-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Monday, October 30, 2006
____tightest most stress situation i ever been in..._____
hmmm now in sch....after swimming..
in canteen 2...
beri sian so tot of blogging...
anyway yesterday was the big day for me...
coz i went down NRC to sign the contract....
tough its not sealed but then its still considered a big event for me..
now i'm halfway to become a navy personnel...
halfway to my green IC...
however...
yesterday i also found out tat by rite when i apply this scheme i cant be on any study loan...
although i am gon na cncel when i get the contract...
wads worst was...
i still need reduce my BMI...
currently i reduced 2 kilos of my weight liao... got bout 4-5 more to go...
stress stress....
3 weeks... is it possible?
if till last week i haben reach the specific weight i'm really gonna starve 1 week...
coz if i cancel the study loan... and i fail to drop my BMI...
GG thats its i dun haf any means to pay my sch fees liao...
balance all this crap i also need to balance my studies....
EG2...differtiation or sumtin...
i really dunno how to do.... i missed the lecture for it....
okok enuff bout all this stress liao....
got to maintain ... maintain....
anyway my chemical romance came out new album...
the black parade...
its beri nice... those who like such music should go get it =P
me listening to it now....
hmmm okok let me thing did i miss out anything....
oh yea...
last sat got make up class...
i didn't noe bout it till on friday when they all were toking about it....
anyway many thx to wenqi for morning calling me (coz if she didn't call i would be alsp in the train till boonlay liao)
went there for network cabling...
learn how to make cables and stuff...
zzz soso lah
hmmm guess thats all bahx =)
signing off...
william =D
6:16 PM
Friday, October 27, 2006
___glad that theres positive reactions in ya____
hmmm todays a special day...
for the first time...
i saw a positive reaction in him...
well unless i miss interepret or he refering to another person...
well if u read this...
do noe... ur positive reaction is taken note off...
and as for mypart....
no matter how i detest,hate,dislike someone...
i will not and never will
do anything against them unless its act of self defence...
but one thing u muz noe and understand...
sometimes sometin one person did...
cant juz simply be washed away wif words or even time...
i always tell people action brings consequences...
i suffered that consequences be4...thats why i noe...
trust or faith in a person once lost is hard to recover...
ask urself if u trusted me and i threw that trust away ...would u trust me aagin?
its hard rite?
its a good thing lesson learnt...
everyone makes mistake...
but not every mistake can be put aside or forgiven that easily...
note this... nomatter how i detest/dislike/hate....
i wont make it my motive to make ur life miserable...
UNLESS i repeat wad u did all over...
if u say or ask sumtin....(not comment bout sumtin)
i will answer...(i will not make it a point to embaress u or wad)
if theres nothing i keep mysilence...
but if u ever reapeat wad u did... or even hurt those arnd or close to me...
i will really make it a point to let u live in misery...
as long as things are fine... i'm fine...
try living my life.. and u noe why i hardly smile no more...
thx to those arnd and close to me, who always brighten my day and motivates me...
my expression is energise by them...
without them i'm like a passing raincloud...=)
do take note... this ain't an offensive post..
ur effort is taken note off...
but to wan me to erase wadever happened instantly that i cant do...my apology...
trust and frenship is build thru time and effort...
once again i say... i stand my ground... no matter how i hate someone or dislike... i wont make it a point to go against them...
william
9:42 AM
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
____Love Is Cruel...But Without It The Worlds' Not Worth Living_______
its the 25 of oct 1.21 pm...
2 more days till the due date of my submission of my
JPSDS sureties form....
gonna go sign the contract on 30th of oct...
happy but then...
by 17th of nov... i need reduce my BMI to 24...
lol stress challenge man...
hopefully i make it...
okie enuff bout that....
anyway...yesterday erm...well monday to be exect...
since tuesday is a public holiday...
after training we went out to eat...(well we went further lol)
went caserina curry i think(correct me if i'm wrong)
i had vegetable mutabak and a can of greentea
well the food there was not bad =)
ya all shld go try
chat alot there... then suddenly we were toking bout jay lol
and beesim was making this face wif the leftover food...
hahaz
alot of crap lol well thats shows we ninja not onli serious when training...
we too haf a lame and funny side....
okok after that we send dawn home... then me and derrick
and of coz quan...
went to drive arnd sg in search of places to explore...
we went to this place...near tampines i think(quan argh wad place was it again?)
lol some untouched place...
so there we go exploring lol went deeper and deeper...
but sadly there wasn't much to see...
but oh well its nice to see this places once in a while =)
we stambled into this quite broken down place...
to many of u mordern kids... seeing this kind of place already spooked u all out liao...
hahaz
okie we were about to go closer... suddenly alot dogs start barking... then we turned back...
not that we';r scared of dogs...but we dun wanna get charge for tresspassing....
hehe we ignored a sign and a gate on our way in LOL
okok after that quan send me home....
today went sch for training....
did alot lame things... donno if i shld upload the pics hahaz
sure LMAO....
mah maybe next time bahx hahaz i shall save the details...
...
haiz recently been quite emo everynite....
maybe juz alot things in my head bahx....
well seeing wad i been thru since the past... i'm quite expandable...
so such stress shld be alrite i guess
not that i experience alot juz i think i can handle them...
thinking alot of crap....
all the things happening arnd me....
well partly thx to0 training... i use it to destress
hmmm shortly saying....
my life aint going that well... but at the same time... i shldn't complaint much
coz it aint as bad as some people i noe...
its juz so unfair sumtime....
some people whos got everything cant appreciate wad they haf...
recently been thinking bout a certain someone....
my friendship wif her aint bad....
=) if u noe u the person i'm refering...
do noe that i'm always here if u need me...
and ya can trust me de...(its okie even if u dun...its okie de)
anyway... juz some queastion i'm dieing to noe... even though the answer makes no difference..
juz no matter wad the out come or wad the answer may be...
frens we'll always be... and i'm always here
and to a certain someone... if u ever upset her ever again... i wont forgive u nor will i let u off de...
its already bad enuff u did so much to hurt people feeling...
if u read this and noe i'm refering to u...
heres a note...
angry?depress?upset?disappointed wif me?...gues wad... i'm not interested...
if u haf anything against me... or anything against wad i say...
come find me...though i dun like annoying trouble....
but if trouble finds me i'm ready for it...
i shall not bother or care bout u or wad u do....
but if u lay a finger on anyone close to me... or offend me wif any of ur crap again...
an eye for an eye i wont let u off that easily...
this semester... i will stay strong... fighting spirit and determination...
not onli will i work hard to proof that i dun need answer scripts to get A...
its not gonna be easy but i will try...
physically i wan to improve myself...too
flexibility,strength,reflex and stamina....
hard work, no pain no gain...
as for other aspect like love.. i wont write it out here... rather write it in a book that no one else reads...
actions speaks louder than words...
no point me writing long poems here...
it will onli bring stress to ur mind and the person...
it takes 2 hands to clap...
decision is not up to one person....
one muz learn to understand and feel wad the other is feeling or going thru...
respect their decisions...
no point sayin u will wait and all that....
i believe in being there for the person be it for love /like or juz frenship
theres many thing i dun understand about this aspect of life...
all i noe is wad is morally rite and wrong...
and that every action one person do has consequences...
yes i would like it if the person accept me...
but its not me who makes such decisions...
but it is for me to respect that decision..
if the decision she make is wad she wan...
than i shall be happy for her...
as long as frens we still are...
her smile and laughter will still brighten my day =)
stay happy always... and stay true to urself always
i shall end my crap hahaz... covered pretty long one today hahaz
anyway...
wif love...
ur fren...
classmate...
member...
turtle...
william
10:27 AM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
____Life Is Cruel...______
today went sch fro sparring training...
at 11.. met up wif mark...
started training...
its definatly feels good o train in a sat afternoon....
okie but sway... first exercise nia...
i miss the block to his kick....
and kenna my fingers....now damn numb....
feels like my mind didn't coordinate well today....
hahaz well its an effect thats been happening i guess...
its like i'm feeling more and more tired every single day....
worst i cant seem to slp early at nite....
then morning take train stand he whole way...
my legs feels like falling
anyway enuff bout that.... shall tok bout that later...
okie finish training we wnt swimming... oh and we saw mark lim and dawn today
they come sch study...
hahaz
okie swim and tok cock...
then after that went market eat..
come back saw beesim...
then i went to meet fren liao then head home...
thats all bout today i guess...
enjoyed the training....
okie anyway...now besides the navy thing...
other things are beginning to trouble me liao...
one of the main issue... would be my studies....
i'm not a born genius nor am i that talented...
but this sem i die die wanna get more than 3.5 GPA....
thats the goal i set for this sem...
but now i'm still trying figure how to work on my studies...
i go to class mind half dead....eye almost wanna shut
but endured on and pay attention in class....
after class... usually i would stay in sch to study wif frens...
but now i hardly can do so... juz wed and fri onli....
mon,tues,thurs i got training... and be4 that i hardly can study much....
okie maybe i'm slow... but i cant seem to do much during that time....
everyday i would leave for home arnd 8-9 for non training days....and reach bout 9-10pm
training days i would reach home bout 11-12pm...
i'm juz so tired now....
wif many things on my mind....
some of which i put aside...
wish time can juz stop for me to rest or for my to finish wad i need to do....
i love trainings.... i wont miss it even for the world...
i'm juz exhasted... or well going to be....
and this is actuclly affecting my performance in wad i'm doing...
others see me as being strong...but i myself... feels and noe that i'm weakening....
haiz... nvm.. Wad Doesn't Kill Me...Makes Me Stronger..!!!
i'll put wad ever energy i haf left in me in wad ever i do....
... okie enuf bout that....
haiz theres juz so many issue going on....
LIFE SO FUKING UNFAIR!!!!
was toking to my mum over some finacial issue....
its like wtf....did my family offend any god or wad..?
its like according to people....and according to my calculation...
owning a stall and selling food is damn profitable...
but god damn misfortune events juz keep happening...
always forcing us back to step 1....
its juz so fuking unfair...
why do people....do nothing and from young they enjoy laxurious life?
its not even my turn to fight my empire under the sky...
and i'm already stuck in societies misfortune....
everyweek i get my allowance from my dad... i feel so fuking useless...
he does so much for the family...
sacriface so many things in life... juz to keep us going...
and all i can do is always getting money out of him ...
its gets worst wen things start running out...
and wen we need buy this and that....
he always tells me....if its sumtin i wan...and if its about education...
i can always get from him...
but then... personally i feel damn bad loh... even if its no chioce...
sumtimes it really pisses me off when i see people whos so lucky and they complain so much...
or even dun treasure wad ever they haf....
its like WTF...
i guess lifes like that....
personally i rather endure lifes hardship than rely on others to pity me....
sincrely speaking....my life feels okie from the outside...
my entire family....can juz act as if nothing is wrong...
but then i noe and i can see...
things aint wad they seem....
i'm not trying to being materialistic...
its juz i feel that my parents deserve more than juz hardships of life....
argh... FUK IT.... all this are juz issues that i dunno how to express in words ...
juz live by the day... smile by the moments....and act as if life is boat sailing smoothly thru time...
theres others out there far worst than me... so i shldn't even be complaining...
when i was small i use to think i haf the world in my grasp...
and i ahf the ability to do anything i wan....
i dreamed of doing things that now seems impossible....
i set goals in life
goals like by 28 i wanna settle down wif a family that is finicially strong and stable...
success in wadever busniess i do...
and own a lambogini...
...childhood dreams...
sumtimes during the down moments in life...
i always ask myself why am i here? wads my purpose and reason?
it gets so dark i really wonder is life worth living?
the only thing that push me on so far is the people arnd me...
i live for them....
and wel even if lifes not worth living... its not worth ending by sucidal either...
herefore i'm not and i nv will be sucidal...
coz if i do life will be even darker than be4 for those arnd me...
even though theres many down moments...
theres always the hapy ones..
which i always remember...
and always think of them....
haiz dun wan write liao...
seriously i dunno wtf i'm writing....
juz typing wadever in my head....
and wadever my mind thinks at the moment...
sry for those who juz read... i noe this post is a waste of time...
theres juz so many things in my mind tat i dunno how to let them out of say...
and even i myself dun understand myself...
am i being self centred in my tots?
or am i juz being emo?
wtf....hahaz i think i'll juz slp and hope time would stop for the moment...
====================================================================
7:52 AM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
_____SCH started... _____
welll like the title say...
schs started....
and well everything went well....
thos not well one i ignore hahaz
i'm not who i am be4....
okie that kinda going in the direction of crapping liao....
anyway....lets start wif monday....
lesson was okie....
teamed wif pei pei, KL and err...one more gal i haben got her name....
well we got a great team... lets score the sub.....
ok skip the rest down to training....
this time KL was wif me....
well he seem enthu bout it =)
hahaz some physical cca would do u good KL =P
ok nvm....tuesday was normal
went swimming in the mornign wif chunwei....
then erm class was same....
training was well same....=)
wed which is today....
wah sian woke up late...
was suppose to go swim wif kanwei and chunwei to swim in the morning....
sad man....
reach class late but then wah the etacher like erm...
nv start the lesson sia!!!
okok after sch slack arnd wif RH,chunwei,kanwei,zhiwei,KL and grp
lol then head home liao...
after dinner went to jog... from my hse tampines to pasir ris park...
3km there 3 km back...
feel damn shiok... hope wont affect my performance for tml training hahaz
====================================================================
hmmm some random tots and feelings....
well recently since sch start... the nites become boring....
and wen boredom comes... emo comes too
think loads of thinks...
unanswered queastions since last semester...
anyway i dun intend to get the answer lah since things been well
then also since semester start liao...
some things haf change...besides me....
juz noe this.... i always try to be nice....i cant really hate anyone...
but if u do stand against me....and do things to me...
u will nv get forgiven....and when i hate sumtin...
that hate is like an eternal flame...burns till ur gone...if u noe wad i mean...
even if one day i do get over it...
u wont haf a place in me ...
okie enuff bout that.....wait i turn serial killer sia!!! ASSASIN FOR HIRE!!!! lol
hmmm as for other tots... guess its private....
ur close to me u'll noe...
but if u upset her once more.... i'll send u to the gates of hell...
new semester new start... make ur best effort to start anew...
or trap in ur own world and die down wif time...wif the hatred of everyone....
9:08 AM
Thursday, October 12, 2006
_____Guess bad times will always accompany wif the good times?_____
hihi
hmmm shall start off toking bout yesterday....
lets see... first stop early woke up went NRC
wen there for interview...it went pretty well i guess
the person in charge ask alot of queastion... both relavent and irrelavent ones
togather wif me was 2 other guys...
one of an old bird that guy called him....
been thru his ns liao...gonna go for warrent course liao...
but then he got a place in poly so tot wan navy sponsor him....
but cant so he withdraw....
left wif me and thsi other guy also from ngee ann
i shall skip the details...
ending of the interview....
he set a date for us to sign the contract and sumpa date....
was damn happy then till he say.... my bmi abit overshot....
ask me by 17th of nov reduce to 24/25 (best 24)
wtf!!!! 1 months liddat need cut 7 kgs? hahahz siao liao....
haiz wad to do... i'm sure can de...its all this obsticle that made my life journey worthwhile
okok after that went to meet chunwei,kanwei,zhiwei,norvin and kinleong..at jurong east..
then meeet wif wenqi,shimin and esther at bedok... walk arnd giant buy some things then we took mrt to marina liao....
reach there... weather hot hot.... play abit game wif zhiwei and chunwei...
then go picnic wif the rest liao... was gonna fly kite but couldn't bring it to air due to no wind...
quite sad rite... till a time when all the wind kick in....
i found a ownerless kite... took it flew it damn high hahahaz
zhiwei was trying to catch up lol damn funny...
well play fly until no more string to release liao... then let the kite go...
took alot alot pics i shall post them here...
okok skip skip... next we head to eat steamboat... to celebrate me and zhiwei bdae....
hahaz thx guys and gals =)
had lots of fun... wenqi was like beri scared the live prawn would jump out hahaz(which it did)
then kL was like busy cooking and cooking hahaz chunwei was eating and eating hahaz
sadly kanwei didn't join us for steamboat... he went for some bbq =)
okok i shall skip the rest of the details hahaz wan find out more juz msg me bahx..
next we head in arcade enjoy aircon played some games hahaz... then head home hahaz
was damn fun hahaz enjoyed myself alot.... everyone enjoyed the day haahz
we shld haf this non-anticlimax or non-get pissed of..kind of outing more hahaz
k lah gtg bb
in memory
AK47
william =)
aiya lazy post pic hahaz... wanna see them ask me loh!! ;)
9:12 AM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
______OMG!!! OMG!!!____
omg!!!! i'm like so speechless now!!
10 mins ago... my best bro since pri sch called and ask if he could stay over...
when he arrived... i was like stunned...
he wasn't staying over...
he came to give me a present!!
omg he went to buy a Sai for me..
a black Sai!!
omg!!! that thing is like over a 100 bucks
omg!!!
thx man bro!!! thx u the man!!!
i really donno wad to say!! hahaz
thx man!!
this bro here, my best bro ever...noes me inside out... ben thru thick and thin...
BROS4LIFE man!!!
hahaz
=====================================================================
thx also to my sis whom bought me a cake hahaz =) thx sis
6:53 AM
____Recent happenings... ___=)
okok heres an update...
requested by derrick hahaz
hmmm lets see last post i tok about the ninjado chalet
and monday de happening...
guess i'll tok about the weekends bahx =)
first off
friday...meet up wif my sec sch frens...
the whole bunch of them
there was the birthday people(me,ben, and fukie)
there was also, arif, felix,justin,derrick,cte,dalton,sirong,zhengxiangand not forgetting ck =)
hahaz they all seem well and man derrick been body building LOL
okie we had soul garden, followed by walking arnd marina square
hang out at the arcade and play like siao...played pool
then head home liao, dalton they went tm to watch movie after that i think
me i went over arif place for awhile then he come over mine and stayed for the nite
okie sat...the haze was damn bad....
my throat was hurting
slack at home till evening
then i head over my relative de wedding party at changi aloha chalet
the place damn big...
hmmm nothing much to say there... hahaz enjoyed myself all he food and drinks muhaha
then head home liao....
finally SUNDAY!!! 8th of oct... my big day....
the nite be4 sunday....pass 12 onli was actuclly kinda glad got people wish me sia... usually not much de
hmmm lets see first was wenqi, she wished me juz on the mark 12am hahaz thx man =) that was really nice =)
second was benedict whos bdae jus pass when mine arrive(his one day older than me)
third was arif then was felix
followed karen my jie =)
then was dawn and mark =)
followed by derrick
the rest was next morning liao =)
thx people really appreciate it hehe
ya all make my day hahaz
k i shal write till here... wonder tonite going out wif parent anot?
hmmm nvm hahaz looking forward to next wed =)
lastly... dang man when is navy gonna call me hahahaz
okok signing off
william
1:48 AM
Monday, October 02, 2006
_____updates on recent events...best chalet ever....____
hahaz beena while ain't it?
anyway...heres an update about the ubin chalet that my NJD organised...
day 1 reached marina country club meet beesim,dawn and JQ
took a ferry down to ubin chalet...
met up wif derrick, mark and joyce
reach there liao settle down we head to village...
had lunch and rent bikes
after that went cycling
well everything was fine....and of coz havin a great time...
till the end part dawn fell
she had some cuts on the palm and the elbow..
lucky she was wearing jeans if not i think knee would also had cuts
better take care wor!!
okok after cycling we head back chalet...wash up...
made dinner hahaz
we even cook using our masstin indoor hahaz
while having dinner we watched loads of movies...
first of dragon tiger gates, then final destination3, followed by meet the fockers...then vocano high..(by then everyone doze off liao...)
then me and mark cheong went out walk walk...3am
walk and chat lol walk walking got one part suddenly we hear barking
we tot was some dog somewhere further down....
but then suddenly we saw 5 dogs running towards us....
i was like stunned tio...
but they nv bite lah hahaz
okok we sit down tok until 5am
head back chalet....took down my lappy and played rome...
play till doze off i slpt on the chair while cheong slpt on the floor...
then morning jq chase and mark to the room to slp...
okie then second day woke up...we had breakfast...galic breads =D
due to bad weather we stay in chalet and chit chat again =)
hear joyce to past life experience =)
did alot of funny things hahaz like poking derrick...well basically poking anyone whos ticklish
then pillow fight.....lots of friendly fires hahaz
and lastly they make up my face... lol drew me like cat liddat...
and also they make up derricks face...
once the weather got better, cycle abit followed by a short hike to the submit of the qurray...
took loads of pics
there damn windy beri nice view =D
after that we head down..then head back village to return the bikes liao...
then we started walking back o chalet while jq wen to buy some things...
we walk and walk till reach outside the chalet suddenly jq took out a few pack of flour and egg...
me and derrick see liao was liao crap!!! we chiong away in desperate attempt to escape lol but unsuccessful lol
we got powderise.....and eggified hahaz(dun worry those words dun exist)
lol hmmm bw derrick u look beri yan tao wif the egg and flour and the hairstyle LOL
okok walk back in took a long shower to wash off everything....
then wen we came out...
they boff the lights and took out a cake =)
at that moment i was like beri touched...
no one actuclly bought a cake and celebrate my bedae
thx guys and gals =) u all are like family =D luv ya all
and btw HAPPY BEDAE DERRICK
=)
JQ got me my veri first folding knife hahaz thx man i really like it hehe
then joyce got me a christmass de cup and a card
thx also really appreciate it hehe
derrick got a nicely design (and glow in the dark) nunchuks
and a hmmm magnet dog(beri cute one too)
settle down had dinner
cook and took lots of pics hahaz
after dinner we went for a nite walk(nature hike)
sadly didn't see much animals though....
but oh well we enjoyed each others comapny and enjoyed he walk
head back
watch tv... while some of them doze off liao
me, mark, jq and dawn stay up to watch "eating air"(well dawn was slping on the chair actuclly she wans us to wake her up when watching fight science)
after eating air we watch fight science...(can say its my fav documentry liao)
jq and mark watch until doze off(too tired to go on)
while dawn and me watch the whole thing(well towards the end i was also zzz liao hahaz)
after that i close the lights and head to the room to zzz
last day we wake up start packing and head home liao
hehe thx guys and gals i really enjoyed myself, even now as i'm typing i wish i was back in day one of the chalet....its really left me a nice memorable memory
=D
====================================================================
___Monday...get pay, checkup and of coz my fav...training__________
its the day after i got back from chalet...
woke up early waited till bout 10 plus went down city hall to meet cw and norvin
went funan and got my pay hahaz damn happy
then me and cw head down to NRC for medical check up
we were late actuclly....
but no matter went in registered...
station 1 ent test...(hearing...hear sound rise hand)
station2 X ray...
station3 eye...
station 4 lab (now this was abit scary...first they ask use pee on the color on this stick(urine test) then the prick my finger to test blood group...they then ask us come back later)
station5 dental....
then head back to lab again then they blood test....(i sa the needle i was like crap!!) but then it was actuclly painless
okie after that we went to our last station.... overal medical review....
strip to our shorts...went in test height and weight (hahaz damn happy i lost 3kgs...and when i saw my result lol was quite surprise that my body fat % onli overshot by .1 % )
okie last we head in to the MO office... check if we guy(well u noe...) then i got stunned when the MO give me pes B(all my station result was pes A) his reason "u are a little bit over weight...(damn that .1% of overshot body fats%))
but oh well pes B pes B loh its still the same as pes A anyway
next semester its training time... more fitness training for me hahaz all plan out liao
okok after that went to eat wif cw then i head back to sch liao....
training was not bad
learn quite alot of things....
the sparring part i felt i did improve but still not good enuff
sparred wif ryan i hit him afew time... he hit me afew time....
his fast.. i hit hard....we'r like perfect training partner...
i'm learning speed and reaction time from him while his learning how to hit hard and strong...
well best still when i sparred wif JQ...
his damn freaking fast hahaz (wah! ya muz teach me ur moves man!!)
every attacks i charge on him... he deflected it and head shot me LOL
but then i manage to hit his head once.... juz once... i happy liao heheh
well wad can i say i'm still learning and i got plenty to learn =)
well and the rest is history =)
k lah i think too long liao this update... do let me noe if i miss out anything =D
signing offf
william=D
9:19 PM