-i'm.SO.miss-understood. -shikayeproductions.
Sigh....
navigations are the words.
This is my own space to let it out. especially when theres no one to talk to that true understands or try to understand me.
+ Cheng Wee Chuan William
+ Yu Neng Primary School
+ Bedok South Secondary School
+ Ngee Ann Polytechnic
+ Republic of Singapore Navy
+ zazooosg@hotmail.com
+ 08/10/1989
+ Libra
Saturday, August 26, 2006
___haiz...in a position where my passion clashed wif my responsibility...____
hey back to update again =)
today was one hell of a hectic day.
wake up early morning 6am to prep for the bukit timah hiking trip
that i told joyce i would go....
but then on my way joyce sms me saying she not going coz she sick....
was like sianzzz but hey if shes sick its best she stayed home to rest =)
however against my advice of resting she insisted on going...
reached sch toooo early....
was wasting my time then suddenly this guy came over
ask me am i free?
he wans show me some magic tricks
well since i'm early why not....
hahaha man this guy is good.... potential magician hahaz
anyway joyced arrived and after some admin staff we head off....
there we met Quan and derrick
well we were late... joyce was worried that quan was angry hahaha
well he wasn't hahaz up we go and down we came....
it was short hahaha i expected longer....
anyway quan wasn't too happy bout the way things were plan... and i quite agree....
hmmmm not saying it was badly planned... but more like... all this event cause joyce to stress over lots of things....
haiz joyce argh joyce.... take good care of ya health and i totally support quan idea of wanting her back in ninjado =)
kk next we went to bras basah... but some items for performance...
visited this wushu shop....
well i was quite fascinated wif everything they tok about hahaha
kk skip skip skip....
buy everything liao head to SMU chat chat abit.....
suddenlt we had this idea of tracking the NKK hahaz (derrick and quan shld noe wad i mean) track erm to plaza sing... waited... and finally saw them....
followed but sadly we lost tracked....
after that i head over to derrick's place
later victor and kang ling joined us
then after that quan came back liao we had dinner then we start discussing bout the performances\
then be4 we left derrick's place.... we tried a little on nanchuku.... its nice i like it hahah firerce enuff haha but well i'm noob at it..... i rather eger o try my hands on sai and start learning ...
k the rest nuthing much liao gonna skip....
haiz toking bout performances....i kinda sad....kinda down....feel as if i let someone down de feeling....
i'm stuck in a position where my passion is one side and my responsibility on the other....
firstly the training and grading by the grandmaster.....
the date clashed wif my 3 day job at expo......
even the RSAF open hse also clashed....
i wan to go the training.... i noe its beri rare of a chance....
but then i cant forsaken my job....coz hopefully the pay for the 3 day is good enuff for me to cover my tis holiday... i really dun wanna take money from my dad....its already bad enuff he has to pay for everything liao.....least cover me till i can get my result and get navy sponsorship...
haiz nvm dun wanna say it liao....
plus sianz loh... damn job tml wan me go down for briefing....
i already give quan my word that i going meet them at 1 liao....
so i haf to leave early..... haiz i feel damn bad.... as if i went back against my words.....
really feel like banging my head now......ninjado is my intrest my passion....its like my family....
its part of me and my life..... half my world revolves rounds it...the other half spread among cars, gaming, frens, family, etc....i feel damn bad when ever i need to miss training.....
toking bout missing.... this holiday i'll be missing 1 tuesday (performance training) and 1 thursday training.....12 and 14 of sept......that would mean this semester i absent 4 times liao.....
juz now was queastion between passion and responsibility... now its queastion between fren,family and passion.....
i hate all this.... why cant everything juz work out without clashing......i wanna satisfy everyone and everything....
*bang! bang! bang! my head my desk*
haiz nvm.... hopefully things would be fine.....
even if it affects my reputation....its my fault....coz i failed to balance everything out.....
nvm......
anyway.....i juz wanna say..... i will nv forsaken my passion and intrest....
and as for this performance... i will eat,slp,shit performance.....
practice and learn hard......
i'm new and i haf alot to learn... but i'll nv stop trying.....
i noe at times i may be stubbon...brings problem... screw up....
hopefully nothing will coz ya all to forsaken me....
haiz...wtf....juz donno how to describe it lah.....words cant describe wad i wan to say.....
signing off....
awkward feeling damn busted turtle/whale
william
P.S i'm not trying to gain favour by saying all this.....this is my blog... i speak my mind.....regardless anyone sees it.... i noe most people wont see it anyway ....
10:02 AM
Monday, August 21, 2006
Life's Screwing wif me...or am i screwing up my life???____
hey...back again....
haiz gonna skip all the happening during study break....
friday was maths exam.....
it was BAD!!! real bad.....
dunno if i can make it...
hopefully can
then here comes the weekend....
went airport to study wif ZW,KW and norvin....
they travelled a great distance to get here...
so sry air port was crowded...
usually when i study there its rather empty de....
we sort of explored the entire airport liao....
eat BK...and well swensens...
when we were actuclly studying... we juz kept buying cheesestick
lol as if we were addicted liddat....
when we finish played a little .A
then evening off i go to my frens bdae liao...
zw and norvin went home... while KW went wif me...
reach bedok wait for my sec sch fren derrick...
and well his got church thing during the afternoon and thus he was late...
nvm least i wasn't waiting alone...
tok wif kw alot alot hahaha
when he finally reach we were 30min late liao...
haha
we reach the bbq pit liao food was cold liao
hehe sry hor mei... kor didn't mean to be late de...
hope ya like the present i got ya....
wish ya a happy bdae =)
'
ok then after that we left....miss the last bus from east coast... so we took a cab.....
and really sumtime i hate cabbies....
like got one he ask where we going....
we say bedok... he say okie
when we got in he say got on call....
then ask us get out.....
haiz wtf loh....
haiz nvm.....
ok got home play .A wif kw abit... studied abit... and well we were tired...
so went to slp liao....
hope ya enjoyed ya stay at my hse LOL
then here comes monday eltech exam....
DAMN CRAPPY
i tot i prepared for it well liao....
then did so many mistake....as if i no eye to see liddat...
haiz.... shit lah... liddat how to get navy de sponsorship...
haiz....
now all is see fate liao....
afternoon went out wif parent ate pariss international seafood buffet
the food was damn nice... hehehe enjoyed it alot...
was celebrating my mums bdae ...well belated bdae =)
then later meet up wif felix and had a few rounds of outrun
well was actuclly venting all my unhapiness out....
wad can i say... i is got the need for speed!!
then got home play D2...wif cw... old game but still fun...
think from tml on i'm gonna start training myself...and see if theres anyway to prepare
next semester de work... and of coz gaming.....
not forgeting all the important dates where i got things on....
haiz dun wanna say anymore liao....
signing off
8:28 AM
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
___Knowledge is Power,Wisdom through Time..._____
There was this phrase...i learned from a game...ROME TOTAL WAR
it goes like "In Peace, Prepare for war"...or sumtin like that....
well guess i haf to keep that in mind....
coz i having been preparing much for this war..
this war that i face every semester....
i shld haf keep a strong mindset....
forcus my mind on wads important....
well its too late now...to regret... but theres still time
still time for me to brace myself for wad i consider...
My last stand of this semester...
can consider my entire life depends on it....
hmmm i shall not go into detail....
hmmm yesterday....went to sch to "study"
at the same time install some thing on my laptop....
oh btw its finally fixed 100% except for the e recovery manager
well from study we become gaming....
haiz thinking back now... its sad...
a gamer like myself....
i cant control my temptation of gaming....
thats one reason my i cant haf enuff....
coz everytime i buy a new game i finish it in a fortnite
... even my dad finds it expensive to provide me this "entertainment.."
but well ya can say all ya wan bout games... persoanlly i learned alot from them too...
alot things ya dun get to learn in sch....
nvm that i shall not ague that topic
but well the thing is... i haf to learn to control myself....
any idea how?
maybe i shld involve myself more to fitness eh?
like run more and gym more....
coz rite not its like i'm balanced between gaming and training hahaha
but still i'm too weak in both....
come to think of it.... gaming,training,studying sort of covered the three aspect of a person, well according to me that is...
for me... a perfect person is not about the looks....
its about strength...
strength in the mind body and soul....
strength in the mind means ur knowledgable, ur smart..or shld i simply put it intelligent...
strength in the body means ur fit ur strong... and of coz healthy....
and lastly strength in the soul... means ur wise and has strong mentality and influence....
sumtin like that...
studying cover the mind part... training cover the body and gaming cover the soul(bet ya muz be laughing now hahahz)
but well its true...
i mean not the usual gaming where u kill mindlessly or sumtin....
when i say gaming i meant when u brainstorm on different stretagy and spread ya mind on different things in the game....juz like in real life
games where they make u learn things like honour(which i believe is already lost in time...)
some games even use the words of wise man in the past.... which is sumtin worth reading and learning.... personally i love game thats is base on history coz u learn most from it...
okokok time to cut....
damn see there i go again... gaming LOL
guess its a part of me that i cant take away eh?
sumtins in me that cant take away... things like gaming, the urge to try sumtin extreme and new....the urge for achievement and acceptance...
theres juz too many....
its either i dun understand myself yet... or i'm truely weird hahaha
okok simply put... almost everything from eating, playing to exploring... anything ya can think of i'll me at least abit intrested.... its like i haf a taste to do everything... and wehn i do sumtin i take pride in doing so.... be the best.... thats wad i always wan to be.... but from expirence... theres no such thing... coz theres always someone better and stronger....
thats life.... since i'm young... i shld take the oppotunity to chase after all these people... learn from them, surpass them.... and keep pressing on... till the day i die... i will noe my life has been worthwhile.....
i'm young theres many things i dun noe bout the world... so i guess i'll be learning from ya all eh?
waahhh!!! look at the time... 1 plus liao....
i think i better go to slp... i cant afford to wake up late tml.....
signing off =)
william
P.S thx JQ for taging, when i saw ya tag it sort of motivated me even more to work hard liao thx =D
9:41 AM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
___When sumtin bad...juz keep happening...know that the good times are coming...____
back to update again....
this weekend nothing much happen anyway...
sat was juz another regular sat...
BORING!!!
but well arnd the evening when i was heading over my bros place
was waiting at tampines bus interchange....
wait...and...wait...and...wait....
freakign 45min liao....
NOT a single no.10 was even coming into the interchange...
WTF???
started toking wif the aunty next to me....
waited almost an hour liao and no bus...
everyone there was damn sianzzz bout it loh....
but FINAlly the bus came....
i heard...that all the no. 10 coming from the city couldn't make it thru...
some traffic jam or sumtin
...was suppose to be at my bros place at 10... i reach at 11.20
so guess how long i waited...
nvm....i nv like SBS anyway..
ok head over... we watch a movie on my laptop... and i had one tub of hagen daz ICE CREAM!!!
i luv ICE CREAM!!! lol
okok enuff wif the details...
next morning woke up arnd 11 then watched beyblade
lol nice show....
had lunch and then we head over tampines...
he went to meet a fren while i head home....
haiz... got home start up my lappy and feel damn depress bout it...
after i restored it everything seems to dun work....
SUX MAN!!!!
haiz all the bad luck juz keep happening to me.... WHY!!!!
try to savage it as much as possible... told my dad i might need get new lappy soon if this one dun last....
went over my grandmas place....
and well my uncle came to look at my lappy....
and he told me...
my lappy restore liao how come no drivers de...
lucky he got the lastest drivers in his com liao....
and well he solved everything hahaz
guess good times do come hahaz
now all i haf to do is go sch tml and get the sch to install microsoft office and reinstall my anti virus....
hahaz problems solved....
now the only main problem left my....desktop at home...
haiz the adware has been flashi9ng over a few days liao hmmm let me see how many alert liao...
hmmm 53000 and going up by the micro second...
man... i seriously need work hard on my studies and get that navy sponsorship...
only then can i haf thye resource to fix my ancient com....
but no matter... as long as it can work everything okie...
okie the rest nuthing much liao....
====================================================================
haiz... tell u the truth....sumtimes i really donno why i dislike someone...
come to think of it... it feels like i haf no reason to dislike but at the same time i do...
maybe its juz a battle wif my concience
sumtimes i really hate the attitude of people....
but overall i juz cant seem to bring myself to really hate the person to the core....
juz hope he/she will change someday...
well not that i'm any better
me ... i'm juz me... alone and well ain't sad bout it anyway...
i got frrens and families...
though at times.. i feel down... i feel alone....
where life sux....but well i'm used to it...
i wont bing myself down becoz of all this...
rather... i want to fight it....
coz i noe theres people out there who cares... be it real or not....
i noe some people they dun really like me....
but in front of me they treat me like fren...
i tell u now... its okie... love me...hate me...its up to u...
juz make sure that u love me/hate me for who i am and not who u think i am... k
lifes hard for me... maybe becoz i made it that way...
tell u the truth i dun noe myself actuclly.....
i donno wad am i... who am i... and wad i really wan
i'm like a wondering soul finding reason for my existence...
finding purpose of my existence...
but one thing different from the rest...
though i'm "lost" i will strengthen myself rather than bring my self down to a level of depression and attention seeking all that crap....
mopst of the time i find myself alone....
although i really hate it...
but at the same time its my pro rather than my con....
hahaz screw it...
i'm always crapping....
LIFE SUX>>>>but its filled wif colors and memories....
signing off...
always crappy turtle/whale...
william
11:45 AM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
__Things Happen For A Reason...So Wads the reason for everything tat has happen to me?!!__
hey its me again....
hmmm guess recently alots on my mind...my memories are failing me....
but no matter...
gonna update the recent things....
nothing much happen last sat and sun....
then monday...i had a IN1 written test...
then tuesday i had....WHS practical, OS cisco final test...
well as for the test.... everything went on quite okie....
think i'll manage to pass all of them....
now juz gonna worry bout my EG1 and my ELTECH...
then tuesday after all the test while going home i met alot of my sec sch frens...
decided to go wif them to watch the fireworks...
its certainly nice to see them again after soo long..
the fireworks was lovely....beri nice....
the only down thing is the crowd
they juz damn selfish. bunch of people....
haiz if they wanna play pushing... i'll be happy to give em one....
then moving on to weds... its NATIONAL DAY!!!!
holiday!!!
slack at home till evening watch the starting of the NDP...
then went to meet derrick and ben...actuclly was suppose to meet arif too...
but he couldn't make it...
we play pool...
then slack arnd abit then went home....
on national day... my class namely planned to go sentosa....
well i've got one thing to say....
try try to force people into wad u wan them to do...
peoples got free will.....
i know of some people who aint happen bout all the pestering....
me... i dun mind... but then if i dun wanna go... i wont go....
.... so be mindfull of ya actions k... i'm not gonna say much liao....
one last thing.....DRINKING is suppose to be leisure... okie i donno bout u all...
but for me i'm a social drinker... and i DUN LIKE the idea of drinking to forget sorrow...
theres more to drinking than getting drunk.....
and if u cant drink then dun drink that much....
GET THE PIC?
anyway.....forget it....
k now moving to thursday...
its kenneths bdae.....
had cake... had class....
now now....ur one year older liao make sure ur one year more mature liao okie... dun waste one year of ur life.....
k now its TODAY!!!...
woke up late almost missed my whs practical....
man i shld start slping early....
well the test was okie everything over liao nothing much to tok about liao...
shall update further.... and update on my personal tots maybe later bahx.....
signing off
RenZhe....turtle/whale
william....
10:05 PM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
____Been thinking lots of things..._____
hey its me again... nope today aint all the disappointed crap again... although i still feel disappointed...
anyway... managed to pass my practical...
although i could haf done a better job....
but well thank goodness...
now its juz left wif the written paper....
its time to pia liao...
ok well i'm kinda too tired to write much today so juz gonna skip all the way to today....
lifes okie... been studying/gaming....
today went sch in the morning to meet up wif norvin and gang...
to do WHS quiz...
CRAZYYY!!! ya noe... whs quiz is 3hr and 84 queastion and welll from wad i see the qeastions ain't all covered in class....
but well managed to pass though not so well....
but okie lah....
then play some games till libarary close...
then went atrim play somemore...
haiz wad to do when i'm sad or down the few things i do most of the time...
play games and blast my musics....(feels like i'm in another carefree world loh...)
but today i aint down lah actuclly... maybe juz abit...(i also donno why.... everyday liddat de...)
thats bout it i guess....
haiz recently i'm beginning to feel thats life sux again... that lifes meaningless
and wads my purpose in life.....
haiz dumb queastions....
everything seem to not work for me...
hmmm am i missing sumtin or wad?
nvmnvm lifes liddat....
i'm jzu gonna stand my ground and fight to the end...(i hope)
well been thinking thru sum things and well things seem a little clearer liao
actuclly i donno lah.... haizzzz
forget it... i donno wad i'm typing liao....
anyway its 3 liao sianz... donno if i'll still fall aslp...
nitez people and take care... i love u all lots....
hopefully all ur frenships that i embrace is not a false one....
coz i cant take another blow of well such lies again....
been thru alot in the past and i'm not over it yet....
nvmnvm nitez
bb signing off
william, wif love
12:02 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
____Disappointment a part of me?_____
hey bloggy its been awhile...got miss me?
hahaz anyway heres to update abit....
hmmm well continue from last post...
on the sat i went ubin wif JQ,derrick and joyce...met xiang xiang at changi village =) hmmm did i get her name rite?
okok anyway we went ubin to cycle and nitewalk hahaz it was fun...
i think it was actuclly to help wif their project or sumtin...
anyway we reach ubin...rent bikes...head over to the thai temple there then cycle offroads
hahaz my fav...
we one thing me and derrick agreed... even on wheels they are slow hahahz...think even joyce and xiang xiang faster loh
hmmm then towards the evening we cooked maggi mee lol well it was nice sumhow
okok then we head over to nitewalk...
actuclly was me derrick, jq and his nature loving fren =) well i'm a quite nature guy too hahahaz...
spotted a couple of things lol like JQ fav...the giant termites hahahz
hmmm there was also spotted tree owl
and i learned bout many herbs and plants =)
thx guys i really enjoyed the day hehe
====================================================================
anyway now bout today.... haiz it was damn crappy lah....
i suck at teaching... i suck at doing tests....
wonder wad i'm good for anyway....
did so much trying to work hard for OS
and in the end i forgot so many thing and even did not finish the paper....left the entire last page blank....
worst was out of all the people i helped out wif....
all of them had problem wif the paper....
maybe i shldn't haf act smart teach them...
donno why i really feel its partly my fault
donna lah....
haiz... i always tell myself to be the best... but till now... haf i ever become one?
haiz nvm enuff bout the test...
my sincre apology to wenqi and shuxian andy anyone who put hope in me to help them wif os...
maybe i'm not who u all think i am....
haiz... life is full of hardships...
its inevitable...
and that sux....
but well no pain no gain rite....
but sumtimes the pain is so servre....
it can really bring a person down....
me? i'm getting numb of it leh
from the past... i expirence losing a bestfren...when u care for sumone and the sumone forgets u...even though u remembered them always...
expirence losing someone whom u think is the one and u gave all ya heart, ya love and ya commitment to...only to find out it was a a lie....
expirence the hardships of finacial crisis....am still now... hopefully the plans i lay out will work and it shld lighten the burden on my parents...
sumtimes i really doubt if the people who calls me fren... really treats me like one?
well usually they call u when they need help...only...
anyway the only main thing that is pushing me on is knowing that there are still people who really care for me people who really treats me like a fren....
okok vnm ... seriously now i donno wth i'm toking about liao....
haiz i juz wanna lay back blast my musics and run away from all my tots... or numb myself wif tons of games to occupy my mind... i'm sick in the mind, body and soul....
sick of all this and sick of trying to figure wads my prob and why....
i'm juz too tired to care...juz gonna do wad i need to do... and get over wif it....
haiz...now i do partly agree wif one of my sec sch fren... life sux....
signing off
weird disappointed donno wad the hell is going on turtle/whale
william
10:35 AM