-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Thursday, November 30, 2006
____Life is a beri complex thing....treasure it..._____
hey its been awhile since i last update...
dun worry i'll fill in those parts that i miss out somehow...
anyway in general... things are getting tougher and tougher liao...
both physically and mentally...
and well the stress in on....
navy signed on liao... mean i'm bound by contract...
so i better make it this time...
been thinking alot lately...
loads of queastion poping in my head...
queastions like wad the hell am i living in this world for?
wads my purpose?
am i who i think i am to my frens arnd me?
etc etc....
thers still sumtin in my life that i haf not found or haf left behind... that i cant find...
and i dun noe wad it is...
come to think of it... its months since i last saw my bros from sec/ pri sch...
guys and gals i really miss ya all alot...
lately been digging out old pictures...
juz looking at them... gives me back memories... of my past..
the past that will nv happen again...
the things we'v been thru togather...
ya noe... pictures are sumtin that i like and treasure beri much...
becoz it has this thing of making sumtin or a moment freeze and last forever...
looking at all the pics... really makes me feel both sad and happy at the same time...
well at moments like this when ya actuclly stop to look at them...
ya start to figure that life is rather short... and at the same time...
beri fast...
if i could i wish to stay in all the happy memories of my life and that time freeze...
okie enuff bout the pics liao...
recently in class..
been feeling a little down...
well not becoz anything happen...
juz well maybe i'm juz too tired...
well sumtimes i begin to wonder.. wad am i worth in the eye of my frens and peers?
people dun turn to me... neither can i turn to anyone much when trouble arise..
well theres those i noe i could always trust...
really appreciate them...
...
hahaz well if onli i could see wad people feel...
then i can noe wad am i worth in the eye of others..
tell ya the truth...
my life is a mess..
and i'm really beri stabborn and dumb..
hahaz
i shld try go to class... being anti...juz sit there mind my own business and speak when i need to...
okie nvm...
common test coming liao... peeps
JIA YOU!!!
and of coz qing duo duo qing jiao
hahaz teach me also wor!!
dun pangseh and leave me behind..
today theres 2 test...
one math and one FOOP mork test...
math i think i totally flung it liao...
haiz i better buck up...
FOOP well wasn't too bad...
partly thx to kanwei and RH and the rest of ya... to help me further understand the module..
then also NJD participated red camp...
it rained and the place flooded...
moved to convention centre...
did some demos and meets some people both good and bad...
some were cute... some were ok... and some was... GUAI LAN!!
wth loh ya white belt aikido and worst not even in ngee ann yet... come di siao...
pls... i true martial artist... dun seek to compare which art is best...
they seek to master wad they prefered and push it to the limits...
a teakwando master can say his good at kick... but then if lack the practice he can lose to anyother arts juz as easy...
in a fight... everything comes down to the split seconds....
its all this little training and pushing of limits that give them that split second advantage...
the way ya say things i really doubt u noe shit bout martial arts... and i really doubt u noe aikido.
so my advice... STFU!! be4 ya get on someones nerves...
p.s err my apology if i offended any aikido people arnd... =) dun worry i haf nothing against ur art moreover i respect it =) juz refering to some people who dun understand wad we martial art people understands.. well u noe wad i mean =)
okok enuff bout HIM...
there was also some gals...
rather enthu..
hahaz well if they do come ngee ann and join NJD...
i really think they haf the potential =)
okok i better head off to bed...
its 1.23 in the morning...
and i got class at 8
sianz... cant fell asleeep even though freaking tired(after working out abit... hey found some dynamic stretching methods rather useful =P well gonna try out for some time see if it works...
then maybe test during NJD bahx..)
well now my minds filled wif alot things again... it always happens during this time de...
listening to 1litres of tears de song...
really found the show beri nice and meaningful...
gave me new insight to life...
well didn't cry when i watch,...
but it did struck me deep when i watch the show...
even noe i think of the images of the show... some scene really makes me feel sad for her..
the kind of feeling ya get when ur about to cry...
however i haben cried since long long ago... so maybe my tears all dry liao...
okok i'm beginnign to crap liao better lights off...
nites..
william
8:57 AM
Saturday, November 18, 2006
___No matter how Bad life gets... i still haf to look on forward and forge a better day myself...___
hey hey...
been awhile ain't it?
anyway... tot i do a little update for all ya readers...
things been okie... hmmm more like i'm coping it well...(or at least trying..)
schs getting tougher...
but wif a little effort it shld work out fine...
hmmm think i'll juz tok bout friday on...
anyway friday after sch stayed in sch to study with wake and RH...well sort off..
after that my uncle pick me up
went vivocity to eat..
chit chat... found out alot of things
hmmm seriously i do enjoy going out wif him haha...
i remember wen i was small tat time... he used to sabo me(till a point where people can qurrel over wad i did de)
hahaz guess people really do grow up eh?
okok sat went sch again for training..
well theres alot of things i got to improve...
hopefully in 2 months time... (starting after i settle my navy thing...)
within the 2 months... i'm gonna train really hard...
and see where i'll end up...
of coz not comprimising my studies =)
i'm kinda getting to use to the everyday routine kind of life...
at first i tot life without sunmtin to look forward to was miserable...
well it is actuclly...
but then... got used to it...
least i still haf people arnd me who cares hahaz
hmmm and also becoz of this boring routine life... i picked up alot of habit...
good or bad i donno...
i start to observe and listen to my surrounding more...
begin to write a "dairy"(well i think thats wad they call it...or shld i juz say jounal bout my tots for the day whether is it worthwhile day spent or not)
and also plenty of other staff...
so far from my experiences....
lifes pretty much cruel...
but at the same time it also has the positive side to it...
i shall refrain from saying life sux...
coz its not true...
but that doesn't mean lifes good hahaz
thers juz too many thing in life that i wan to haf, wan to find out wan to understand...
its pretty true wad they say..."in life theres always the word while..."
we always go like " i wanna work while studying university part time"
or i wanna listen to music while doing my homework...
its sumtin liddat...
the truth is life too short...(ya dun go see it from seconds point of view of coz..)
and theres juz too many things in life to experience...
okok enuff bout life...
hmmm sumtime i really feel like giving myself an attitude adjustment...
perfect myself more...
i really wonder why sometime even though i try so hard to present myself well..
i'm always turned down...
hmmm things aint always that simple eh?
seriously if any of u thinks theres sumtin wrong wif me... juz let me noe...
least i'll understand myself more...
personally i feel i'm pretty simple... i noe wad rite and wrong... and i'll most of the time side the rite side...
if ya make me hate u... i will hate u to the core
but if ur a true fren to me... then a true fren i will be to the end...
thats sort of how i work i guess..
when i like someone... i stay that way even if its hopeless..
liking them doesn't mean be wif them...to me... being able to see her everyday see her laughter..
i'm satisfied..i shall not ask for more..
ya noe... when people tell me i'm a good person... deep inside me i noe i'm not...
i did things i shouldn't haf done be4...
i haf my dark secrets and side...the side that only few noes...
its juz my regrets...if i could repeat time i would haf prevent it...
hahaz okok
hmmm dunno wad to write liao... nvm shall end here...
i shld be like this more often...
u noe be like calm and cool even wif so many crap in my head and problems and feelings and all that...
hahaha
okok i'm gonna zzz liao...
wif love
william...
P.s...CONGRATZ... ya juz wasted alot of seconds and min reading... hope ya enjoy it haha remember time is precious...
okok lame.. nvm
9:10 AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
____Life is like a war...and ur the commander...objective pops up... accomplish them wif wadever u haf...____
hmmm to start off...
my current weight is 71-72kg...accordin to my hse scale...
i got 5 days left...
and i need drop to about 70kg...best is 68-69kg
can i do it? hopefully i can bahx...
am so close to achieving wad i had set out to achieve since be4 poly started...
sometimes i wonder....is it worth it?
i mean like becoz of money, to lighten the finacial strain on my parent... i give up 5-10 yrs
of my freedom....
well i'm pretty excited to noe wads life in the RSN...
hopefully its wad i expected...
well recently things been getting okie i guess...
the maths quiz... i was pretty surprise i could do...
well many thx to wake,norvin, RH and all of ya for assisting me in understanding all this math...
so far for most of my module...
i'm holding on pretty well...
juz maybe need work hard in AEL and Maths more bahx...
and readup more about IN2....
seriously speaking i find IS a waste of time LOL
dun let my lecturer noe i said that...
hahaz like my titled said...
i'm gonna treat life like a war...
cruel and pretty much unknown...
anything can pops up anywhere anytime...
and when anything actuclly pops up...
its like a sudden turn of event...
and its up to me,myself to see how i can overcome it...
hmmm well this morning i was thinking of sumtin...
its like when ya tell a gal ya like them(i shall not use the term love... coz many people dun really noe wad it means and its too well over to say that)
and the gal tells ya to be juz a fren...
ya feel bad...ya accept wad she say...
but the thing is deep down inside ya still like them...
well ya cant juz stop liking a person suddenly juz like that rite?
the thing is ya still care for them...
if ya ask me it doesn't or no longer matter if she accept u liking her or not...
the main thing is u still care for them...
if ur gonna stop caring for them when they turn ya down...
then deep down inside ur not true in liking them...
am i wrong to say that?
personally if ya ask me... if all ya wan is to be with her becoz ya like her...
and if that dun happen ya no longer care... hmm or even force her and make her life miserable..
then ya dun deserve to like her at all...
the human mind is a complex thing...
alot of times things are always between the feeling and the thoughts...
in ur mind u noe wad is rite and wad is wrong...
but ur feeling tells u otherwise...
this applys to everything...
hahaz okok lets end this soon be4 i start blabbering on...
well to all my frens out there... take care and stay happy always...
to the special someone...ya cant stop me from liking ya...
but if all ya need is a fren out of me...
then a fren i shall be.
=)lastly hey dun get wad i write wrong okie...
it meant i care... same to all my frens out there...
hmmm i guess it a beautiful sunday... thus my minds pretty calm...
i shall end here =)
signing out
ya fren, family fellow ninja...etc etc etc
hahaz
william =P(guess i'm in a pretty good mood bahx )
9:57 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
___lost my senses..._____
haiz....does life really play tricks on people?
does it always make peoples life miserable?
why is it so that my life is so unfair...
why is it always me that gets all the crap....
haiz theres no answer to it all...
things been bad... it still is...
theres juz too many things going on against me..,.that i feel like poping sometime...
anyway... been thinking alot alot....ever since that moment....
at first i really feel like breaking down...
it feels like everything is once again gone....
but still... wads happen is happened...
theres nothing i can do about it...
now that the decisions are out...
i juz haf to accept that fact...
and come to terms wif it...
no matter how i wish things was different...
i'm sure she has her reasons...
plus i'm not sumone whom people will like easily anyway...
guess i'll juz haf to put a smile on my face and look forward...
swallow wadever pain and feelings...
its not worth it....
if she doesn't like me... its fine... least the frenship exist...
thaats the fact that i haf to accept...
if ya like someone and the someone doesn't like u...
its no point trying to force her into acceptance...
rather juz release her pressure and let her decision be final..
hopefully we'r still close frens like last time bahx...
and if ur reading these...
=) i'm always arnd de... as a fren i'll still be arnd if ya need me...
sumtimes i sense sumtin troubling u...
but ya juz keep them bottled up....
well its okie i guess...up to ya de...
juz if ya need anything...anything at all juz let me noe okie...
well always ya haf been my listening ear...
hearing my problems and all that...
well thx =)
hopefully i'll be ya close fren juz like ur mine...
hmmm okok all this kinda making my post look like erm i donno...
i noe some people read liao will get irritated de lol
my apologise hahaz
anyway tell ya all the truth .... my language is not that good de... therefore
all the things i type i think is in a mess bahx...
k dun write liao... think next time i'll write in the book and use this blog to juz updated wad happen daily
lastly... thanx wake...ya been a true fren... really appreciate ya being there for me =)
although sumtimes i'm an irritant... my apologise be4 hand hahaz
without u i donno wad i'll do when all this crap pops up..
thx
also to my NJD families hahaz
i really like being arnd ya all...
it feels juz like family..
all ya advice i hear and i remember... and i'll not forget them de
sign off bye
william
9:47 AM
Saturday, November 04, 2006
____things was bad enuff...juz when i tot its getting better...it came from nowhere suddenly_______
reediting my post....
yesterday was a terrible day..
but still i've overeacted....
its juz a fact that even though i told many times that when the day come..
i'll gladly accept and respect that decision...
still its juz hard to accept the fact...
why? why is it always liddat
why?...is it sumtin wrong wif me?
yes theres many things wrong about me...
haiz... guess its no point clinging onto all this...
haiz i juz donno how make out in words wad i feel...
=) but still since it already happen...
i'll juz haf to carry a smile on my face...
and let it pass...
no matter how i wish things were better...
no worries.. if ur reading this... i'm fine i'm fine...
seriously i donno wad i'm saying or thinking anymore nowsadays...
one time i can overreact and sometime i juz can not care...
its either i'm getting dumber or i'm losing my sense
its like i'm always trying to control 2 things in mind...
my thoughts and my feelings...
one of them would tell me wads rite and wad best to be done....
while the other is how i really feel that things shld be and why doesn't it go like that...
guess is like a selfish side of me...
wish i can juz kill one of them...
or both...
its tiring enuff to live this cruel world with so many expectations...
its even more tiring to control this 2 person in me...
guess life is really an act...
where the truth lies in the dark while the ardience only see wad they are meant to see...
forget it... i'm not good with words...
and i donno wad i'm writing... its 10.30am now i think i'll go slp more and wish time would juz fly by..
sign off..
7:59 AM