-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Honestly if Blogger was working yesterday i wopuld haf had a long string of non stop verbal assalt...
zzz was damn pissed off yesterday...
damn angry.. basically no words can describe it...
zzz
nvm be4 i even get to that...
a little update...
went ot a frens chalet, something like a class gathering..
well most things were fine i guess..
first off we went wild wild wet.. play like mad...
then went swimming..
lol did 6 laps there...
then went back bbq till nite...
drinking game...
i went home to get more drinks..
and we got casualty after that.. =P
told ya my drinks can kill...
well we also went red house..
nothing much actuclly
went in walk walk...
cant feel anything... no feeling of any harmful being around or anything;
basically juz an abandon hosue..
though my more sensitive fren did hear an extra footstep..
might be wrong...
then went back ton thru the nite...
had a little chat wif a fren...
honestly i wasnl;t in a good mood then...
seriously if u were me u would haf feel the same..
juz cant do anything...
if i could i would haf...
next day check out i decided to walk my dead body home...
till then i couldn't slp keep thinking bout it...
nvm thats about it for the 2 days..
honestly some tots...
why did i give up for some one like him?
why? why did the other party had to pick him?
to think that the person was a 2 face bastard...
i mean being cheeky is one thing but daring to do wad ya joke about.. to offend another person really seriously?
this kind of people deserve death...
deserve the arms of the law...
deserve justice to be done...
zzz but wads done is done...
plus zzz as an outsider.. i guess i got nothing to say...
i'm juz so not happy bout all this...
i cant write no details here...
well to my fren i really hope things get better and things can be put behind.... and wont happen again...
if it does happen again...
u noe there are people who are on ur side rdy to stand up for u...
u noe who they are...
honstly nice people dun last, dun exist, cant provide or give..
zzz nvm dun feel like writing le./..
i pray the other party wake up her senses....
dun wan the other party to get hurt in the process...
and i pray that justice be done...
he deserve punishment... no less...
i;m juz speechless...
i pray things get better...
i'm sick of all this asshole wreaking havoc le.. 2 strikes already.. the third i;m gonna take actions into my own hands...
i juz dunno wad to say, wad to do.. and i juz cant sit and do nothing...
screw it... no point being nice
juz give wad people deserve do wad i like when i like...
logging...
william
i'm gonna be a different person... not that i want to but is the enviroment that made me so...
juz wanna go slp... dun wann asay anything at all...
take care u all...
10:13 AM
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
back to post again....
well moods improving...
a little bout wad happen yesterday?
well monday, lets see wad i did for monday... slack... woke up pretty late
had another dream... nitemare... this time i was stab horribly by a friend...
pray hard its not true...
feel real though....
well nothing much actuclly...
went gym wif my uncle...
and guess where?
LOL KK women and children hospital...
the staff de gym LOL
he snack me in
well facility is pretty good...
no body also...
tot him wad i noe about gyming
and did chest work out wif him...
well targeted top pec, mid pac and lower pac...
overall worked it all out...
then head airport for dinner and den had a little supper at simpang..
then head back...
then back home wad chatting wif a fren... a fren that well thinking back.. i knew her out of accident LOL
though started same classs it hink...
but then after many weird things we got to noe each other pretty well
and in current situation.. LOL she dun regard me stranger =P
least thats wad she say hahaha
well shes one of the people i cared about around me =)
the rest u noe who u are with out me mentioning..
i'll always spare a tot for all of ya... everyday...
how are u? how ya day? basically remembring them, cherishing them even if we dun see each other...
hmmm ya noe its nice to noe there are people who really cared bout ya, they nag a little, but hey that little made me feel alot better sometimes hahaz
anyway today woke up pretty early..
went to meet kanwei(wake) for breakfast at KAP(king alberts park)
near my sch..
and there was this staff there very cute..!!
lol shes new there i think....
well she left an impression on me hahaz...
i walk up.. ordered sausage mcmaffin wif egg..
she repeat my order but then mumbled and lost track of the words LOL
she was then giggling to the person teaching her...
then she ask me meal? i tot she say meow? LOL laughed...
its nice to meet this kind of thing early morning.. kinda made ya day a little ont he brighter side
cute fellow wif a very cute voice =P
then ehad sch for IAP breifing..
did the portfolio for it... and all that,...
and OMGH no leave for personal engagement...
wad happen to my FTT liddat?
heng my LO is nice enuff to ask me check wif the supervisor...
pray hard all is fine.. else muz learn from my dear fren liao...
MC loh!!
lol will ask ya teach me =P
after that.. i went to meet my dear fren for lunch... wads better than spending the afternoon wif my dear fren for lunch especially when shes gonna leave so soon le...
we had sushi teh... then had NYDC then walked around... then head over to take buss back ehr place pick up some things.. then head bedok... me juz tag along!! =P
talked to her bout lots of things... well shes one of the few people i really enjoyign talking to =)
hahaz another compliment!!! muz feel honored wor!!
sometime talking to ehr made me realise sopme foolish things thats troubling me... lol
and hey i'll spend my 6 six thinking thoroughly de wont unnecessarily think about my last resort..the price to pay the things to give up is abit too much for me to give...
alot actuclly...
well hey and one more thing dun worry the next time ya go for it... i noe ya can make it out perfect score de =)
very confident in ya... lol the tot of ya leaving is sometime really saddening..
but hey remember take care of yaself there and dun forget us hor!!
we'll await ya return de.. then we party like mad okie...
got home..
then did some cardio workout...
then back here...
hmm be4 i end.. i little things to remind myself...
next month is really tight.. please consider some ways to do budgeting..
lol hmmm i think for attachment i shall not use concession...
1.50 x 20 is 30.. and mrt concession is like 45.....
thats if i work at raffles..
well some things to rememeber to take note...
fren bithday tml... then friday kbox session wif my family..(oh my first time leh)
then next monday start attachment...(yay can meet eva be4 work at aroudn there)
now is muz tong until my allowance come and my pay come...
april will be a very good month for me...
3k + 1.2k(bonus for result) + additional 500
thats 4.7k for april, may and june
plus working attachment... so shld be less going out...
but i really hope to haf enuff to hang out wif my frens next week be4 i go for attachment or be4 they all leave for wadever they need to do.. long or short...
DUN WORRY!!
i will find ways de.. theres no such thing as no money dun hang out de...
hehe time ti chase debt from people liao!! JKJK
=P well i feel bad doing that...
wont do it unless really needed to....
and hey to my dear fren... DUN WORRY BOUT IT!!! and dun feel bad also...
trust ya so dun worry bout it... i dun wan see ya work till mad and tire urself out becoz of all this thing... health is always important...
last be4 i go... gonna rely on my dad abit in the coming month...
my apology and my appreciation...
though to him he will say its okie.. but i noe sometims its not..
and though yes he say he lend a sum of money from me, i dun considered it lend, its my duty to give.... plus family... my money is their money =) wads better then benefiting the whole...
love ya =) always...
logging
william
7:27 AM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
3.33am again...
same stime zzz
well not in the best of mood today, alot of things dun feel like writing here...
exams is over more slack le,, but all the more meaningless life gets...
had a nitemare today... when i slpt in the morning...
dream of me dieing really horribly...
kinda like hunted down...
felt like i;ve seen it be4 but i cant recall...
well my frens where in it too... but dun worry they weren;t the one being hunted...
cant really remember.. i dun wanna remember either...
did nothing much today.. rotted...
juz sat quietly infron to my com.. staring... l;istening music.. and more staring...
thinking...
then went my grandparent place...
its lovely to see everyone again...
and well for the first time i seen my baby cousin talk non-stop...
damn cute..
well on my way i was talking to my dad bout some things.. we alwyas talk...
well some things i didn;t quite agree...
and same old things, people will use their age to tell u that u seen nothing yet...
so why muz i be hold down by wad people gone thru?
wad if i chose to belief something more.. want to achieve more...
wads the point of living when everything u do is juz gonna end up the same...
why muz people tell me wad i can do and wad i cant...
yes io noe i;m useless and hopeless adever ya wanna call me...
i got nothing to give nothing to be really proud of...
wasn;t good enuff in the first place.. thats why she left.. least thats wad i concluded...
but still i'm trying to forge my own life here...no matter how impossible...
i feel i can do it.. but who do people insist that it cant be done?
the more they tell me the less i feel motivated.. to do anything at all..
if wad i do is gonna end up the same.. no matter how much i try..
or even if i go else where...
if its all the same then wads the point...
everything i psycho myself to think positive something like this happen...
and the fact that life has not much of a meaning comes back to me...
the main reason why i;m alive right now is becoz of respobsibility, my family and frens.. the people around me.. without them i;d probably end it long ago...
waste of genes...
WAD AM I ACTUCLLY HERE FOR???
for today.. i aint gonan care bout wad i am suppose to psycho myself...
juz not in the mood...
somethings i;m juz so sick of it...
i think i'll end here...
logging...
no matter my mood... its still juz me...
its not about any of u... and it wont affect any of u...
its juz me.. i've got issues alrite...
feel like juz banging my head so hard on the wall and knock myself out tonite...
and no damn ice to make no drink... its gonna be a long nite....
pray tml be a birghter better day,....
feel damn useless... all i noe is to whin here...i haf to think of sumtin to solve all this be4 it gets out of hand... or be4 everyone around me starts to isolate me...
i juz hate losing people and juz hate being alone... the feeling juz sucks
ignore me juz wan to rant everything out... to make my feel better...i'll be fine...
11:31 AM
Friday, February 22, 2008
Today i almost died.....
lets juz say if i juz took one more step... juz one more i would haf died...
at that moment.. well it wasn;t fear or flash of my life coming to me...
its felt more like... embarrassment... in front of everyone...
well i dun noe why,.. but the idea of me dieing like that juz kinda doesn't hit me at all...
like wad my fren say... "u wan die also dun die in front of me mah"
lol at that moment i tot if i had died, its not grieve or wad.. more like guilt.. i caused the person who drove the car to live a life of guilt? thank goodness i didn;t
enuff that..
well went to sch early study and all.. then head over for exams..
that was when i almost died while crossing the road...
was thinking deep in tots.. kinda moody then...
and i didn't notice...
okok my fault...
went for exam..
it was okie i hope...
manage to noe most of the things..
came out... got held up in sch...
then after that went for dinner wif my frens...
went holland village..
wah that group is getting more indecisive more and more...
zzz take damn long to decide things...
we had crystal jade...
well it was late liao so we decided to go meet up another group...
me, zw, nor, wake, yw, ly, weili, jason and xijia i think..
we went to catch L change the world...
pretty nice show i'd say...
made me think of some things... and the things that almost happen to me
well imagine u noe ur gonna die...
and u got limited days left...
wad u gonna do?
well the part that caught me most was.. the end when he said in his heart to watari,
that he wanted to live juz a little bit longer....
well he wrote his own name in the deathnote coz he expected kira to write it...
well everyone here noes that death is imminent...
can happen anytime...
we noe we'r all dead man walking.. but still we dun cherish the things we haf..
the topic death is pretty touchy... can be view positively and negatively...
live and death juz makes no difference...
well wad u think?
ok after that...
we went party world do some singing..
well this is where i feel like why the hell didn;t i study hard for my mother tongue back in sec sch..
well i love singing.. sadly i cant sing for nuts..
no looks to assist it either..
voice is horrible..
and my chinese is cannot make it...
i trying now to learn as many song or word as i can hahaz...
then after that went supper and home.. i didn;t eat.. i rationed..
then thats about it today....
FINALLY EXAM OVER!!!
next big thing is my attachment.. 5-6months...
wah gonna be no life le...
well gonna take this oppotunity to change myself...
both physically, mental and even emotionally...
forceing and surpressing myself from all my tots...
surpressing them so that it wont affect the people around me...
and try to be as positive as i can, or juz at least look like it...
well... i'm really sick of some jokes, comments, and insult i get from people...
well i noe i am that.. all the things ya said.. so be it...
sick of it...
theres a limit to things... well sometimes i try to play along wif u... but i'd appreciate if u control...
well i guess thats about it..
do wad is needed, wad is rite...
and give up on the things that i noe i probably wont be getting in life...
i'm juz meant to be alone... and there to assist people...
wad importantance am i to anyone?beside my family or so i think?
logging william
saw a gal in library today who look damn like my dear fren...
look damn alike..
...
people around me is getting sick of me and my crap...
but i juz cant help it...
but i'm changing...
looking for motivation...someone pls motivate me...
10:32 AM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
time.. 3.33am... wow nice...
anyway same thing again.. aint slping... zzz
i think after my exam i better learn to catch some slp... else by the time my attachment comes i die...
anyway...
today.. woke up pretty early...
slpt pretty well the nite be4...
not many time i get to enjoy that..
ok.. woke up.. chiong down.. meet my fren at clementi,
went o buy toto...
well its my first time.. kinda made a fool of myself but hack... thx to my idiot fren.. purposely..
nvm i shall save the details to myself..
then head down to sch...
studied and talk cock with them...zw,nor,rh and kl
while studying got to find out something..
guess wad i recieved an email from sch regarding IAP(industrial attachment)
well i got FUJITSU ASIA...
i'm there as a network engineer assistence..
500 dollar 5 day a week 8.30 to 5.30
well i'm pretty okie wif the distance least its closer than sch..
then i found out something.. wah my fren kanwei damn sway...
he got IBM.. but.... at changi
he live at bukit panjang...
LOL good luck...
gonna attend a briefing on monday...
well today i'm feeling pretty positive...
told myself be4 i slpt last nite that i wan to change...
and i woke up wif an open mind...
feeling good. i'm looking forward to things and surpressing wadever unhappy tots i harbour in me...
i shall do my best even if in the end i still am meaningless and useless.. but least i tried..
well later will be my last paper for this sem le.. all the best... really hope to make it
after that,... its time to shred myself..
well lets use this 6 months attachment as a plan..
by end of it.. i shall make myself lean and mean..
for this once i'm gonna do something for myself..
hmmm besides that.. was talking to my sec sch teacher on msn,
well update her on how i've been and all..a little catching up =)
hahaz well she encourage me with some of the stories regarding her frens in the navy and all..
well as we all grow up we tend to understand things a little better than be4, learning from our mistakes and all..
well thinking back...
i was really a failure then not that i'm any different now but now at least i'm a little better...
hahaz if only i had realize the facts of life then..
i think life would haf turned out different..
for good and bad..
well cant say that now actuclly... coz we'r still learning...nv will stop..
some people till now their thinking and mindset and concept is still all wrong.. and over the place, believing wad they feel and belief now to be the rite choice the true thing to do.. but is it?
if i am not certain...
how could one say to another my life revolve around u??
well if u say that.. think again.. is that obsession, or are u desperate in possesion of her/him?
did ur tots blind ur actions cozing grave consequences that not even u or even god can erase..
honestly i'm still doing alot of mistakes.. that i still think i shldn;t haf... though not grave or wad..
but still... i muz keep my tots clear and my action firm... do wad i believe and of coz logically it haf to be the rite choice... i cant afford to pull the people around me down with me juz be coz a spur of the moment cause me to think things all over the place and say things i didn;t wan or mean..
well maybe wad my fren said bout me was rite.. i'm juz not emotionally strong...
but hey i'm learning ;)
hopefully one day i will become wad people will be proud of... a better self...
i think i'll end here today..
be4 i go...well at the moment.. thinking of some people, some frens and all...
its okie if they are silent in my life... the fact that i take effort in remembering them and thinking of them.. i shld be happy with myself..
take care people..
pray for me...
wish me all the best...
william
11:31 AM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
lalala... i'm back.. missed me?
nah i doubt so....
hmmm well back at home, been away for the past 3 days
celebrated my dear fren de birthday..
well be4 we get to that..
hmmm monday... went ot sch,... didn't slp much... went sch study...
then went in for exam le
i was done in like 40 min out of 2h...
and guess wad the teacher dun let me go...
oh well... sat there burn time...
finally out,...
saw my other classmates and hmmm...
they seem to be like disappointed with the paper...
for me...
i cat say i will do very well..
but then i think i sure can make it...
i shall not hope too much but pray i make it...
theory... its either u noe or u dun...
simple as that.....
now that this is cleared time to worry bout friday paper..
BUT!!!
first... head over my dear fren de chalet there...!!
its her bithday today(i mean that day)
and as u noe, birthday is a once year year every year thing...
its not everyyear u turn the age u are... dun worry not hinting anything.. but still i mean..
its a very special day to the person mah...
even as her frens... its always nice to be there for ur frens for good and bad...
let them noe they are appreciated by u... let them noe they are there for u, and etc etc u noe wad i mean =)
well be4 we get to that.. a little bout the prezzie i prepared...
well i still think i could haf come up with something better...
but then.. i noe she likes some things and i try to forcus on those..
well some might say i'm a bad influence... buit well up to u all..
well i was the only one there who gave her liquor...
bought her jack daniels and together with a greeting card i got separately and of coz added a little surprise and all juz to make it even more special other then picking it myself...
hmmm and also the packaging..
well i at first wanted to get her soft toy.. or a mini one to add to the jack daniels... but then i remember her saying she haf alot and her mum aint gonna be please if she got even more hahaz
and plus i dun really noe which one she haf or dun haf..
so i styaed with the jack daniels idea... then wanted to wrap it in a winnie the pooh wrapper but then it looks kinda weird... so at last..
i end up wif wad i had..
i wrote some notes and nice greetings in the card, and took some time to brush up my pencil skill and drew a pooh bear pic to the card...
hopefully she likes that...hahaz coz well i aint beri good at present but well if i get present for people i wan them to noe that i put my heart to making, getting and even giving =)
really hope she likes it...
okok back to topic..
k off i went... down to the chalet..
stayed there slack play and bbq...
oh not forgeting the non-stop gambling that i lot everything and even owe people LOL
lots and lots of bbqing.. but not much of the drinking as i expected..
oh and absolute pear is abit weird in the taste and hard to put wif mixers..
but the bottle looks nice!!
=P
lol first nite alot of gambling!!!
hahaz... and a little unwanted heated encounter...
well cant blame my him.. but still i think that temper needs some tending too..
i'm sure when his in his normal mood, he'll understand but then at that moment,
well i didn't quite agree with the way it turned out..
but still let the matter rest and not make it any bigger then it is le...
well something i personally dun like is to..tio fire by people when all u did was gave a tot and concern and even care to the person...well my apology if we disturbed u, but we juz tot ya working tml then its best to haf a proper bed and all.. and the floor is rather cold and all that..
well anyway now that the matter its at rest le.. lets put it aside,
well the first nite, didn;t slp at all!!
ton thru it.. well upstairs is occupied..
talking bout that.. wahhh!!! u people good loh... suppose the plan was the birthday gal got one room and a big big bed to herself in the end u all occupy!!! LOL
so i ton thru the nite talking with her,
ya noe i kinda feel like a patient and shes the psychiatrist trying to talk sense to my already senseless life...
lol but still i really appreciate that, thank you!!
next day early morning, decided to call mac....
packed up abit, ate and start waking people and all this time round carefully...
and finally everyones up... those got thing de left le, then left few of us.. they chiong mahjiong while i slack around...
then later at one point i decided to go wif edmund go swimming...
nice weather and all..
and while we'r there we also talked and get to noe each other a little better
all the best wif ur plans for the future ya, if its NDU u wan.. Go for it!!!!if ya get in i think i'd see u more often next time le lol
then after that went back.. evening le, started fire and started cooking and all...
2nd nite more gambling...
i ton untill; like really late le, really cmi le... then decided to go up slp...
then well as usually i had a really hard time sleeping...
toss and turn... everywhere i turn i close my eyes i see things i dun wanna see...
think of things i wanna juz leave aside...
like feel very congeted inside cant slp...
toss and turned till few hours later, where javier came in... he also slping le...
he can really fall aslp fast LOL
manage to dooze off after a long while
next day i woke up like zombie...
then after everything we all headed back to our daily lives le...
time for me to chiong my study for the last paper
got home on my com oh shit... my sibling or somebody touched it and wreak havoc on it...
its filled with spyware, worm virus and trojan... everything...
zzzz
time to lock everything down..
thank goodness my files are alrite....
hmmm i guess that shld be all for now...
a little side note...
well though things didn;t go as well as u wanted it to...
least it worked out fine =)
and i really enjoyed myself...
so dun feel unhappy bout it le alrite...
its ur special day and i really hope u feel special then, noeing all ur frens truely are wishing ya =)
thinking bout ya and all that...
take care see ya soon...
logging
william
the heart feels sour when u say a lie to protect urself or ur own privacy.. or juz ur selfish tot of preserving ur own image....but when wad ever ya lied is true.. ya did wad u said u didn;t.. everytime ur heart will juz feel sour the moment ya say it..i noe its not my fault.. but still... i could haf not let it happen... guilty...
8:39 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
update....17th feburary...
well more like update on wad happen yesterday ?
hmmm well yesterday started off pretty low... hmmm once again.. slp really really late and woke up really really late...
went down to my bros place.. attend his family de party =)
it was rather nice i would say, food, drink and it was really nice to see everyone
we played games, ate and talk...
then slowly they all started going home.. in the end i decided to stay there for the night...
well some things surprisingly happened.. sms my fren then next moment she invited me over her place for dinner... well it was rather surprising... i mean out of the blue.. till now i dunno why..
hmm but sadly i couldn't juz leave my bro.. =) had to turn her down..feel kinda bad though...
well that night i also talked to my dear fren.. well.. from juz simple talk become like me whinning bout my miserable life... haiz.. maybe i shld haf juz kept my tots to myself? i mean it aint nice to everytime talk to people and in the end i'm like talking all about me...
but still really appreciate my fren hearing me out... ya noe, i'm really glad ya came that time.. its really a blessing to haf noe ya.
well after that i kinda stayed up and watch a movie wif my bro then went to bed..
was talking to him bout some thing.. again.. he fell asleep..
well oh well cant blame him.. being tired and all... but i kinda really dun like it when people juz suddenly cut off or dose or or even ignore ya when ya talking... hmm its a sign.. i shld juz shut my gap....
well talking to my frens and all kinda makes me wonder some things...
gues i was never meant to be in all this things.. and well i'm meant to juz live off my life alone..
well things certainly look this way..
firstly i was never good enuff for anything, anyone, not even myself...
no matter how hard i try.. or did i?
was never good enuf.. even when people tell u ur good and all that.. mostly only said that to juz make u feel better but the fact is it could haf been better..
well i guess without the people around me i wouldn;t even got this far..
honestly i cant find a reason for me to live for myself.. i want to.. but then.. nvm its juz damn confusing..
used to do everything for her..
well give everything and all that.. but then unlike wad people tell me it didn;t turn out good..
hahaz crap.. here i go again.. nvm i think ya all noe the story liao so zzz
theres juz so many things i want to noe i wan to understand... why...
i shld juz throw all this aside for now...
hmmm even after i graduate.. i'd probably live my life in solitary out to sea and back and over and over again..
well lets hope it doesn;t let me down..
hopefully its like wad they say... else i really dunno wad am i living for already..
a point to take note to myself...
i shld watch myself more carefully.. and not influence the people around me with wad i think nd feel...its not fair to them... i shldn;t be spoiling their day and all...
i shld be wad i always haf been..cheerful and positiive no matter wad i feel and wad i am going thru...at all time..
zz dun feel like eating dinner...
guess i'll log here...
looking forward to tml.. it will be a brighter day...or will it?
logging
william...
next time round ya wont see me like that le i give u my word...
=D smile always..
oh i almost forgot.. in a few hours it would be my dear fren de birthday.. looking forward ya.. heres a very happy birthday to u in advance.. and juz to let u noe i got ur prezzie all prepared le.. hope u will like it...
2:52 AM
Friday, February 15, 2008
back to whine bout my miserable life...
well todays issue we cover the exciting day of 15th of Feb..
started wif me cant slp till 8 in the morning.. took a short nap and then pack my things and out i went wif my parents.
pick up my sis to go holland village
shes gonna sign her internship there with some rather famouse person in the design world..
giving up her slot in Arizona..
well after that i went all the way to old tampines road there at around covent mrt..
=P been o long sinc ei came here..
this time round..
i bought 2 jack daniels, 1 Ice Wine, 1 grey goose vodka and 2 mini remi martin for my mum(she kinda like the small small miniture de)
guess how much was it?
259 dollars
well sounds like opening 1 or 2 in the pup rite?
well told ya i got my place to find such things..
next round i'm targeting the whole set of johnny walker(red,green, black, gold and last but not least blue) well something i learn.. technically the color represent the color of the drink.. its rather true..
talking bout that.. guess how much is a absolute disco case only cost?
lol my bro bought me at around 39 in duty free.. i think... if i not wrong..
now that its not in production anymore and its last year de thing le, the case itself is worth 100 sing...
my god!
lol okok back to topic, after getting all the johnny walker, i'm aimming for all the additional things like rum, gin, triple sec, bols... and well after that i guess i can start making cocktails once i get all the glass...
zz i noe i noe ya all say i alcoholic.. but wadever...
well after that i went to meet north and becozz(janice?)
met them at suntec coffeebean... opps wrong.. it was star bucks...
but i walk the whole suntec theres 3 starbucks...
LOL
ok we had lunch at hong kong cafe.. then head to coffee bean study abit.. but mostly talk bout our miserable love lifes and wad happen in poly.. LOL well its gonna become a trilogy soon LOL
okok stayed there all the way till 11 plus and then walk around then decided watch movie.. watched jumper.. rather interesting nice show.. imagine ur traditional witch hunt wif a twist..
pretty nice show to watch.. if only i could jump as well jump as in teleport...
i'll jump out of my miserable lowlife...
then ate at makan sultra then sat at the riverside.. talk bout our miserable love life again..
then walked around.. and vice versa...
well thru out.. at most point.. i felt a little extra though yes yes theres nothing going on between them...
juz well the topic they haf in common i kinda not up to their standard LOL
and well maybe its juz my voice.. everytime or most time i talked i seem to be ignored...
well doesn;t matter.. =P least all in all it was rather okie..
ya noe i shld juz shut up and listen.. i listen better then i talk...
i open my mouth nothing good comes out...
well sadly even though i said yesterday it was the last day i whine bout all this,.. i still did today..
hahaz it sux having to remember things...
oh well life goes on...
at some point.. i really wanted to juz find people to talk but then i cant get any.. the people that come to mind.. while i feel bad or some other reason i felt like i shldn;t pester them..
its juz so unfair sometimes.. life..
oh well i guess my lifes like that..
everypassing day, my life affect that major decision i'm gonna make soon in the coming years... even though might seem far.. but hey yesterday iw as a baby and look at me now...
if i am to be a provider and live a lonely life.. might as well bring it to the global level..
to all of u who hang in the mouth the life and career of a soldier..
is a career of no future.. yes i understand.. ya migth say ya earn more.. ya dun need people with experience wif guns in the working world..
but when the comfortable world u live in crumbles to crisis..
dun whine to them asking them to save u...
not everyone live life for cash...
some live for power, some live for thrill.. some live for the sake of living and some for a greater cause...
so if i choose to soldier my life away... i expect u to respect that decision and shut ur gap...
one day when it is u who hang in the balance..
dun pray to wadever god u belief to ask him to save u.. coz it was u who took life for granted...
to those sons of bitches(my apology but i juz feel its suitable in this context) who think they rule other peopels life... who thinks their tots is those of them around them..who dominate others and think it was their rite... well guess wad i for one detest people like u... if i catch u doing harm to the people i care about pray hard i dun break ur fithy being to simple substance...wad ever u think ur rite.. in ur sick little mind.. u better think twice and think thru be4 u do something to anyone...u noe deep inside wad u did.. and u will i swear on it live with it for the rest of ur fithy life...god haf mercy on ur soul...
as for me i paid my price.. and i will accept the consequences in time to come.. and god shall haf no mercy for me for i see myself in the fires of hell...repent and u are saved? i beg to differ... i belief for one.. that when one repent it doesn't take the consequence and guilt away.. it juz lighten ur heart and u will still suffer for ur actions.. but accepting it with no regrets...
so think thru be4 doing wadever u think ur gonna do...i'm watching u...
touch the people i cared about and u will regret ur born...
take care
logging william...
2:51 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
hmmm 3am again in the morning...
haben slp, dun feel like, cant slp...
my fren demand i go see a doc about it, but i nv really like anything to do with doc...
he say an injection can solve all...
zzz
okie i shall force myself to slp...after this....
noticed a few things..
1. i'm updating overly efficient...
kinda bad at some point...
okok enuff that..
anyway.. once more.. its happy valentines day =)
well though in my previous post i go on about how i dread it and all..
it wasn;t all bad...
a time to show love compassion and cherish the people around u...
well as for me my initial plans was to lock myself at home...
well decided to go to sch to accompany some of my classmate to study...
well aint that bad i guess.. least i could still give my company to another person who wans it..
studied.. from like say 2 all the way till 8
then went down holland village...
well one of them wanted to take the nite off...
so we went holland village de eski..
saw alan there.. and the other gal i cant remember the name..
well as usual i had a graveyard.. been awhile..
and boston ice tea...
i shall skip wad my frens drink.. though eski mojo looks pretty cool wif all the lime and pepermint..
had some fun...
we were in the cold room and well..
talking bout dance..
my my dear fren zw..he demostrated the Melbourne shuffle, the running man and a little of the sea dance..
and my other dear fren norvin did all the RnB dance he learned back in sec sch in the dance club..
had pretty much fun there.. then after that went out.. had a little light dinner...
and mind u graveyard be4 dinner is horrible..
well at that moment.. kinda did something i told myself i wont do it again...
zzz well wad goes wif drinking..?
smoke.. zz well one of them bought a hmm how do u spell that..? nvm.. sumtin ice mint..
well shared wif him..and i noe its bad and all.. and i will not say i'm under influence of alcohol..
and i noe my best fren dun like that..
and i assure u.. i wont do it like everyday.. even my fren dun do it like everyday..
well it juz feels good together wif drinking..
how do u explain that.. erm.. heck nvm... i'm not a good boy alrite.. think wadever u like...
still i cant juz keep wadever i do in me.. keeping one dark secret is bad enuff.. and that one major one is enuff..
so think wad ever u like and if u think i'm wrong.. i ask for ur forgiveness and well i wont pick it up i assure u...
why do i explain myself so much..? well coz i dun wan people to think wrong of me...
but still wad can i do...
then after that went home..
well some tots of today,...
read the newpaper.. and one journalist.. kinda got me on my bad side..
it was about the death of singapores orang utan..
well the way she say it.. makes me feel that shes inhuman..
fine human beings themself has their troubles and flaws.. but still showing affection to a ape is still not wrong.. she did not ask to be treated this way..
so pls be4 u go round critizing it or the people who cried for her..
please give it a second tot and pls juz haf a heart and lay off...
other things.. well valentines day wad do u see everywhere.. couples roses and all..
well some unique dates i seen was a cycling date, very interesting..
well still kinda agitating botu all this but hey dun mind me all u love birds juz carry on.. i got my own issues..
its pretty sweet to see everyone like that.. but this 2 edge sword has its down side..
well all the more i see the more the past came to me..
hahaz.. weird thing.. something my fren told me..
when i told him bout my ex..and my dream the other day,.. dun worry no dirty dream....
well he told me why not date her back..
but hahaz i told him the situation.. and i noe it wont happen..
but then deep inside,.. i tot if only.. hahaz..
well i guess u juz cant cut off ur feelings for someone u cared about so easily?
so love is a very strong emotion.. but many mistaken it wif lust..
the want of owning her.. and all that sort..
love is a feeling where u cared for someone.. like wad my fren said.. its mostly seen in romance movie and novel
but still i belief in everyones heart they yearn for that moment..
and well maybe different from wad u read.. but sometimes its juz the little things that he/she does for u..
its hard to grow to hate someone u cared about u loved..
no matter how u dispose of him/her..
but still if he/she is abusive and takes advantage of u.. screw that.. it better u get a safe distance.. coz thats lust in the action..
enuff bout love.. be it frens love or family or even r/s
the more i talk bout it..the more i yearn for the special someone..
though i doubt that will happen.. treat it like retribution bah hahaz..nvm dun ask why
hmmm something else..
well.. i notice i'm beginning to get down again..
zzz tsk.. blame this useless brain of mine..
well i'd be fine.. not that anyone will care, lol well ur down like most of ur time people juz get used to u..
hahaz
well soemthing i learned.. my life is my own..
i cant expect people to entertain me always..
they haf their own..
i sat there staring into the ceiling
late at nite.. wanting to find someone to talk but then.. theres no one there..
people that came to my mind.. i wanted to sms them..
but then.. decided not to.. i shln;t disturb anyone wif wad i am or wad i go thru..
unfair to them..
lol got to learn to grow up and stand on my own coz the simple fact is no one is there for u.. absolutely no one.. in most case u end up ur own..
but then contradicting wad i say.. i really enjoy helping the people around me..
hahaz..
lol lastly on my way back on the train.. hahz pas redhill and queenstown.. i stare out the whole train.. hoping for a miracle but it didn;t happen.. hahaz
well rite now this instance i tell myself.. its gonna be the last of it... its time i move on seriously...
lol ya noe i shld juz stop updating.. coz i'm seriously wasting peoples time..
zz not that anyone will read..
but still juz need to leave everything away and start new... in this recent weeks i've already said the wrong things, react the wrong way.. well i dunno.. but feel like its beginning to cost the people around me...
then all the more i get time when i seriously feel alone..
talk to people and i get the i dun feel like talking..i geuss people got bad mood?
or worst no reply at all.. i wonder why..kinda miss some frens already.. no word.. not even when i initiate it..
well eevrything aside... time to do well for my exams.. so wad if people around me dun wan me anymore..
i still lives.. not that i can end my life anyway..
i shall juz go about wad i need to do.. and leave everyone alone.. if thats wad they wan... i'm sure they are glad of the peace they get hahaz..
logging william...
" There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...
They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Mrs Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one they put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face
Look at me, Mrs Lovett, look at you.
Now we all deserve to die
Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
We all deserve to die."
Epiphany - Sweeney Todd
tml will be a better day.. i assure u and i will be better.. else u wont see me again...
tot about the decision i will be making after my 10 years in service. wad will it be like, leaving everything behind.. everything.. for at least 6 year or maybe for the rest of my life... my frens, my family.. my everything.. will people finally cherish me? or wil they even care? i got 10 years to think.. and think i will..
lets try sumtin.. today shall be the last day of feeling down sad and feeling depress... tml will be a better day,.. or i'l force it.. swallowing everything bad in me and nv letting them out ever again i assure u... now someone pls juz let me noe i;m appreciated....
10:58 AM
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
lalalala 3.10pm
3 hours 10 min into valentines day,
a day where couples go out and haf the sweetest day..
where the guys find the gers of their dream,
the gers getting pampered wif flowers and gift.
lots of movie dates,
dinner dates..
basically a rather excitement filled day.
not forget ur frens too..
but well in most case frens are wif bf and gf..
honestly nothing personal..
i kinda dread this day..
but although i love the idea of sweet young love..
but well its more of a love hate thing..
the thing i love most is the thing i hated most..
well lets see wads my programme for today...
trn a blind eye to the world,
go to sch sudy my ass off..
and probably go drink my liver dead..
well a classmate of mine told me this..
he hates only this years valentines day..
well hsi nv attach or wad, but then i kinda still figuring out why..
wad else...hmmm
basically nothing much bahx...
well to all u gers out there.. may u get lots of flowers today =)
and well everyone juz try and cherish the moment and the people...
take a while off ur sweet romanic time and juz spend a little time and remember all ur frens.
i guess i'll end here...
honestly i'm kinda miserable the position i'm in...
hating somthing and at the same time telling myself not to..
ya noe one day i juz sit there and coast out the world.. and well the world goes on unoticed..
suddenly something pop up... someones asking me a problem, or a favour basically wad i can give..
but hey i'm not trying to say everyone is ingrate or wad...
and it would be selfish of me to keep everyone by me rite..
everyones got their own life...
i'm still searching mine..
but honestly it does make me feel alot better noeing i could help the peo[ple around me...
least someone as useless as i am could be of some use.. thats something to be happy about.
well i guess this is the path i walk the path i chose..
forge ahead for my future for myself and myself only...
grateful in noeing the people on the way.. cherish and remembering them...
well i haf a blurred vision of where i'll end up in the next 10 years and 20 years..
not exectly a happy sight but at least its not a horrible one..
logging..
william
Love is Friendship set on Fire....
how true is that.. that spark to fire up a emotion so strong that it binds people together...
however if it didn't go well.. it would burn everything u ever build it on...
11:09 AM
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
its another boring day.. and omg i juz woke up..
dead in the afternoon....
well couldn;t help it.. slpt rather really "early" ytd..
was suppose to wake up at 8 or sumtin...
but then sumtin held me back...
and i didn;t want to wake up at all...
well its the second time in a row...
that i dreamed bout sumtin..
they say u will dream when ur mind is thinking bout sumtin alot...
well maybe..
last nite i dreamed of her,
well it was CNY, she suddenly came to my place gave me a card with her hand written note,
saying knowing me was the best thing that happened in her life and that leaving me was the greatest mistake she ever done..
it all felt so real..
i tot it was real..
until the moment i open my eyes.. and remembered some things..
1, she dun like CNY,
2, wadever she said in the dream wont happen in real life..
3, leaving me was probably the greatest relief?
well that juz sux...i juz wanted to go back to slp back to that dream again...
hahaz... oh well wads the used.. its all in the past...funny thing i've let go.. but it clings onto me..
well the day be4 ytd, i had another dream...
i dreamed of my close frens, and their bf,
and well we kinda went shopping...
and the only thing i remembered..
was i wa busy choosing wad to buy, and well they kinda got bored and annoyed..
the bf was sitting outside, and the gf juz left me and entertain him...
well the bf doesn;t like me to begin wif.. LOL
then i juz woke up.. actuclly i'm glad i did...
anyway i think i'll end here today..
got to study le..
take care...
oh and a sidenot, to my dear fren, the second dream is not u and him LOL
i noe it sounds similar hahaz
william
everywhere i turn, everyone i talked to they are all dead busy....
12:46 AM
Monday, February 11, 2008
back to blog again..
well this time.. its a little different from yesterday..
moods pretty much okie.. maybe juz nuetrel..
did nothing much today...
downloads some movies and video to motivate me to work harder..
study a few chapters...
afew more to go be4 i sum it all up and move to another module..
nothing much actuclly happened today.. rather secluded today..
no one reply.. no one talked..
did some workout as well..
damn i;m gainning weight..
got to seriously drop it..
i guess thats all...
shall talk nothing else...
take care people...
see ya all soon..
william..
feel like juz shutting up in one corner.. though i hate that so much..
8:22 AM
Sunday, February 10, 2008
back to blog once again...
today did nothing much basically...
juz some studying and well entertain some visitor.
i got exams up in 2 weeks and well i told myself i will get the revision done by 1st week...
opened my book read and read...
theory after theory..
drilling my brains..
feeling damn stressed out..
watched some video..
movies and documentry..
not porn..
well honestly.. not that i haf too much time..
its juz i'm not in the best of mood at the moment..
had a little disagreement wif my dad well though small.. but it really made me wonder some things..
and no i dun hate him or wad..
everyone has their flaws..
its juz a moment thing..
and it juz add to the other things and well it juz get worst i guess...
sometimes why cant people accept the fact that theres some things they dun noe..
some things they need to update..?
or that some others are a little ahead of them in a certain area of expertise?
sometimes it juz made the person who spend the time to learn these things feels like a joke....
so fine they wan to do it their way i got nothing to say as well..
suggest a more cost effective efficient way and they look at u like "its not wad u think" or their idea are better..
well i cant say its not..
but then well u noe me..
i always try to be logical in thinking and well thinking thru and implementing the most efficient way i think possible... at least down to every details..
if ur gonna be better.. u got to prove it or prove me wrong..
juz cant stand it when people juz treat u like an idiot..
fine.. i was an idiot.. i am an idiot.. i always will be...
zz
besides that..
seriously i think.. everything around me can really make do without me..
it makes no difference..
u try to be there for people they give u the fuk off pls.. kinda feeling..
u leave them be.. and well they dun even bother bout u..
they find someone more important to them in their life, or so they think..
they suddenly silent u out..
why do i try so hard to be there for everyone but then who actuclly appreciates it?
u noe they go thru a tough time,. u try to ease they burden and well wad u get?
not that i expect any returns... but then at least... nvm....who gives a damn..
u treasure a frenship from long ago and wad its worth to them?
nothing..
also..
something i really dun get it...
why do people when they get together
all they talked about is how special each of them are..
and as time past..
it become how childish each of them are...
how they how that..
all the small quarrel..
all the small things..
wad happen to all that shes all i ever need..
why cant people juz appreciate the company they recieve.. the emotional relief of noeing ur in someones mind always..
first they start wif all the sweet things.. they they quarrel bout all the crap things and next.. they get so darn upset bout the end thing..
why cant they juz give each other some space, some personal privacy, accept the other total who they are and not demand changes...(wads the point of accepting someone and getting them to change.. wont that make that a different person?) juz appreciate each other god damn it...
i always wanted someone special to be there for me..
u neo a special someone..
not that i will desperately look for her..
juz someone special to be in ur life.. be there for u support u, thru thick and thin..
i dunno how to explain but i think u noe wad i mean...
the person i cared and think about so much.. shattered everything i believed in..
why is it so darn unfair?
i nv cheated on her, i try to give everything i could...
but then in the end, i had to go thru the things..everything i tot wont happen to me..
and worst.. after all and i didn;t ditch her.. i tot to myself there muz be a proper explanation..
and guess wad i got ditched in the end..
laugh all u want..
but still if only i could juz see her again..
so people.. cherish wad u haf and not play around wif it and regret and whin after that..
and dun suffer thru wad u think is true love.. if its true u nv haf to suffer for it...
ah screwed.. like anyone will listen...bleah... i;m juz another heartbrokened soul...thats probably wad people think...
even frens.. who are true and who are not.. they always say they are there for u.. but how many actuclly are?
they say do to others wad u wan others to do to u...
i tell u juz do wad u think is the rite thing to do.., and dun expect anything in return
for not everyone u helped is a true fren who would do the same..
they may not say it..
but then deep down inside how much are u worth to them?
once they dun see u ur not in their life anymore till u looked them up or contact them again..
would they even remember u exist?
language is a tool of deception..
filled wif lies and only some are true..
so why do i try so hard to cling on to a belief that even i myself now feel is a lie..
a priciple that has already died in history..
wad crap is being a gentlemen, being a nice person, a true fren, being there for people..
who actuclly appreciate it? some will... most wont..
they only remember it a moment and next thign ur a thing of the past.. a total stranger...
try so hard to hold the limited circle of frens and in the end they found other importance in life and disappear..
forget it.. i'm juz crapping...vanting my childish annoying anger... jealousy, hate..
i juz feel damn lost alrite... wad am i here for, wad am i to do, to say.. to act..
juz wanna find a place i belong...
and not be that someone extra in peoples life, where anytime they can juz turn u off...
i hardly found a place of myown beside in my own dark room where time feels like it stops..
no daylight, no cover of the nite, juz a dull dark room of myown..
many time people give up me, someone who tried to be a good fren.. juz a freaking fren..
juz becoz someone else think otherwise of me..
all u !@#ing paranoid guys out there... if ur so not confident of urself then juz shut up and disappear.. this worlds change...its not wad it was, not wad it will be.. its an alien nation..
someone, anyone.. pls juz convince me all this is not wad i think...
i'm losing myself...searching for a place i belong..
zzz haiz.. i;m juz too darn childish.. but i cant help it...
think wad u like i'm too tired to care..
zzz
stuyding my heads off...
william..
pls someone juz let me noe i'm not juz a nobody...that i'm not.... aigh nvm.. it juz makes it worst...
wad if its a lie.. wad if.. juz sick of it...
10:43 AM
update again...
well this time is for the past few days =P
well so fast CNY de holiday over le,
not really a matter to me, i'm on study break...
well friday nothing much happend..
stayed home, then relative visit,
oh and my frens visited me at my place
had some fun playing the computer.
we played monopoly,
and OMG i actuclly lost thru out the whole time..
even once wif the most high valued property in the game..
he won all the way!!!
once he even got the most high valued property in the first round!!
shall go train next time wont lose to ya liao LOL
well after that we set out and head over to my fren de place,
shes got a really nice house, very cozy feeling =)
then after that she had to go to work, so we head over her work place and well slack there till my uncle come picked me up,
i went to watch a movie with them at marina square,
watched CJ7,
it was a pretty nice movie,
not as funny as i tot, but at some part it was rather sad, and cute i would say..
then after that head home,
tried slping,
but kept waking up...
well was thinking bout some things,
well then after that 6 plus..
my fren suddenly smsed.
then after that we talked over the phone, she juz finished her work on her way home,
talked till bout 7 i think, then i think shes really tired le so we put doen the phone and juz went to slp...
well funny thing was, after that.. i slpt very comfortably.
well tis always nice to haf people talk to ya and all that.
thx =)
then sat also nothin much, slpt till rather late, then woke up started doing some revision,
then evening head out to meet my fren and the whole lot of them =P
had lots of fun, it was really nice to see them all again =)
drink like mad,
then after that we head home i guess that was pretty much wad happen the 2 days.
hmmm some things people said to me these few days,
"wahh! getting bigger and bigger liao.."
"err.u purposely go build ur body ?"
"wahh taller than ur dad le"
lol am i really that big?
well i guess i can shrink myself can i?
=P
i can only juz try to lean down
oh and sumtin i haf to take note,
do i really haf a soft voice?
i got to learn to speak up..
now that CNY de holiday is over the next big day people looked forward to is Valentines day,
sadly for me i guess this year, i probably gonna stay home... rather stay home then go out see eevry couple in the world and be a super big spotlight and get myself all drenched in bad memories and all that =P lol
well maybe i shdl go try that web i saw at the train station, lol get a date on valentines day or get us$100 from us LOL
hmmm no date get cash also not bad idea..
oh well.. to all u couples out there do enjoy and cherish this very special moments ya =)
LOL talking bout that.. heard from my fren, in taiwan theres a "riot" err more like a protest..
lol those no life gamer, against valenines day..
i hear liao really laugh till cant stop LOL
dun be like that alrite people..
take care and see ya all soon...
william
hmmm i tend to feel that i'm annoying people and that when i tlak i tend to tok alot of rubish lol
12:09 AM
Thursday, February 07, 2008
hey people.. how u been?
well its first day of chinese new year..
hope everyone is enjoying themself..
well as for me i guess it was okie..
though i really do feel that this time round is really kinda quiet and no mood..
but well i still really love the time wif my family..
kinda woke up early pop 2 pills down,
then went back to slp..
woke up bout 40 min later.. by my dad..
well was kinda feeling a little terrible..
but i guess its juz a short term thing from the pills..
got changed..
then went out wif family le..
well visited some of my relatives..
been awhile i seen them...
well even the topic talked about also change as time pass..
we'r no longer children...
well sadly this year, i'll be visiting fewer relatives than usual.
coz well got people pass away and all that..
well didn't get to see my father side de cousin.
we used to be such good pals and as time pass.. as sch come and go..
the relation become competition...
well least thats wad it looks like..
we used to play and talked everything..
now its usually jzu hi and all that sometime not even hi..
well thank goodness at least i'm pretty okie wif 2 of them... out of three
well by evening.. i head down my grandparent place..
where everyone gathered, and as usual i'm the only guy around as in the teenager/young adult and children...
well it was really nice to see all my cousins there..
on the other hand.. we were so close and all..
adorable!!
looking forward to upcoming baby cousin..
though by the time she understand things i wont be around as much le..
after that went home...
did some web surfing, blog reading and some workout..
well... i really wanna drop my weight.. forcing myself to drop it..
i'm sick of people looking at me and saying things...
anyway.... read thru some old frens blog and well she was going thru some tough time...
kinda hard to imagine.. her now and that time back in the old days..
as a fren i'd tried to at least show my presence let her noe shes still got frens for her..
but then i really dunno why.. people dun even bother bout me?
sometime i tried as much as days to even talk to people and guess wad they dun even reply me?
nvm... doesn;t matter...
i'm juz being a good fren and doing it becoz i noe its the rite thing to do...
think wad u wan...
i noe there are definately people who think of me as sumtin else...
its okie.. i admit.. i'm a beast... an asshole.. a jerk okie...
and i;m hiding in this shell...
i dun wan to become who i was...
good enuff for u?
someone told me the first step to forgiving urself is o admit and talk bout ur problems...
well sadly for me some things juz cant be said...
hahaz nvm...
honestly i'm thinking pretty negative now... but then hey it wont make me do anything foolish ya...
if one wanna change his life totally... how shld he do it? i tried escaping and starting over.. but ur past comes for ya in time..
i wan a break.. a holiday...
anyone wanna go?
=P
tired logging off...
william..
trying to understand some meaning of life... feeling a little lost for words and answer...
but time goes on... life still continue...
shldn't let it affect me... but is that up to me?
=P
once again HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!
love u all people... i really do...nv regret noeing anyone of u... and will always remember and cherish all of u
10:58 AM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
A CREED TO LIVE BY
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what's best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless
Don't let life slip through your fingers
By living in the past or the future;
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give;
Nothing is really over...until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect;
Its is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks;
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find;
The quickest way to recieve love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that y
tat was something i came across 2 years back, while working at my uncles office, juz me him and the office.
well was going thru my friendster account that i came across it again..
gave it some time to read thru....
and well... come to think of it i've been swaying away from it for a long time le...
well will try to keep these words in mind..
its rather meaningful dun ya think?
anyway.... A happy CNY to everyone!!
may this new year bring, peace prosperity and lots of good fortune for everyone..
today didn nothing much some last min packing and all..
well i packed long ago le.. so nothing much also..
played GB wif zw for awhile..
then mostly slack thru bah... like wad my fren said, juz put everything aside for now.. and enjoy and rest this 2 days..
thats wad i'll do =)
well very soon we'll all be year 3 le,
adn well the tot of graduating kinda wasn't a very happy one or sad one for me..
kinda love/hate it too LOL
well its of coz good to graduate..
but then usually after graduation.. people go their sperate ways and some becomes strangers..
kinda dun really like that =P
but hey still lets work hard and forge for ward.
me i'll still try my best to contact everyone..
and i will always remember them.. be it u juz touch my life a little or impact it alot..
new year new beginning..
lets juz throw all the problems and past behind...
for real this time i hope..
and look forward..
i guess i'll end here..
take good care people...
logging
william
sometimes even the closest person haf to leave u one day..
but if that is to happen.. the least ya could do is show them ya can take care of urself and make them proud.. live life to the fullest and remember them always..
i'm sure they will remember ya as well..
and they'll be happy to haf known u and cross path with u in life..
6:21 AM
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
hmmm decided to reedit wad i wrote juz now...
well i think this blog need to brighten up abit... else people will all start to think me as something le...
anyway... today did nothing much i guess... was suppsoe to study for my test and well after a nite of studying and got nothing in... i fell aslp...
i was soo darn tired.. that everything else wasn;t important anymore...
slpt till 1pm..
but then was suppose to be at sengkeng at 9am.. LOL
missed that.. so after that afternoon i head to sch.. try to memorise or understand as much as i can from the book.. well i didn;t exectly memorise the answers(as in the queastions and answer list on the net.. dunno why maybe for this time i wanted to test my knowledge or luck.. or juz seeking doom..
anyway... off i went.. and i think i really flunged it this time..
nvm that aside... its my consequences for not working hard enuff..
after that went for dinner at vivo
had carl's junior as RH wanted so much to eat it... lol he even wanted to try up to 3 extra meat LOl
imagine ordering super star with 2 slice already LOl
ok then head down to sengkeng wif zw.. picked up some supplement..
we kinda share so as to test while not pay the full cost.. and GNC over price things like crazy...
best juz get from supplier
then head home le..
well be4 i go on.. juz some tots about sch...
somethings my fren said was rather rite...
its no wonder she cant trust people...
well honestly even i cant really trust people... thats why groupwork always screws up...
well some people they stick to u when ur good and well when u lag behind they jump boat..
some people act one way think another...
some even say one thing and do another...
trust is sumtin one gain from time with anyone.. and well once u abuse that trust..
its hard to even gain that back..
u trusted someone once and he abused it...
can u trust him to not abuse it again?
though deep in me.. everyone whos a fren to me no matter wad.. i always try to think the best of them as possible.. its hard for me to hate or to think negative of anyone unless they really did sumtin..
but at times u do feel people are juz using u...
are they wad they seem?
u wonder...
well talking bout that... i noe my bro is having some problem..least i notice
and well sad to say but respectably i noe nothing of it...
though i noe he cares for me and treat me as his own..
juz wanna let him noe i;m always here for him ok...
okok anyway back to today...
well some happy things i wanna share...
first my this close fren msn me today.. well haben hear from her at all lately..
shes been busy tutioning people...
well take care and see ya soon.. if u can that is.. dun wan u to get into a fight wif him over seeing me or wad...
and one of my dear classmate...
well she suddenly juz thanked me half way while chatting wif her..
for helping her wif the project and all..
well i cant juz leave u to die can i...
juz glad i could help...
and of coz happy to noe i am appreciated..
well other things.. i played gunbound wif zw..
omg retro.. but hey its all fun and games...
well other then that..
nothing much le...
oh juz wanna add a few more things..
to my fren.. well today haben really heard from ya anything or wad.. well hope u are well.. coz seldom get silent from ya de...
muz be busy or wad.. shall not disturb ya.
lol but kinda not used to it or scary.. suddenly silent.. i tot i did something wrong or wad.. but i'm pretty sure of my actions...
so well shall not think too much..
hope ya are well =)
and watched sweeny todd.. well kinda downloaded..
very clear.. not the normal screener...
but this one is a copy they send for award valuation.. hehe i got a copy LOL
so its DVD or better standard..
love the show..
well watching it... something came to me..
i noe she'll love the show too..
dunno if she can watch.. but still noeing her.. she'll love it..
abit bloody wif al the throat sliting..
but then the singing is really nice.. and i really love the ending scne..
though sad ending..
and well bloody ending..
but the part he carried her and got his throat slit and bleed there staring at the wife he tot was dead.. and that he killed her without noeing..
i watched it twice le.. and i still wanna watch it..
for many reason..
beside that i got news that i might get attachment 1st batch.. if so i'd start april i hope..
well doesn;t atter much to me.. dunno why my classmates all so scared and wan 2nd batch..
i look forward.. learning oppoyunity.. and experience..
and of coz extra income..
well the tot of working made me rememebr sumtin i heard over the radio..
though the person is not working but studying oversea...
came back for holiday..
and well met some frens.. some gave him the warmth home feeling while other became strangers..
i felt sad for her/him when he/she said his going backand this time for a long time..
its like leaving but then though not for life but still leaving and losing things behind on the way..
i guess thats life..
but personally i really hate that..
i lost alot and well though i think and treasure them.. the memory..
i'd love to relive it all again..
the time when u got to noe people.. live thru some parts of ur life with them beside u..
and sad but saying goodbye not knowing when u'll see them ever again..
i hate goodbyes.. but when theres a hi theres always a good bye..
its 3am and i'm starting to worry... why hasn't my sibling and parent came back from some last min shopping?
hope they are well...safe journey home
well i feel this post is much better...
less of ranting and more of caring and showing ur love and concern...
with much love and care
logging..
william
happy CNY
6:53 AM
Monday, February 04, 2008
4 in the morning... haiz... really really tired... really tired....
but i still got things to read...
sianz.....
was talking to a fren regarding some things bout him, his family, the discovery and the gov...
haiz... sometimes i just dun get him... if u truely think u deserve sumtin in return the least ya could do is improve urself now so as to be able to better fight the case... nvm i shldn;t talk bout it...
then was talking to another fren... well about a few things.. and one thing he asked randomly...
so asking anyone out this valentines day...
how i wish i could... how i wish i was back... nvm....
well dun think so bahx, even as fren hardly could ask anyone out on the day itself...
well its not true if one got money, one gets people...
well its juz not true...
well i choose to belief that this world isn;t all about money...
it isn;t...
well nvm lets juz dun go into this topic can we....
lets juz say i love/hate this day...
well but hey dun get influence by me or wad.. its juz a personal thing...
u all go enjoy urself on this sweet day ya...
o besides that well was discussing bout some pills..
well worth a try... but lets juz see how well it goes...
lets juz say i think i wanna do it the way i did when i first sign that contract...
i'm really sick of people directly or even indirectly talk bout some things bout me...
i noe already... why do people juz keep bringing it up...
well ok i haf to take note of this agitation of mine...
though it haf nv got out of hand.. but stilll...
well lets juz say i dun wanna offend people neither do i wan it the other way round...
well some things can joke about but some things i prefer not to go into...
hope some people understands that....
i wanna change myself.. i wanna imporve be a better man...
but why do i feel worst and worst the harder i try...
well nvm lets juz put all those aside.. i got a test to study ad i;m already flooded enuff in my puny brain...
well today i head from airport to sch...
had breakfast then head for FNS revision class...
after that.. break till afternoon...
had IPD presentation..
well some thigns i really felt upset about,...
well i noe they are all not bad people and all...
but then juz kinda makes me feel that wadever i done...
i'm judged and well sometimes judged incorrectly..
i tried... and fine some things i really dun really noe...
i prefer to rely on self...
kinda hard to trust my team... niot that they are bad...
well some of my frens took results from the rest and juz use it plain...
thank my fren for acknowledging me...
but still some i dunno... but i did my own work and research how can u say that i merely juz use tools given or even get the password from people be4 i hack...
yes i gave it a tot and adjust accordingly....
but i really juz do it myself...
i used concept and not blind follow...
and i did tried others...
and i use the one given becoz i find it... nvm i dun even wanna bother to give a reason...
well i did wad i wanted and so be it...
if u think or if any of u think that i do it based on others... so be it...
fine i did haf advice from frens...
i'm juz so sick of all this...
like wad a fren of mine said... well even i sumtimes feel like that...
when ur good people flock to u..
when u lack behind u see they flock to others already...
but its okie...
i help out of good will...
it doesn't matter to me...
well at times like this i really juz wanna be alone...
sort of things...(i noe i said this very often) i mean i noe who are my frens and even if i might say something bad about them... do i truely mean it...
so messed up...
i feel something but think otherwise
honestly i feel damn gloomy when i left sch...
not any of thems fault.. its juz me maybe the weather or sumtin,.,..
somethings i feel i think might not be rite... and well nvm... arghh i dunno...
they are good people...
i feel abd saying anything.. but sometimes i do feel things against them,...
i'm bad i'm evil.. alrite...
just feel damn messed up today...
thank goodness after sch i went to meet a fren...a couple of frens...
well they kinda brighten my day abit..
went shopping.. though at times things are rather heated or well juz turned moodless..
juz glad overall it was okie...
really wanna thank them all...
if not i'll really go nuts today... things after things...juz come crashing down on ya...
i need a vacation....
today bought a couple of shirt... for cny,
then had dinner and all, oh and we saw some old faces lol
glad to see them...
anyway... juz wanna say thx for juz getting me out there today...
i need a break.. need slp...
cant memorise anything at all...
get so agitated when people spoke of me like they noe me but then they dun...
they joke about things i take seriously.
they comment about me...
i starting to feel paranoid of the people around me... are they wad they seem ?
some i noe some i dun...
countless times, people u trust turn against u...
that juz suck...
though my fren tells me to juz keep an open mind.. and dun care wad other think of me...
as long as i noe myself...
but i dun that why...
argh... headache...maybe i shld....
screwed... nvm i shld juz end anymore it will all be crap...
im already lost in tots...
be4 i go once again i wanna thank all my frens that brighten my day..
thanks i really appreciate it... time out and relax everyhing aside...
hahaz
zzz
this post is wasted... i pray no one reads.. juz need to rant... been days since i did...
logging..
william
mood: kinda confuss, tired, upset, messedup and lost
dun even noe wad am i doing zzzz
10:53 AM
Sunday, February 03, 2008
4th of feb 2008,
the time now is 4.08 am
location, singapore changi airport Terminal 3 passenger lounge.
enjoying comfortable seats, quiet ambience, free wireless, salad buffet, drinks, sitting down drinking my peppermint tea =P
well honestly i feel really relaxed.
well i must add, the pakage comes with hot shower too LOL
well any other services muz pay i guess..
=P
but honestly my time here tonite was greatly enjoyed..
managed to finish up some work, though haben slp and feeling abit tired..
but juz being here i feel like time slowed down for me.
today didn't do much, woke up check my emails and stuff.. and read thru some blogs, and omg i notice i wrote crap last nite..
well okie fine was feeling abit screwed up but hey i had fun we all did. i didn't do anything dumb did i?
well that evening i head down, wait i think i already wrote it le.. nvm ya all check it out urself.
well after dinner i got my dad to send me to the airport... no.. i'm not flying anywhere but how i wish i was...
yea reached here sat outside like an idiot for awhile waited for my fren to come.
then sat down talk abit...
then was walking around then notice this passenger lounge..
so we were arguing whether it was for passenger only or anyone..
so we decided to head in take a look
then decided to stay hahaz...
well though need pay but i'd say well worth it.. =)
well thats about it for today...i mean yesterday...
probably gonna go shower then head to sch early early =P
got a important lecturer to attend..
then my IPD3 final presentation for that module...
well i finish the slides and the report le...
hopefully i did well coz i usually screw up de...
then probabky meeting my fren go shopping hmmm but no details yet...
lol talking bout frens.. well i dunno but i'm starting to haf this feeling i'm annoying people hahaz..
am i?
hey people if i do muz really let me noe,... dun juz sudden cut off.. well maybe i deserve that but still... nvm i really hope that wont happen =P
happened be4.. i dun wan history to repeat..
CNY coming... well did u noe actuclly chinese calender thursday is not first day of the year?
coz well the calender even though based on the moon.. but its infact the position of the eart around the sun... and by right today monday is the first day of the year.. as in the initial position of earth around the sun... but no one noes... unless ya see the milinia calender(hope i direct translate correct..
but that was wad my dad told me.. he was watching this fengshui guy talking bout it on the news...
anyway may everyone haf a prosperous year this year!!
well other then that valentines day is coming... though its not really a day i celebrate..
sometimes more like a day i dread...
but okie la it aint a bad day... and it'll be too selfish and self centred of me to think so negative bout it..
lol hope all u love birds out there haf a wonderful..sweet hmm and mostly chocolaty and rosy valentines day =)
lol i still remember last year valentine(well 2 years ago) or was it? i was working that nite and seeing all the couple.. some were pretty sweet and some were well bossing me around...
hahaz
hen the valentine be4 it well gave out chocolate to a fren of mine LOL well her bdae i also gave chocolate she love mint chocolate and well me bdae she gave me x2 dark chocolate LOL i think this year i gve 4 LOL see if i get back 8 LOL
jkjk
well its sweet and nice to see all the love birds out there,, but then till now i still feel some agitation when arounf them... but well it aint anyones fault juz me i guess...
hey i meant no offence okie... juz say only.. not liek i'll become mad violent or wad... LOL
ok lah i guess i better end here be4 i start all my grandfather grandmother story...
hmmm well out of the blue something random...
dunno why i feel i shld do something good every day of my life...
maybe to lighten myself up.. attone for somethings or wad.. hahaz...
well anyone needs help juz call me ya.. anything... i'd be glad to help...
i find myself better at helping people than help myself...
=Pi helpless liao
logging william...
12:08 PM
Saturday, February 02, 2008
reedited..... zz was talking crap yesterday....
damn tired. hahaz
yesterday did nothing much i guess.. stay home do report.. then
talking bout that.. kinda sian...
my team till now haben get anything for or from me.. LOL
oh well up to them
anyway.,.. then after dat meet up fren at her house there.. took a cab go fetch another fren then head down boat quey..
well went eski ate dinner, talk abit, then meet another fren go his pub..
hmm well i'd say that place has potential =)
but got some things to improve i guess
then after that head back to eski finished that bottle we had last time..
had 8 treasure platter
nice nice... had lots of fun =P
oh well that about it for yesterday..
oh then also yesterday nite suppose go fren birthday de.. but my good fren from the west slp till 8 sia...
then decided not to go...
haiz sian.. wad else...
well yesterday mood was rather a little down.. but still okie i guess..
was talking to javier bout some things though i cant remember wad... i noe i think i said sumtin i swore nv to speak of again...
oh crap...hmmm pray hard its not..
hmmmm nvm let the oast be the past...
well CNY coming... need to do my shopping and all..
die haben i think after this i need go pack room le
no time left...
hahz shalll skip all the unhappy tots today.. though yes alot of things do remind me of them...
but oh well.. i guess i hafto get used o it by now...
plus my life is my own everyone will haf to leave me and haf their own life in the future...
well but at the moment.. juz haf to appreciate the time we all haf together ya... though lesser and lesser...
loggin william
there looks all beter le
11:09 AM
Friday, February 01, 2008
well back to post again... i noe its insane 5.44am and i'm still awake...haben slpt in days...
tired but still okie i guess... okok i better hurry post and get to slp like i promised my fren.. wait she *slap slap* =X
hmmm well today...this morning bout 7 plus.. tot of juz laying down abit be4 i head for sch,..
well i fell aslp and overshot the time..
miss my vcn lab,... i still got 2 lab haben submit,... now dunno wad other days can submit le...zz
well was woked up by afew calls and all...
kinda sian people early morning call to find my dad or wad...
okok then slack around did some work... then went out to meet xanthe and ck fir dinner at bk,
then head down national library for a play by chestnut....Chesty nuty bang bang: the hairspray of the pheonix.
well its a mix of alot of movie then they kinda make it a comedy or a swanning session... but it was really funny... theres was scene from LOTR,Xmen, harrypotter, hairspray, 881, and some other musical... oh there was also those advertisment type of jokes they remake... got pirates of the caribbean... they make it into pilates of the carribbean... then also AVP = ah lian vs predator... if can i recommend ya all go watch.. its really funny....oh they sang umbrella in hokkien...and alot more...
okok after that went back home, wanted to go out and all... but there seem to be no one free so oh well save money...
then head home.. slack abit.. do some sch work...
oh btw was damn happy!!!!
there was this lab test that i screwed up...
i look around me all like can make it and all i felt really depresss...
then i check my sch mail they mail the result..
i was one of the 2 who got B lol omg and my class no one got A...
omg omgomgomgomgomgomg!!!!!!
well i really didn;t expect it...
i guess theory answer i succeeded in answering?
hmm but that kinda makes me worry...
coz on that day i tell the rest i die liao...
dunno if now they will think of me as the type who see everyone die while i save myself... but i;m not..really...
okok dun think so much...
okok back to today..
hmmm well was so happy i smsed my fren whos working late hours today...
then she replied, i read wrong sms.. and went ot call her... paiseh =P
oh well then talk abit...
then went back to doing my work le...
then later when she end her work..
talk wif her again well i guess coz i;m like one of the few who dun slp LOL
talk alot of things.. really enjoying talking to her... lets juz say some things her mentality and thinking and mine alike...basically i mean can click lah... frens that can click =) well in current days kinda hard to find lots of them le...
ok lah anyway... i guess tahts about it today...
but be4 i end..
somethings i wanna say... well i see my fren work late hours i dunno why but i kinda feel bad bout it and all... yes i noe ya like working and i wotnsay anything about it... but hey do try to haf enuff rest wor (omg look whos talking.. lol) but hey its ur life though =) and we as frens can only say nia and well in the end we still support wadever ya choose to do =) personally i think we shldnl't interfere too much into people de private life unless they wan ya to... but still nothing wrong to care for peopel ya =D argh.. i blur wad am i saying... oh nvm.. u noe wad i talking bout even if i dun say anything..
juz take care ya see ya soon =-)
shall end here today..
william
if one is not happy wif the things that the person he likes is doing.. and demand her to change, doesn;t that make her no longer the gal that u like...? i think if u like/love someone u accept her as wad she is.. and not change her.. and nv change urself as well... noe ur feelings, is it love that u feel or is it infatuation? if u think u like her, but then when u think proper there alot different between u and her then would forcing her to be wif u yield any happiness? well i shall not say much... if u noe me u will noe wad i think/feel and my stand in such case...
missing my bro and my other close fren whos bf hates me... haben heard from them le... my bros busy wif sch... and as for my close fren.. i really hope she wont throw me out juz becoz of that reason... even so.. i'll always treasure this frenship ya.. be it u do or not... if his more important then frens then so be it as long as u happy i 'm ok...
honestly theres alot of things i wanna say to people but then i juz dunn where to begin,...i wonder does anyone in this world care bout me as much as i do for them? besides my parent... and some of my close frens(hope i;m not wrong bout that)
11:14 AM