad can i do...

then after that went home..

well some tots of today,...
read the newpaper.. and one journalist.. kinda got me on my bad side..
it was about the death of singapores orang utan..
well the way she say it.. makes me feel that shes inhuman..
fine human beings themself has their troubles and flaws.. but still showing affection to a ape is still not wrong.. she did not ask to be treated this way..
so pls be4 u go round critizing it or the people who cried for her..
please give it a second tot and pls juz haf a heart and lay off...

other things.. well valentines day wad do u see everywhere.. couples roses and all..
well some unique dates i seen was a cycling date, very interesting..
well still kinda agitating botu all this but hey dun mind me all u love birds juz carry on.. i got my own issues..

its pretty sweet to see everyone like that.. but this 2 edge sword has its down side..
well all the more i see the more the past came to me..
hahaz.. weird thing.. something my fren told me..
when i told him bout my ex..and my dream the other day,.. dun worry no dirty dream....
well he told me why not date her back..
but hahaz i told him the situation.. and i noe it wont happen..
but then deep inside,.. i tot if only.. hahaz..
well i guess u juz cant cut off ur feelings for someone u cared about so easily?
so love is a very strong emotion.. but many mistaken it wif lust..
the want of owning her.. and all that sort..
love is a feeling where u cared for someone.. like wad my fren said.. its mostly seen in romance movie and novel
but still i belief in everyones heart they yearn for that moment..
and well maybe different from wad u read.. but sometimes its juz the little things that he/she does for u..
its hard to grow to hate someone u cared about u loved..
no matter how u dispose of him/her..
but still if he/she is abusive and takes advantage of u.. screw that.. it better u get a safe distance.. coz thats lust in the action..

enuff bout love.. be it frens love or family or even r/s
the more i talk bout it..the more i yearn for the special someone..
though i doubt that will happen.. treat it like retribution bah hahaz..nvm dun ask why

hmmm something else..
well.. i notice i'm beginning to get down again..
zzz tsk.. blame this useless brain of mine..
well i'd be fine.. not that anyone will care, lol well ur down like most of ur time people juz get used to u..
hahaz
well soemthing i learned.. my life is my own..
i cant expect people to entertain me always..
they haf their own..
i sat there staring into the ceiling
late at nite.. wanting to find someone to talk but then.. theres no one there..
people that came to my mind.. i wanted to sms them..
but then.. decided not to.. i shln;t disturb anyone wif wad i am or wad i go thru..
unfair to them..
lol got to learn to grow up and stand on my own coz the simple fact is no one is there for u.. absolutely no one.. in most case u end up ur own..
but then contradicting wad i say.. i really enjoy helping the people around me..
hahaz..

lol lastly on my way back on the train.. hahz pas redhill and queenstown.. i stare out the whole train.. hoping for a miracle but it didn;t happen.. hahaz
well rite now this instance i tell myself.. its gonna be the last of it... its time i move on seriously...

lol ya noe i shld juz stop updating.. coz i'm seriously wasting peoples time..
zz not that anyone will read..
but still juz need to leave everything away and start new... in this recent weeks i've already said the wrong things, react the wrong way.. well i dunno.. but feel like its beginning to cost the people around me...

then all the more i get time when i seriously feel alone..
talk to people and i get the i dun feel like talking..i geuss people got bad mood?
or worst no reply at all.. i wonder why..kinda miss some frens already.. no word.. not even when i initiate it..

well eevrything aside... time to do well for my exams.. so wad if people around me dun wan me anymore..
i still lives.. not that i can end my life anyway..
i shall juz go about wad i need to do.. and leave everyone alone.. if thats wad they wan... i'm sure they are glad of the peace they get hahaz..

logging william...

" There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...

They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Mrs Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one they put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.

Now we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die."

Epiphany - Sweeney Todd

tml will be a better day.. i assure u and i will be better.. else u wont see me again...
tot about the decision i will be making after my 10 years in service. wad will it be like, leaving everything behind.. everything.. for at least 6 year or maybe for the rest of my life... my frens, my family.. my everything.. will people finally cherish me? or wil they even care? i got 10 years to think.. and think i will..
lets try sumtin.. today shall be the last day of feeling down sad and feeling depress... tml will be a better day,.. or i'l force it.. swallowing everything bad in me and nv letting them out ever again i assure u... now someone pls juz let me noe i;m appreciated....

2008-02-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

lalalala 3.10pm
3 hours 10 min into valentines day,
a day where couples go out and haf the sweetest day..
where the guys find the gers of their dream,
the gers getting pampered wif flowers and gift.
lots of movie dates,
dinner dates..
basically a rather excitement filled day.
not forget ur frens too..
but well in most case frens are wif bf and gf..

honestly nothing personal..
i kinda dread this day..
but although i love the idea of sweet young love..
but well its more of a love hate thing..
the thing i love most is the thing i hated most..
well lets see wads my programme for today...
trn a blind eye to the world,
go to sch sudy my ass off..
and probably go drink my liver dead..
well a classmate of mine told me this..
he hates only this years valentines day..
well hsi nv attach or wad, but then i kinda still figuring out why..
wad else...hmmm
basically nothing much bahx...

well to all u gers out there.. may u get lots of flowers today =)
and well everyone juz try and cherish the moment and the people...
take a while off ur sweet romanic time and juz spend a little time and remember all ur frens.

i guess i'll end here...
honestly i'm kinda miserable the position i'm in...
hating somthing and at the same time telling myself not to..
ya noe one day i juz sit there and coast out the world.. and well the world goes on unoticed..
suddenly something pop up... someones asking me a problem, or a favour basically wad i can give..
but hey i'm not trying to say everyone is ingrate or wad...
and it would be selfish of me to keep everyone by me rite..
everyones got their own life...
i'm still searching mine..
but honestly it does make me feel alot better noeing i could help the peo[ple around me...
least someone as useless as i am could be of some use.. thats something to be happy about.
well i guess this is the path i walk the path i chose..
forge ahead for my future for myself and myself only...
grateful in noeing the people on the way.. cherish and remembering them...
well i haf a blurred vision of where i'll end up in the next 10 years and 20 years..
not exectly a happy sight but at least its not a horrible one..

logging..
william
Love is Friendship set on Fire....
how true is that.. that spark to fire up a emotion so strong that it binds people together...
however if it didn't go well.. it would burn everything u ever build it on...

2008-02-12T00:46:00.000-08:00

its another boring day.. and omg i juz woke up..
dead in the afternoon....
well couldn;t help it.. slpt rather really "early" ytd..
was suppose to wake up at 8 or sumtin...
but then sumtin held me back...
and i didn;t want to wake up at all...
well its the second time in a row...
that i dreamed bout sumtin..
they say u will dream when ur mind is thinking bout sumtin alot...
well maybe..
last nite i dreamed of her,
well it was CNY, she suddenly came to my place gave me a card with her hand written note,
saying knowing me was the best thing that happened in her life and that leaving me was the greatest mistake she ever done..
it all felt so real..
i tot it was real..
until the moment i open my eyes.. and remembered some things..
1, she dun like CNY,
2, wadever she said in the dream wont happen in real life..
3, leaving me was probably the greatest relief?
well that juz sux...i juz wanted to go back to slp back to that dream again...
hahaz... oh well wads the used.. its all in the past...funny thing i've let go.. but it clings onto me..

well the day be4 ytd, i had another dream...
i dreamed of my close frens, and their bf,
and well we kinda went shopping...
and the only thing i remembered..
was i wa busy choosing wad to buy, and well they kinda got bored and annoyed..
the bf was sitting outside, and the gf juz left me and entertain him...
well the bf doesn;t like me to begin wif.. LOL
then i juz woke up.. actuclly i'm glad i did...

anyway i think i'll end here today..
got to study le..
take care...
oh and a sidenot, to my dear fren, the second dream is not u and him LOL
i noe it sounds similar hahaz

william

everywhere i turn, everyone i talked to they are all dead busy....