-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Sunday, May 24, 2009
lately i let my temper get the better side of me alot of time...
i guess my temper isn't exectly very good. i get pissed of with people quite easily.. its juz most of the time i keep telling myself its not worth blowing my head for..
for instance i get pissed off with people who when lesson being taught, dun focus and pay attention and when test come all desperately come ask this and that.. and wad makes me more pissed of is.. i can nv turn down a plea, it irritate me if i cant help the person out 100%, but in a short time to teach them things is like almost impossible... and this kinda things always makes me feel people is taking me for granted lol.
so far bmt is quickly coming towards the end, another milestone of my life is coming to an end soon, the entire week i'm damn sick and shag... went for alot of important lesson. such as range and chemical defense etc, its all quite fun and quite and experience. fun not exactly easy though lol. as for my range, my theory and my IMT was almost perfect but my live range i screwed up =(.. haiz.. history repeats. back in ncc it was like that too.
weee i lost weigth again =) damn happy...
enuff bout those...
ytd when i book out was suppose to meet my bunk people for sushi...
they say met 3pm, the lot of them came at close to 5...
i happily jio my dear fren for lunch wait for them till i sianz...
coz i meeting martin and grp at 7.
in the end i meet my bunk people but i nv eat , then i head over meet martin and grp for dinner. after dinner, they psycho me to watch NATM2, jio my dear fren along.
its a very nice show =) sweet too. looking at some scene i kinda had some self tot.
lately this months got alot of nice show to watch. =)
in a few moment gonna go bookin le, wonder wads in stall this week.
been sick and still sick but hopefully heal by tml, coz i really dun wan get status.
but if its needed i'll go see the MO, else my dear fren will kill me and ignore me liao LOL.
hahaz ya noe, i noetice throughout alot of my post i always talk about my dear fren. sometimes i wonder wad will life be without her. shes like the one i rant to, talk to, hang out. she hears me out every night in camp, the one i meet for meals when i book out. juz wanna say a very big thank you! =) dunno wad i'll do without u =D
going o0ff le
william
2:43 AM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
blogging again even though at thwe moment my head is practically spinning like mad....
will try to ton till 6.,30 to wakie wakie my dear fren up for work, wonmt wan her to be late for work will i?
anyqway todsay is the day to book in after a long weekend.. witch sucks.... honestly who like to get screwed in camp rite? but for me i look forward.. not tjat i'm sadistic.. juz sometimes being outside i feel alone... thank goodness today for the fun we had drinking to our hearts content. i thank my dear fren for spending time with me. with all her problems i wish i could do moe but as a very good fren i can only be around to render support as and when she needs it. =) i'll always loook out ya back alrite. had a joplly good time toiday... zzz damn hard to type when ur finger aren;t responding wad the brain ask it to do.. but oh well make do... drank like mad...
as always i always had things walled up in my heart.. dun care wad others think about them,.. i juz feel good letting loose after a good nite of drinking... drinks bring people tgt. letting the inner self talk... but too much can harm....
to my dear fren who noes me so well.. she noes i'm always going thru allt his crap and nitemare.. but she noes i always handle them so well not affecting my daily life. i'm juz glad shes always or mostly around for me. shes like a girlfren without all the relationship liabilities, someone who cares for me like she care for a family. i really appreciate that. juz remember to take good care of urself alrite. =)
honestly if ur missing from my life. i'll feel like my life juz lost anothe big piece. =) hope u noe wad ipm talkng about.. i noe u definately noe wad i;m talking about even without me saying.
=)
take care and meet up again.
many thx to my bunk mates too =) see ya all 2045 later.
william.
miserable, but feeling great now, with a really good fren around him.
2:32 PM
Friday, May 08, 2009
080509 long weekend again
back home again, evening plan all canceled... kinda suxs...
lately been suffering from very bad saw throat and cough.
mood kinda going down by the day also. although mentally pressing very hard to garang.
every passing day, i seem to be getting more and more alone.
seems to me like slowly i'm like left out of everyone.
cant really blame anyone or anything, everyone got their on commitment.
i cant expect them to stand by me thru my life rite.
but looking at where i stand now i really wonder, wad i done so far in my life,
wad and where i stand among my peers. am i really wad they tell me or am i something else.?
ya noe my phonebook is getting lesser and lesser, and worst, the majority of them no long contact me anyway. lol kinda sad eh?
then even in camp, i'm good with everyone but how close am i to them. even my buddy.
yes, i haf my click, but its like we'r juz enjoying each others empty company.
i wonder, is there something wrong with my attitude? sometimes i juz feel so alone, i prefer to be left alone, watching things go by around me. seeing everyone making their calls everynite, where i juz stare into my phone wonder who can i call.
whats the point of becoming fit,strong, street smart, wise when everything is juz myself only rite? hahaz all this seems to be negative self talk/tots. in a lesson i had lately regarding stress its a symtom, now i ask, am i stress? i dun think so.. well all this been inside me for a long time, juz so far able to get away from them.
it always come back to find me. sometimes i juz think of my future.
zzz enuff with all this negative tots.
a little bit on the things i been thru.
first aid, lots of test paper. and not to forget, a talk by commander regarding the navy day incident, not exectly a big thing but the things he brought up made me thinking alot. its about personal responsibility, personal best, pride. i do agree with wad he mention, if u step in to the parade u dun fall out. if u are not well dun participate. if u wan in, u see it thru. its like in war or in mission, once ur in u finish it by hook or by crook. but then i believe we shld not comprimise safety too. so far all my training i haf been pushing although most of the time get fucked for things i did not do. i only fall out once, and it sucks, everyone look at me like i'm useless or chao geng. its sucks..
well i'm not exectly in a good mood... but not saying its bad...
juz i suddenly feeling shutting myself to myself only..
i'll end here..
back to rotting alone listening to music...
william
aircon spoil..... sucks
8:11 AM
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
050509 Tuesday
Today is Navy Day, so we get to booked out around 1200h, in the morning,things were pretty relax, everyone was busy with things, while we recruits won't involve in anything. well its not exactly a bad thing but then, i kinda wonder its the navy day and we are also part of the navy although we have not finish our BMT. In the afternoon, there were suppose to be games, by the time we march there it was almost halfway. Best thing, we got to stand there by the side watching, luckily they allowed us to sit later on, after not long we were asked to march back, they wanted to let us out earlier. woohoo...honestly lately mood hasn't been very good. alot of things kinda irritated me, some people really pisses me off. i really hate people who comment so much and complain so much but is incapable of doing things. they say it like as if things are so easily done, but when asked to do it or take charge all their balls dropped. and when forced to do things, they do it like crap. hoenstly its becoz of them i got saw throat every fucking week. losing my voice everyday. i wake up every morning with a throat so dry so painful. yes i noe i have the experience to lead to time to do things, but hey i'm human, everyone is human, i cant sustain it 24/7 for everyday....only people who been in the IC position understands wad i'm saying... so if any of u here is reading... if u dun wanna take charge, least u can do is make it a little easier for the people taking charge, do things quietly and properly and not forgetting fast. if u think theres a better way to do things, suggest it up nicely. not swear at the person in front.!
enuff with that...
today although booked up, i end up being alone again. well cant blame anyone though, its a weekday and everyone is working. but it kinda sucks.. =P damn man sometime i really wish i got someone to be by my side when i need them, someone who thinks about me not only when they need me. maybe i juz need some company.. lately my dear fren also been a little strange, i wonder is she alrite? well dunno why, but when i called her, i hear her, i can tell shes like super tired, sounds like not juz physically tired but like troubled by things. i hope things work out, and if ya need i'll be here for ya alrite. dun worry bout troubling me alrite, wad are frens for rite, plus to me ur somewhat an important fren to me, so ur problems is my problems okie. last but not least dun overwork urself okie, knowing ya, when ur stressed out, bored or even troubled u tend to juz chiong work. we shld go haf coffee or sumtin or even dessert! its been a long while. well even though i'm in camp, i do spend some time and tot thinking bout my frens. be it they do the same for me or not =D thats juz me.
talking bout frens i wonder hows my poly mates doing. kinda miss them already. 3 years of close proximity, now suddenly i'm like so far from them. i miss those days when we fight, haf fun or even game tgt. dun forget me guys, we shld hang out sometimes in the weekend alrite! F6 plus the gals =)
gonna cherish the last few hours here relax in aircon and music, now listening to love story by taylor swift. gonna go study for basic trainfire package later. for tml paper.
gonna end here.
feeling damn lonely... =S
william.
3:25 AM
Sunday, May 03, 2009
back after 2 weekend confinement, cant say those 3 weeks pass very fast, but still its over....
wanted to enjoy this weekend as much as i can, but then now its almost time to book in, i kinda wonder, did i enjoy it that much? feels kinda sucks...
but still had some good time, first thing i came out i went to eat with my dear fren, she was kind enuff to fetch me straight from tenah merah, hahaz, thank you! wish every week book out she come fetch me. then we head over east coast eat sushi teh, we juz spam all the good food there. =D its okie, once in a long while. then the night we went drinking, well the drinking could haf gone better, its okie, i promise the next one will be better. i'll rest myself well enuff to drink to hearts content with ya.
other than that nothing much really happen this weekend. no one was really free to pei me also. sat morning, went to meet derrick, my senior in njd, to pick up our graduation attire. hang out and ate at cine, then play lan, haben had so much fun for a while now. miss those days when i was under them in njd, where we haf fun and train hard tgt. one day we shld all meet up again, the marks, derrick and me =D
honestly i feel like crap now.. damn sianzzzzz, home alone... sucks man...
lately been thinking alot of things also, regarding my decision on taking my current profession, regarding the things that happened to me, regarding my situations now.
sometimes i really wonder how much am i worth to the people around me. hahaz. been trying to talk to her, but as usual always busy, kinda makes me wonder... wads the point in commiting into things when in the end ur forgotten. hahaz as usual, the only thing to say is MOve on.... not that i;m sad or wad.. it juz amaze me how much people can change when their surrounding, or priority change. one moment ur the most important thing to them, next ur juz yesterday.
hahaz damn man, i miss all my frens, poly and sec. all the good times we had. =P its so true time waits for no one. well now its all about how to go on from where i am.
every choice has a consequences, a price to pay, sumtin to give and take. things will forever keep changing as we grow up.
well take care people. another week in the stuck in camp... lucky me, next week tuesday half day due to navy day, then sat holiday so i presume fri night book out.
then following week wed i graduation so can book out again.
after that no more book out, and i calculated, POP around 20th june. a somewhat long way to go.
william
2:02 AM